Some TERFy dating advice for a Reddit commenter

A Reddit user wrote the following comment:

“I’m a 23 year old female, lesbian identifying. So, I’ve been seeing this girl for a few months. We live in different cities so we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, but it’s been going alright. We’ve kissed a few times, and she’s been flirting more lately. I’m definitely not a virgin but I’m a bit nervous. Because she has a penis. I’ve always considered myself super gay. Logically, I know I am dating a woman, even if she has junk I’m unfamiliar with. She’s been on HRT for about three months and still isn’t completely female passing, which I don’t care about. But I don’t know how to process the thought of sex. We’ve talked about it, and she let me know she would be fine with not doing PIV at all, and has let me know of other, non penetrative things we could do that I didn’t even know existed. My last relationship (with a cis woman) consisted pretty much entirely of her penetrating me with a strap on. And I feel like such a hypocrite, for being okay with that but possibly not with her organic penis. And then what if I do want it? Does that make me less gay? I’ve never even had an orgasm, by anyone (including myself) and if it happens during PIV was I really straight all this time? I had sex with a trans man once who was pre everything, and I was completely comfortable because he still had all the parts I was familiar with. So am I being transphobic because of her penis? Would really appreciate some advice.”

Now, since this commenter posted in trans-friendly subreddits, all the responses were about how she should go ahead and have heterosex even though she doesn’t seem to be comfortable with it. The material in the comments is an absolute train wreck.

Just FYI, this same comment was posted in two subreddits, here and here.

I’m going to post individual sentences taken from the responses, and then add my own commentary.

“It definitely will take some time and it will probably get easier as she gets further along in her transition.”

When you say that “it will get easier,” that implies that it’s not easy now. The reason why it’s “not easy” right now is because this woman is attracted to women but dating a man. This does not feel comfortable for her, obviously. This situation will never get easier, and it doesn’t need to. The idea of having sex with your partner should not feel uneasy or difficult. If you don’t actively enjoy sex with someone, then don’t have sex.

“Being with a transwoman and even enjoying sex with her doesn’t make you any less gay.”

Nah, when you are a woman and you enjoy having sex with a man, that does make you “less gay” because enjoying sex with a man means you’re not gay. If it turns out that this woman does enjoy sex with a man, that’s fine, and that means she’s bisexual. No need to worry about that—it’s okay to be bisexual.

“Oh, sweetheart. Everyone internalizes the weird shit our heteronormative society tells us, and there are few organs as loaded with symbolism as the human penis. You’ve just realized that you’ve internalized a lot of weird, transphobic shit that’s creating a hesitancy or blockage, so I totally understand feeling confused.”

Oh gawd, the irony! You are telling a woman who is likely a lesbian that she should be having sex with a man and enjoying it, but you’re saying that her reluctance to have sex with a man is “heteronormative.” Welcome to backwards land!

“Is ‘lesbian’ a label that you use to describe who you are, or do you find it occasionally is a box that shapes you into some preconceived notion of who you’re supposed to be?…Maybe experiment with letting go to your attachment to your labels and see where that takes you? You being you is far more important than you being faithful to your labels.”

So, basically, the solution to being a woman who isn’t interested in men is not to stop dating men, but to stop calling yourself a lesbian!

“Don’t start by jumping into the deep end with both feet. Work your way into it more easily – start things off with touching (through clothes at first) and GO SLOW. You’re entering what is new territory for you, and it’s only natural that you should be nervous.”

There’s nothing wrong with going slow, but what is really obvious here is that you are telling this woman that she should not listen to her feelings of discomfort and should go ahead with something she isn’t into anyway, despite the nervous feeling. Although it’s subtle, you are gaslighting her and you are working to break down her boundaries. This is abuse.

A few words on “feeling nervous.” Sure, it’s normal to feel nervous with a new partner, but pay attention to what kind of nervous you are feeling. Being nervous because you’re really excited and happy about someone and the relationship is important to you is a good thing. But if it feels wrong or uncomfortable and you’re not sure if you should go ahead because you’re not feeling right about it, then that’s a bad nervous. That’s a sign not to go any further.

