Video: self-care for female martyrs

I love Carey Callahan.

BTW she has a new website which you can follow on WordPress.  https://careycallahan.com/

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Just hiding in my blanket fort

Hello friends,

I seem to have found myself on blog vacation again. Sometimes I get in a mood where I cannot stand politics at all, and just want to hide from any mention of the news.

I hate the rise of the crazy, racist right wing, and I find it absolutely frightening that we haven’t been able to get rid of the mentality that white people are better than others, when that is so obviously wrong, and that instead of getting rid of that mentality, we have allowed it to flourish out in the open. I can’t figure out why people are so hateful and I don’t know what to do about it. To me, telling people they’re racist should be enough to shame them and make them realize they’ve done something wrong, but there are tons and tons of people who literally think that racism is acceptable and don’t feel ashamed of it. When Trump was elected I felt like the world was pretty much over, and I’ve felt that way ever since. I’ve started hoping that he blows us all up and I just hope it happens quickly.

I’ve known for a while now that feminists have been kicked out of the left, and that is something that continues to hurt on an ongoing basis. I have joined several Marxist groups on Facebook to try and learn more about Marxist theory, and every time I’ve joined such a group, I’ve either left voluntarily due to the rampant misogyny I’m seeing or I’ve been kicked out of the group for the crime of pointing out misogyny. There are groups of antifa that I could join locally but they subscribe fully to trans politics which means I know they’ll be willing to bully and silence women. I’d like to join the leftist groups who are trying to oppose the disgusting hatred coming from the right, but it’s hard to do that when leftist groups are promoting disgusting hatred toward women.

I have taken steps to be more “out” with my real-life acquaintances about my gender critical views this summer. I have been very calm and reasonable and emphasized that I understand that transwomen are subject to violence and discrimination and that this is wrong. I do not wish violence against anyone and I fully support everyone’s civil rights. However, I refuse to believe in nonsense, which means that I will not believe that human beings with male biology are literally female, and I do not believe that “anyone who identifies as a woman” is a coherent definition of what a woman is. Despite me being very clearly not hateful toward anyone, and just concerned about the human rights of people born female, I was told I am violent and oppressive and outdated and I lost a friend over it. I am sad to lose a friend and flabbergasted that otherwise intelligent people can believe in incoherent nonsense. Witnessing this behavior really makes me lose my faith in human beings.

I hate the right wing, but what am I to do when the left has lost its mind and I can’t find a home among them either?

The recent no-platforming of detransitioned people from a trans health conference had me rolling my eyes too. I’m sure all my readers have heard of this but if not, here are some links about it. Third Way Trans talks about it on his blog here, Carey Callahan talks about it on her YouTube channel here and Crash talks about it on her YouTube channel here.

The no-platforming of Third Way Trans and Carey Callahan is ridiculous partly because both of these people are very balanced, reasonable people who don’t subscribe to any ideology and don’t oppose anyone’s rights, and yet they were banned for allegedly being “anti-trans.” Neither of them are against medical transition so there are no grounds on which to accuse them of being anti-trans. The people who complained and caused the no-platforming are loony tunes who think that the mere existence of some people who found out that medical transition isn’t helpful for them is inherently harmful to people who feel that medical transition is helpful to them. It’s unbelievable that conference organizers even give a shit what unreasonable and uninformed crazy lunatics on Reddit are saying.

Carey made an excellent point in the video I linked to above, that when you promote alternative ways to deal with dysphoria this helps even people who medically transition. Even people who feel they benefit from medical transition usually can’t transition immediately, they may have to wait for things like a surgeon to become available or health benefits to kick in, etc. In the meantime, alternative ways to deal with dysphoria would be helpful. Insane trans activists who don’t want anyone to know that there are other ways to deal with dysphoria other than buying medical products from a for-profit medical system are in fact hurting all trans people by hiding that information. I think we need to start telling these people they’re transphobic and LITERALLY KILLING trans people.

Crash also made an excellent point that detransitioned people have very similar health care needs to transitioned people, since they have a medically modified body and need health care that takes into account the effects of cross-sex hormones. Even detransitioned people benefit from trans health care conferences, but they are treated like threats to trans health care.

So many people are just fucking insane I can’t stand it. I feel guilty that I haven’t done much work in real life to change things for the better, but there is hardly anyone I’d be able to work with on any project because people are unfathomably stupid and disappointing.

So what have I been doing lately instead of blogging? Well, I’ve been watching Gilmore Girls, shopping, eating ice cream, hanging out, and reading. Yep, I’m basically just hiding in my blanket fort. And I’m going to stay there for the foreseeable future. I’ve been writing fiction lately and I’m probably going to focus on that for a while instead of writing this blog.

I’ve had an excellent book to read, BTW. Remember when I reviewed a fantastic lesbian novel called Bishop’s Run? Well, the author sent me a free copy in the mail (THANKS!) and I’ve been having a great time reading that again. If you are also hiding in your blanket fort, check out this book! It’s excellent blanket fort material.

Please let me know how you’re handling life during the Apocalypse. I could use any tips you’ve got.

Today in compulsory PIV

Well, this article is just the perfect train wreck full of opportunities for patriarchy-blaming.

As a side note, can I still use the phrase patriarchy-blaming? This is a phrase I learned from my radical feminist sensei (“femsei”?) Twisty Faster, who used to blog at I Blame the Patriarchy back in the day, and who taught me the joyful art of radical feminist blogging. For any of you newbies who weren’t a part of the radical feminist blogosphere five to ten years ago, patriarchy-blaming basically means radical feminist theorizing.

Without further ado, here’s our article:

From the New York Post : Woman Born Without Vagina Raising Money So She Can Have Sex

“The family of a woman born without a vagina has launched a crowdfunding campaign for surgery that would allow her to experience intimacy and live a more normal life.

Her boyfriend of four months, Robbie Limmer, says he doesn’t care about the lack of sex in their relationship.

Moats needs $15,000 for the surgery and the crowdfunding page set up by her sister, Amanda, has already raised $5,720 in two months.

“He doesn’t really focus on the sexual side of our relationship because we can’t do anything since I don’t have a vaginal opening,” she said. “But I am looking forward to having a sexual relationship. I’m not sure if I want to wait until marriage, but I think having that option there is a lot more comforting.

“I’m a bit nervous to have sex for the first time after surgery because I’m not sure if something is going to go wrong down there or if it’s going to hurt,” she said.

Moats says her vagina looks exactly how it should — except that instead of a vaginal opening, there’s a little dimpled skin where the hole should be.

In the video that accompanies the article, she says

“It makes me feel less of a woman because I can’t do what women are supposed to do. They’re supposed to be able to carry children and create a family and have an intimate relationship and I can’t provide that.”

She also says in the video

“It’s very hurtful, the fact that I have to pay $15,000 for the surgery right out of college when I already owe a bunch of student loans. It’s very hard on our family, and hard on me.”

Her mom says:

“They [Insurance companies] won’t cover something like this which is so necessary for a relationship.”

Kaylee Moats has Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome, which means that although she is a genetic female with most of the typical female anatomy, she is missing a uterus, cervix, and vagina.

While we’re on the subject of atypical sex characteristics—yes, they do happen. On rare occasions, some people are born with atypical sex organs. There is no need to deny this but there is also no need to reinterpret this fact in nonsensical ways. Just because a genetic female can be born without a uterus in rare cases, doesn’t mean that fully intact males with typical male bodies can just declare themselves to be “women” because they feel like it. That doesn’t make any goddamned sense.

Anyway, moving right along…

She believes she literally cannot have an intimate relationship without a vagina. The phrase “surgery that would allow her to experience intimacy” is shocking. Since when do you have to have a specific bodily configuration in order to experience intimacy? First of all, intimacy is about more than just sex. She is already capable of having a close personal relationship with another person, of sharing inside jokes, secrets, and private moments together, of knowing another person and allowing herself to be known on a deep level. Secondly, sex is about more than just her partner putting his penis in her vagina. She is already capable of a wide range of fulfilling sexual activity, even without a vagina. This idea that she needs surgery in order to experience intimacy is insane.

The way she defines sex is exactly how patriarchy defines it. She says, “We can’t do anything since I don’t have a vaginal opening.” For fucking serious? You can’t do ANYTHING? You can’t kiss, cuddle, fondle each other, touch either other, or have oral sex? Really? You can’t do any of that? Bullshit. She can already do almost everything there is to do. There’s only one option that’s off the table.

It’s normal, by the way, for one option to be off the table. Lots of people have limits on what they like to do or what they are capable of doing in bed, and that’s not a problem: you do what you like and what you are capable of, considering your limitations, and you enjoy those possibilities. There is no need to try and force yourself to do something that is beyond your interest or ability. What you can already do is fine.

In a patriarchy, where everything is defined in terms of men, and when women are simply objects owned by men, sex is defined as “when a man puts his penis in a thing.” I have a whole blog post on this subject if you’re interested, but basically, sex is defined as something a man does to an object, and the object can be absolutely anything, but men particularly like if their object is a woman because they like the power they have over women, and objectifying women through the sex act gives them the thrill of power and conquest along with their orgasm. Of course, this also comes with the delightful side effect of reminding women of their subordinate status, which men find important too.