“All humans start off as physically female in the beginning of their development, gaining male or female physical sex traits later on….So for trans women, our penises are basically (really) big clitorises.”

Nope. Just because a fetus starts off with undifferentiated genitalia, doesn’t mean that fully-formed adult males can claim their penis is a female organ. This is a bullshit argument.

“It’s not unusual at all for women to not be able to bring themselves to orgasm — hell, I can’t anymore.”

Dude…your inability to orgasm now that your penis has shrunk from estrogen has absolutely no relation to lack of orgasm in human females.

So this was some super terrible advice. Basically, lie about human biology, stop calling yourself a lesbian, and have sex with a man even though you don’t like it! This is really abusive and homophobic.

Here’s my advice!

It is not at all logical that a human who is male would be called a “woman,” since a woman is a human female. What is actually “logically” happening here is that you are dating a man. You say this man has been on hormones for only three months and doesn’t pass as female. Guess what? You are dating a fully-intact typical male. There is nothing female about him whatsoever. The feelings of discomfort you are experiencing are there because you are not attracted to men. That is okay. It is not at all bigoted or phobic to decline to have sex with men. Women do not owe men anything, not sex, not love, not our time or energy, not our validation, not anything.

You don’t have to feel like a hypocrite for enjoying penetrative sex with a woman but not wanting sex with a man. That is entirely normal and okay. A dildo is absolutely not a penis and neither is a penis a dildo. There is no reason why liking one means you have to like the other.

The trans/queer community is gaslighting you—that means they are forcing you to disregard your own feelings and your own knowledge of reality and instead accept someone else’s idea of reality instead. Somewhere in your brain you do understand that your partner is a man and that you are not happy. You are allowed to pay attention to what you can see with your own eyes. You are allowed to trust your own instincts. This is good and healthy for you. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. The best thing you can do for yourself at this point is stop dating anyone who is male, stay away from the queer/trans cult because they are extremely misogynist, and only date women who you are attracted to and who treat you well.

Best of luck to you, sister.


Surprise! A republican man hates women

Bonnie Bacarisse, writing for The Daily Beast, researched a republican representative and demonstrated that he is in fact the founder of ‘The Red Pill’ men’s rights forum. She wrote a thorough analysis of both how she found out it was him and the nature of the MRA forum, going back several years. It’s long but worth reading—it’s a good look at the type of misogyny that festers beneath the surface of men who talk about things like “traditional marriage” and “family values.”

Robert Fisher, a representative for New Hampshire, has written some of the following comments:

“I’m going to say it—Rape isn’t an absolute bad, because the rapist I think probably likes it a lot. I think he’d say it’s quite good, really.”

“Marriage, and yes, female oppression, slut shaming, religion, these were all a means to control hypergamy. Marriages might be considered loveless, and women might have been unhappy, but for men it meant marriages that lasted, commitments that continued, and protection against the fickle whims of females.”

“To give women autonomy is to take away the very thing that made marriage a realistic institution.”

He also believes that it’s “evolutionarily advantageous and perfectly natural” for middle-aged men to ogle the breasts of 15-year-old girls and that women’s personalities are “lackluster and boring, serving little purpose in day to day life.”

This is a man who is so paranoid about false rape accusations, that he claims to have a video camera set up in his room in order to document any sexual encounters.

As Bacarisse reports, “As a candidate for state representative, Fisher proposed bringing concerns about the supposed plague of false rape accusations into the statehouse.”

Time magazine got a quote from him about the revelation that is the founder of a misogynist hate forum.

“I’m disappointed that this sort of attack has replaced real news, but it strengthens my position and resolve that fighting for equal rights is more important today than ever. Here’s my message to the public: I am not disappearing. I will continue to stand strong for men’s rights and the rights of all.”

He literally just said, “Yep, I’m an MRA.”