When this woman says she “can’t do anything” sexually unless she gets a surgically created hole made where her vagina would normally be, it’s obvious how she is defining sex. She’s not defining it from her own perspective. She’s not defining sex as when she gets things that make her feel good and when she reaches orgasm. Nope, she’s defining sex as when her male partner puts his penis in a thing—that thing being her.

In a study available on Pub Med, it’s reported that women with Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser syndrome have normal sexual function, engage in masturbation as frequently as other women, and experience arousal and orgasm as frequently as other women. The only difference is that women with MRKHS experience orgasm only through petting and oral sex, not by penetration.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. It’s okay to just have manual and oral sex. This is not a problem and it doesn’t need to be fixed. Penetration is not necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Now, just because I say this, doesn’t mean I’m anti-penetration. Some women really like it, which is totally fine. There is a good reason why women would like vaginal penetration, and that’s because our organ of pleasure, the clitoris, wraps around the vagina. However, if a woman born without this setup gets a surgically created hole, it’s not going to come with this option. She’s not going to get the pleasure that comes with a naturally-occurring vagina, she’s just going to get a pocket for her boyfriend to put his penis in. Getting this surgery does absolutely nothing for her pleasure.

Consider this woman’s options. She can keep her body intact and enjoy the normal sexual function of her external genitals. Or she can have surgery to create a hole for her boyfriend to put his penis in. Any surgery comes with a risk of pain or numbness in the surrounding tissue. Surgery on the genitals can cause you to lose your sexual function. She already has sexual function, but she’s raising $15,000 so that she can have a surgery that will risk taking away the sexual function that she already has.

Moats is male-identified, in the feminist sense of that term. I do not mean “identifies as a male” in terms of transgenderism. I mean that she sees things from a male perspective instead of from her own perspective.

I see things from a woman’s perspective, so I am horrified that she thinks there is anything wrong with her healthy body (she is atypical, but she is not ill!) and that she considers her boyfriend’s ability to fuck her to be more important than her sexual pleasure.

Her boyfriend generously says that he loves her as a person despite her not having a vagina and uterus, which, to be honest, is the bare minimum I would expect from any decent human being, but that still doesn’t stop him from funding her surgery with part of his paycheck.

If my partner didn’t have a vagina, and came to me saying she wanted to spend large amounts of our hard-earned money to get a surgical wound for me to stick things in, I would absolutely not contribute to that. I would tell her that I love her body the way she was born, and that I want her to skip the surgery so she can fully enjoy the body she has. I would tell her that I have no interest in putting things inside a surgical wound, and I would prefer to pleasure her and bring her to orgasm in exactly the ways that she’s already capable.

I think that men are completely capable of feeling the same way. They don’t feel this way, but they can. If they unlearn the ideology of male dominance, they can realize that a fulfilling sexual relationship is not when one person uses the other person as an object, it’s when two people who love each other both enjoy each other’s bodies as is and give each other pleasure in ways that work for them.

Because of the political climate we’re in, I have to add a disclaimer here. Just because it’s normal to be accepting of people with intersex conditions and atypical bodies, doesn’t mean that anyone should be bullied, guilt-tripped, or tricked into having a sexual relationship with a person who doesn’t fit their sexual orientation. Both lesbians and straight men can reasonably be expected to be attracted to women who are genetically female and missing a uterus, but that doesn’t mean we are interested in fully intact males.

Sadly, Moats fully buys into her own oppression. She thinks that she is less of a woman because she cannot provide a vagina for a man to fuck, nor can she provide children for him. This reveals her attitude that a woman’s purpose is to provide a man with a vagina to fuck and to provide a womb to create children. By this definition of womanhood, lesbians and spinsters (and even the average infertile straight woman!) is not a woman.

This is what “defining women by their biology” actually looks like. It means acting as though women are nothing other than vaginas and uteruses for men to use for sex and reproduction. We couldn’t have any other purpose, like, to have careers, to influence people, to fulfill our own dreams, or to do good things in the world. All those activities are for actual people, you know—men.

In the opening of the New York Post article, it says that her surgery would allow her to live a normal life. Does that mean her life is not normal now? A woman’s normal life under patriarchy is being a sex toy and baby incubator for a man. The feminist movement is working to change that. After we overthrow patriarchy, women will define ourselves on our own terms, look at the world through our own eyes, put our needs first in our decision-making, and do what we want to do in life, regardless of what men may think about it.

In case anyone is going to come along with the usual argument against anything feminists say, “Why can’t she do whatever she wants with her Free Choice and Agency and why are you judging her decisions and policing what women do with their bodies that’s not feminism!” let me just answer that right up front.

I am not saying that she should not be allowed to have the surgery. I’m saying that patriarchy creates the conditions in which women decide that being a fuck-hole is more important than being a person, and I’m saying that being a fuck-hole doesn’t benefit us, even though it might occasionally come with superficial, short-term benefits such as attention and praise. What is actually fulfilling, in the long term, is full personhood. Feminist activism should not seek to control women’s choices, it should seek to change the conditions that limit women’s role in society and give us the ability to make more fulfilling choices.

The choice that Moats deserves to be able to make is the choice to value her intact body and sexual function and view herself as a sexual agent in her own right, not as a receptacle for someone else’s use. It’s male supremacist ideology that convinces her not to make that choice. This harmful ideology has got to go.

How do you intend to address the upcoming trans generation?

This is another response to a troll named Angie who was commenting on this post.

Angie asked:

“Out of curiosity, how do you guys intend on addressing the upcoming generation of transgender folks, who’ve transitioned much earlier than the current generation?
I work in an elementary school, and we currently have a 5 year old transgender student. She identifies as a girl, is accepted by her peers as a girl, will likely be on hormone therapy before puberty etc etc. As an adult woman, having lived all but the first 3-4 years of her life as a girl…do you plan to tell her she’s not a real woman because she lacks a uterus? That she’s a man, despite being raised and socialized as female?
When our children come to us, utterly distressed and feeling trapped in the wrong bodies…what course of action do you folks advocate? Knowing that all of the science supports early intervention as the best route to good outcomes for trans kids…that years passing without intervention corresponds directly with rising suicide rates in transgender youth…do you still advocate denying these kids their identities, and insisting biology rules? Or does saving lives play a factor?”

Angie has swallowed trans activist propaganda whole without doing any critical thinking about it and therefore is missing some vitally important information about the “trans kids” that she is talking about. The most important things that Angie is missing about “trans kids” is that most of them will desist in their gender dysphoria as they get older, and that many of these kids are same-sex attracted, and would be considered gay, lesbian, or bisexual if we didn’t have this gender-worshipping social movement going on.

In a study called Factors Associated With Desistence and Persistence of Childhood Gender Dysphoria: A Quantitative Follow-Up Study published in the Journal Of The American Academy Of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry Volume 52 Number 6 June 2013, the authors cited a collection of other studies that investigated persistence and desistance of gender dysphoria and concluded that:

“Many children who experience gender dysphoria (GD), a sense of discomfort from incongruence between their gender identity and assigned sex, will not continue to experience dysphoria into adolescence and adulthood. However, a substantial minority (2–27% across studies) will continue to report GD and may seek services for gender reassignment later in life.”

Studies also show that a large percentage of kids with gender dysphoria are same-sex attracted. In the study Desisting and Persisting Gender Dysphoria After Childhood: A Qualitative Follow-Up Study published in Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry 16(4) 499-516 2010, the authors noted the high percentage of bisexual and homosexual attraction among the study participants and that people who persist in gender dysphoria after childhood overwhelmingly tend to be same-sex attracted:

“All persisters reported feeling exclusively, and for as long as they could remember, sexually attracted to individuals of the same natal sex…”

The DSM-5 says the same thing:

“For both natal male and female children showing persistence, almost all are sexually attracted to individuals of their natal sex.
For natal male children whose gender dysphoria does not persist, the majority are androphilic, (sexually attracted to males) and often self-identify as gay or homosexual (ranging from 63% to 100%).
In natal female children whose gender dysphoria does not persist, the percentage who are gynephilic (sexually attracted to females) and self-identify as lesbian is lower (ranging from 32% to 50%).”

Note in this screenshot from the DSM-5, it also mentions that less than half of kids with gender dysphoria will still have it when they grow up.

These “trans kids” we keep seeing in the media are very likely, according to the available research, to be same-sex attracted and to grow up to accept themselves as gay or lesbian. This is why Kenneth Zucker, a prominent Canadian researcher in gender dysphoria, advocated for a “wait-and-see” approach.

“Dr. Zucker argued in published research and previous interviews that his therapy should be guided by the age of the patient and based on best evidence, particularly longitudinal studies that showed that gender identity is “malleable” in young children, and that the majority will outgrow their cross-gender identity by the time they are teenagers, and most often grow up to be gay adults.”

Trans activists today do not want to wait and see if same-sex-attracted children will grow up to be comfortable in their bodies and accepting of themselves as gay or lesbian, even though they know this is a likely outcome. They want all children who express a trans identity to immediately be given puberty-blockers followed by cross-sex hormones and taught to believe they are literally the opposite sex. They think that anything else is “conversion therapy” which is yet another reversal of reality. Giving gay and lesbian kids body modifications so that they appear to be heterosexual members of the opposite sex is conversion therapy.

Lupron, the drug commonly used to delay puberty, is not approved for use on children for transgender treatment and is being used off-label with no documented long-term studies of its effects. There are already adults who were given Lupron for precocious puberty who are speaking out against “serious physical and emotional adverse events” such as pain and soreness, anxiety and depression, high heart rate, IBS, memory loss, insomnia, crippling migraines, osteoporosis, and more.

Children whose puberty is blocked and then go on to take cross-sex hormones become sterile, because their sex organs never mature. Also, MtF transsexuals whose genitals never mature may not have enough genital material to even use to create a vaginoplasty. This means they will look like eunuchs, not women.

Our troll Angie asked “how do you guys intend on addressing the upcoming generation of transgender folks, who’ve transitioned much earlier than the current generation?”
Well, here’s the thing, Angie. After all the incredible medical abuse these kids have suffered, I am 100% certain that they’ll be suing the doctors who did this to them as soon as they’re old enough to process and think critically about what happened to them. Sooner or later they’re going to realize that adults failed them by giving them dangerous drugs and telling them that they could become the opposite sex when they can’t, all because they felt uncomfortable with their gender nonconformity and their sexual orientation. They’re going to realize what gender critical feminists have been arguing all along: that it’s not okay to give dangerous drugs to kids and sterilize them, with unknown long-term side effects, just because they were playing with toys marketed to the other sex and with their immature thinking skills decided that this meant they were literally the opposite sex.

So what will I do to address the upcoming generation of people who were given dangerous drugs and sterilized before they were old enough to realize what their dysphoric feelings really meant? Several things: I will listen to them, promote their words, support their activism, and donate to their legal funds when they sue the doctors who abused them.

There is already a growing community of detransitioners, many of whom are lesbians, who are discussing other ways to deal with dysphoria, and I have already started reblogging and promoting them when they provide important information. See the list of detransitioners in my sidebar, and see Carey Callahan’s excellent YouTube channel. We will be seeing more and more detransitioners as time goes on, as more people realize they’ve been sold a bill of goods and decide to reconcile with themselves.

There are some other things in your comment that I take issue with, but they are smaller points than what I have laid out above. For example, you say that a boy can live “as a girl,” and that’s not true, because a girl is a young human female and there is no way for a human male to “live as” a human female. He is simply living in a feminine gender role. The people around him know he’s a boy, so he’s living as a special boy, not as a girl. I also take an issue with the phrase “feeling trapped in the wrong body” because there is no way for a body to be wrong. We are living animals and our bodies are literally what we are made out of and who we are. Bodies are good; we can mistakenly perceive them as “wrong” but they aren’t actually wrong.

Trans activists think that I am hateful, bigoted and phobic for not supporting the idea that some human beings are born inherently needing to take Lupron and be sterilized, but time will tell that it’s the people who promoted medical experimentation on kids who were the hateful bigots. I am in favor of giving everyone an opportunity to grow up in their natural body and accept themselves as they are, so they can have the best and healthiest possible life. Any decisions to make major body modifications should be made as fully-informed mature adults who are acting from a place of self-love and acceptance, not a place of fear and self-hate. Adults who are accepting of themselves rarely will want any body modifications, but if they do, I do not plan to stop them.

Someday the medical abuse of a group of mostly gay and lesbian people will go down in the history books as another method of homophobic gay conversion therapy, just like the lobotomy and shock therapy of previous decades. I certainly intend to support the victims of this form of abuse.

How DARE the dykes think a dyke march is for them!

The Dyke Marches were started by lesbians for lesbians. The purpose of a Dyke March is to give lesbians visibility. According to Wikipedia, the organizers of the first Dyke March in Vancouver were the participants in a lesbian conference, the organizers of the first march in Toronto were a group called Lesbians Against the Right, and the first march in Washington was organized by the Lesbian Avengers. Note the use of the word “lesbian” in these groups rather than the vague term “queer women.”

The Lesbian Avengers formed as a group to give lesbian women a voice, since the concerns of women are drowned out within the broader LGBT movement. The Dyke Marches were one of their important projects.

A lesbian is a female homosexual. In order to be a female homosexual, you have to be both female and homosexual. If you are not female, or not homosexual, then you are not a female homosexual. (Have I explained this clearly enough so even the dummies can get it??)

The concerns of women are still being drowned out within LGBT, only now it’s even worse. Lesbians are no longer allowed to even state what a woman is or what a lesbian is without being called a bigot, and when we can’t even name ourselves as people we certainly can’t organize amongst ourselves or have a voice.

The silencing, slandering and exclusion of lesbians from spaces that are supposed to be for us is misogyny and homophobia. Or as some people say, lesbophobia.

When I published a guest post regarding the bullying of a lesbian woman who attended a Dyke March I got one troll who said the following:

“You folks are saying that as people with uteruses, you were harassed in your own space, but it was factually NOT your space. The March was a space EXPLICITLY for self identified women, including transwomen. Openly and clearly so. So you went into someone else’s space. Whether or not you were harassed and whether or not you thing transgender women are men or women is a different issues. The issue here is that you’re claiming a trans-inclusive space as your own. It isn’t. You can’t take it. You can’t lay claim to it. You can’t insist trans people work hard for their own spaces like uterus-owning women do…cuz this WAS a trans space.”

Angie the troll thinks that a march created by lesbians for lesbians does not belong to lesbians and that we have no right to lay claim to it. She thinks that lesbians are not allowed to insist that trans people create their own space. Lesbian spaces automatically belong to anyone who wants to identify themselves as belonging there, even if they’re lesbophobic men. This is spectacularly lesbophobic. Lesbians are allowed our own march, particularly the one that we created for ourselves, and we do not owe anyone else anything.

Let me state something very clearly about men who identify as lesbians. A lesbian is a female homosexual, and no one born male can be a lesbian, since he is not female. When males use this name that belongs to women and does not belong to them they are appropriating our identity and erasing what a lesbian actually is. When men imply that lesbians should consider them as sexual partners that is sexual harassment, and it’s male violence against women. Men who identify as lesbians are lesbophobic.

The reason for Angie’s assertion that the Dyke March does not belong to dykes is that the organizers said it was a trans inclusive space in which transwomen are welcome. Angie does not recognize that a Dyke March should not be including lesbophobic men in the first place, and that this is a lesbophobic move on the part of the organizers. This should have never happened in the first place, because neither men nor lesbophobia belong at a march that is for dykes. Angie does not understand the amount of bullying that goes into making sure organizers of events put transwomen at the center of everything, nor does she recognize the narcissism and entitlement on the part of transwoman for needing to be centered in everything.

Angie has zero compassion for the lesbians who are forced to either boycott a march that was supposed to be for us but no longer is, or attend anyway and do our best to give ourselves visibility despite the lesbophobia present around us. She has zero understanding of how brave lesbians have to be to stand and assert ourselves in a lesbophobic environment. Angie has zero knowledge of the number of dissenting comments written by lesbians on various Dyke March Facebook pages over several years that have been deleted because lesbians are no longer allowed to voice our opinions on a march that lesbians created for lesbians. She has zero empathy for her sisters who are being hurt by this. Instead, she empathizes with the lesbophobic men who are forcing themselves into a space that lesbians created.

Angie continued:

“You can wish it were a space that is only for uterus-owning people…but you can’t say it was. You can’t say it’s yours because you wish it was. Just like if you organize an event specifically for folks with uteruses, people without then [sic] can’t just randomly lay claim to that event just because they wish it was for them.”

Oh, the irony! The irony burns like undiluted bleach on my eyeballs! Angie, for gawd sake, lesbians did organize a march for people with uteruses (who are attracted to people with uteruses*), and people did decide to “just randomly lay claim to that event just because they wish it was for them.” That is exactly what’s happening right before your eyes! Men who wish they were lesbians are claiming our event because they wish it was for them! How are you not seeing this?

(*Since I know some dummy will inevitably bring this up—Yes, women who have had their uteruses removed are still women. If you are a woman who’s had a hysterectomy, that doesn’t exclude you from womanhood. The fact that you had a uterus to remove makes you a woman.)

Angie’s solution to this conflict is not to tell the trans people to go march in the trans march that was created for them in order to include them in Pride—a solution which would be fair to everyone. No, her solution is to take the word “Dyke” out of the Dyke March in order to make it official that dykes are not welcome at Pride at all and that the trans deserve two marches while we deserve none.

“If the Dyke March changed the name of its event next year, would that help with this issue? If it was called the Queer Diversity March or something? Is it the fact that it has Dyke in the name that pisses you his off and makes you feel like it’s yours?”

Angie, you have some fucking nerve coming onto a lesbian feminist blog and suggesting that we should change the name of the Dyke March that was created by lesbians for lesbians to make it official that dykes don’t belong there. That is some incredible audacity and rudeness.

Then Angie makes a comparison to a white person attending a Black Lives Matter event that implies that women are on top of men in the sex hierarchy.

“I don’t attend Black Lives Matters events if I want to talk about my whiteness.…If I need a place where my white voice is welcome, I find one. I don’t go to an event that’s intended for people of colour, demand my right to take up space there, then become outraged when I’m not welcome.”

In the hierarchy of oppression based on race, white people are in the privileged position and black people are in the oppressed position. In the hierarchy of oppression based on sex, males are in the privileged position and females are in the oppressed position. Males attending an event that is meant for females and redefining it to suit their purpose is comparable to a white person attending a BLM event and taking over. In this situation, Angie, it’s the lesbophobic men who are acting like the white person in your analogy, and it’s the lesbians who are comparable to the black people. You should be out lecturing men not to take over women’s spaces, not lecturing women to accept men taking over.

Because Angie is totally confused about how systems of oppression work, she continues to compare females who exist under patriarchy to the oppressors in several systems of oppression:

“In 50 years, this’ll just be another civil rights movement, or LGBT rights movement…you guys will just be the extra paragraph…where the white people tried to keep black people down, and the right wing Christians tried to keep the gays down, and the men tried to keep the women down…”

In this quote, Angie implies that women who are having our spaces taken over by men are comparable to the men who are trying to keep women down. This level of stupid really hurts my brain. I have already discussed the racial oppression issue, and the other issue brought up is LGBT rights. Angie believes that “TERFs” are a group of people against the rights of a group called “LGBT”. She ignores the fact that a large number of the women who are slandered as TERFs actually are lesbians and we are slandered with this slur because we are pointing out lesbophobia and people don’t like that. Theoretically, the L in LGBT is supposed to stand for Lesbian, and so lesbians are certainly standing up for the L when we stand up for ourselves. To tell lesbians that we are against a group of people that includes us is ridiculous and nonsensical. To imply that lesbians who stand up for ourselves are just like the right wing Christians who are against us is mind-bogglingly stupid.

Angie, you are like a right-wing Christian, in the sense that you do not support lesbian rights and agree with the people who bully us. At this point, I think I prefer right-wing Christians over the Liberal homophobic types, because at least right wing Christians are honest about their homophobia, while Liberals pretend to appear to be gay-friendly while they’re stabbing us in the back.

Angie wrote one more comment that I’m going to address in another post, regarding “how do you guys intend on addressing the upcoming generation of transgender folks, who’ve transitioned much earlier than the current generation?” This will be an entire post of its own.

Angie I will allow you to respond to this post and the next one that address your comments, but after that you’ll be banned.

Let’s talk about who’s actually hateful and bigoted here

Well, folks, I am back from a lovely and relaxing trip and ready to address the stinking pile of horseshit that people crapped onto my blog while I was away.

I published a guest post by a woman who was harassed at the Vancouver Dyke March, and her harasser showed up in the comments to continue the harassment. It’s absolutely amazing to me that a harasser can get called out on his harassment and then decide that the appropriate response is to continue harassing. How messed up of a person do you have to be to think that’s a good idea?

Mr. Wanda Normous made a feeble attempt to claim that he hadn’t harassed anyone by reporting that he didn’t use a loud voice when talking to her. However, he admitted in his own words to engaging in the following behaviours:

  • “follow around to counter your hateful message until you took it out of the park with you”
  • “walk or stand immediately outside of your personal space with my terror breasts exposed.”
  • “I used two tools to evict you”

In these quotes, Mr. Normous has admitted to following a lesbian around and being in her personal space with the purpose of “evicting” her from the march. This is clear harassment and intimidation.

Let’s take a moment to discuss who is actually hateful and bigoted in this situation. There is a trans march and a dyke march. No lesbians are on record as saying they do not think there should be a trans march. No lesbians have attended a trans march to intimidate anybody. Lesbians have not tried to take over the board of directors of a trans march and kick out the trans people from the march. This is something that trans people are doing to the dyke march, and it’s happening only in that direction. It’s not going both ways.

Speaking for myself, I have been to a trans march. While I was there I just stood on the sidelines and watched. I did not lecture anyone about what they may or may not put on their sign. I did not select a person whose sign I believed was objectionable and follow them around in order to intimidate them. I do not believe I have the right to dictate to trans people what they put on their signs in their own march, nor do I have a right to harass anyone. I believe it’s acceptable for Pride festivals to include a trans march and for trans people to show their pride about being trans. I do not wish to stand in the way of this.

All the dyke marches in every city that holds them have been taken over by queer politics and are now hostile toward anyone who understands what a woman is and what a lesbian is. Comments from lesbians are deleted from Dyke March Facebook pages in every city and marchers hold signs that say things like “No TERFs” to make it clear that actual female homosexuals are not welcome there. The Dyke Marches now cater exclusively to men and bisexual women who agree with queer politics.

There is no logical reason why trans people need to be centered or even invited at all to a dyke march, since THERE IS A TRANS MARCH. A dyke march should center dykes.

What is happening here is that female homosexuals are being completely kicked out of Pride festivals; we cannot have our own march any more, we cannot even speak about our exclusion without being labelled bigots. It’s not just that trans people wanted their own march, which would have been fine, but they wanted every march to cater exclusively to them.

It is abundantly clear that the actual hatred and bigotry here is coming from trans people and is being directed at lesbians. Claims that lesbians are excluding trans people are complete reversals of the truth.

Speaking of lies, Wanda Normous wrote some real whoppers in the comments on my last post.

He has claimed that  “your desire to exterminate transwomen is plain” and that “you only care about hurting and excluding transwomen” and that “you’re just deciding for folks whether or not they’re women.”

Neither I nor the writer of the guest post gave any indication that we wanted to “exterminate” transwomen. In order for this alleged “desire” to be “plain,” we would have had to express it. This claim is purely a product of Mr. Normous’s imagination. Just for the record, no, I do not wish to exterminate anyone.

Neither I nor the guest writer has an interest in hurting transwomen. As for exclusion, I do think that transwomen should be excluded from the dyke march, however I do not think they should be excluded from the trans march. It’s pretty basic logic that the dyke march is for dykes and the trans march is for trans people. Having a march for each group does not exclude anybody—holding a march for each group is actually inclusion. Questions: If transwomen should be included in the dyke march, then why even have separate marches? Why not just make it one big march? And if trans people should be included in the dyke march, does this also mean that dykes should be included in the trans march? Why or why not?

A sign that says “dyke power is female” does not exclude anybody. It’s true that dykes are female. Stating a simple and neutral fact is not exclusionary.

Last but not least, the third lie mentioned above was “you’re just deciding for folks whether or not they’re women.” Nope! We’re not. Nobody can decide who is a woman and who is not. You’re just born that way. Nature and biology determine whether you’re born male or female. Nobody can decide anything about it. People can’t assign a sex to a baby any more than they can assign fingers or toes to a baby. Women are identifying the difference between male and female, but we cannot possibly decide it from our desire or will—nobody can.

I want to particularly highlight the following phrase from Wanda Normous:

“USELESS FUCKING TERF GARBAGE”

This is hate speech directed toward lesbians. Although Mr. Normous is very concerned that lesbians should not be allowed to represent a uterus on a sign because that is allegedly “hate speech” against him, he has no problem with calling lesbians “useless fucking terf garbage.” It’s very, very clear that Mr. Normous has serious misogyny issues. A misogynist and homophobic man who harasses and intimidates lesbians has absolutely no business attending a dyke march and he should be considered an unsafe person and banned from the event.

In contrast, I am a trans-critical writer who makes an effort not to use unnecessarily antagonistic language when talking about trans people. I never use the slur “tranny” and I even refrain from using the words “mutilate” and “delusional.” I believe in giving people basic courtesy and respect, in order to show that I am engaging honestly with issues and not just trolling. For a transwoman to show up on my blog and use this sort of disrespectful language when I have used no such disrespectful language toward him is very telling. Once again, the hatred and bigotry in this situation are coming from trans people and directed at lesbians; it’s a one-way street.

I did notice that Mr. Normous intentionally “misgendered” me by referring to me with male signifiers. This did not harm me in any way, because using incorrect grammar in a sentence does not cause people harm. I found it mildly amusing, but it really didn’t matter at all. However, I have to note that according to trans ideology, misgendering is “violence,” and so according to Mr. Normous’s own political position, he has committed “violence” toward me. Funny how the “violence” of misgendering only matters when directed toward transwomen; when directed at lesbians it’s not a problem.

The last point I’m going to cover for tonight is this:

“your narrative that women are only as good as their reproductive organs”

This is not at all the narrative that feminists present. It is a bald-faced lie to claim this. It is patriarchy that positions women as only good for reproduction and PIV sex. The entire feminist movement has been based on women’s knowledge that we are more than just wives and mothers and that we can do anything we want. Our work has been based on allowing us to control our reproductive capacity so that we are not reduced to our biological functions and can enter the workforce as men’s equals. To name the female reproductive anatomy does not reduce women to just their reproductive anatomy. Similarly, if I identify that I have ten fingers, that does not reduce me to just fingers, and if I identify that I have two eyes, that does not reduce me to nothing but eyes. This attempt at an argument is beyond pathetic.

Over and over I have witnessed transwomen behaving with masculine socialization (entitlement, dominance, and aggression), making ridiculously misogynist and homophobic statements, engaging in misogynist and homophobic behaviours, and telling bald-faced lies about feminists. I am absolutely not impressed and as long as they behave this way I will not be a political ally toward them. Although I would theoretically support some parts of trans activism, such as gender-neutral toilets and the right to wear the clothing one wants to wear, I cannot ally with people who are this hateful toward my demographic.

Over and over, transwomen demonstrate, with their own words and behaviour, that they do not resemble women in the slightest, and that they are particularly dangerous men. Feminists hardly have to call attention to the fact that transwomen are male; they do it themselves.