Take note women: republican men say “family values” because that sounds nice, but what they actually mean is reversing the feminist movement, taking away women’s autonomy, and giving men full control over women. They don’t care about “families,” they care about preserving male power.

Right wing women attempt to try to explain away their husband’s behavior, but the rotten truth is that: he hates you.

Men hate us

In my last anti-porn article someone made a comment that I “openly hate men.” I was thinking of writing a response to that but I found I didn’t feel like explaining it. Women have been accused of hating men so many times, and it’s been explained so many times that expecting men to stop abusing us doesn’t amount to us “hating” them.

Then I saw this picture yesterday and it’s the perfect illustration of how men openly hate women.

This banner was hung by misogynist frat boys near the University of Cincinnati:


This banner was created to warn (threaten?) women that if they come near they can expect to be given rough blow jobs (which means having a penis shoved down their throats until they gag.) The fact that the text is addressed to a parent of the woman instead of the woman herself makes it even more creepy. The words “your daughter” makes it sound like their target victim is a young woman, presumably a college freshman. The fact that they are addressing this to a parent of a college freshman makes it sound as though the message is addressed to parents (most likely fathers) who are dropping off their freshman daughters at college for the first time. They don’t seem to be the least bit ashamed of communicating to fathers what they will be doing to abuse their daughters. It seems as though they are expecting other men to find this funny.

This banner displays several things:

  • Men are quite proud of their misogyny and their desire to hurt women
  • Men think the abuse women endure in porn is a legitimate thing to do to women
  • Men assume that there will be no negative consequences when they abuse women (and they’re right—just a few days ago Global News reported that only 3% of sexual assault reports in Vancouver result in convictions—and the numbers are similar everywhere else. Men are effectively allowed to abuse women because there are rarely ever negative consequences for them when they do.)
  • Men don’t give a flying fuck about the way they make women feel with their disgusting behavior.

In Germany, where prostitution is legal, billboards like this show up around town:

german ad

(This image is taken from an excellent article by Manuela Schon which is an absolute must-read by the way.)

Can you imagine being a German woman and whenever you leave the house you see billboards advertising pussy for sale? How can you ever develop a sense of self or a healthy relationship with a man when your genitals are literally consumer products that men own and can buy and sell as they please?

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world—men consider women to be commodities that they own and can use however they want. In the so-called “developed” world we create ridiculous amounts of pornography, which is simply prostitution with a camera, and there are large problems with human trafficking (often of teenagers), child abuse, child porn, and intimate partner violence. In other countries, women are literal sex slaves and child brides and are open targets for rape. Men are never ashamed of the way they behave. They call it either “culture” or “religion” or “free speech” or “the woman’s choice” or any number of bullshit excuses without ever feeling an ounce of shame that they’re behaving like monsters from hell.

A father in Australia was put in jail for raping his own daughter from age 11 to 13 and selling her to other men to rape using ads on Craigslist. When he went to jail he said “it was fun while it lasted.”

The youngest convicted rapist is 11 years old. A boy in the U.K raped his sister, aged 9, two times. No doubt he learned this violent behavior from porn, which men around the world defend as “free speech.” The freedom for men to abuse women and to groom young boys into becoming abusers is protected above the freedom of women and girls to be safe from abuse. You can definitely make a case that exposure to pornography is child abuse against boys too. However, since it’s girls on the receiving end of that abuse I’m going to put my energy and compassion toward them.

When someone accuses me of “hating men,” my first reaction is “of course I do.” How can anyone not hate men? Their behavior is so terrible I’d be quite happy to never see another one of them again as long as I live. But you know what you will never see me do? You’ll never see me actually treating men as badly as they treat women. I have no desire to harm anyone—I just want to live in peace without being abused. When I’m accused of hating men, and this goes for all feminists, what we’re usually actually doing is pointing out their terrible behavior and expressing our rage. And when we fantasize about a world without men, most of the time we’re not fantasizing about literally killing them, we just want to get away from them and have some peace.

There are a tiny amount of feminists who advocate for reducing the male population by killing male babies. You’ll notice, however, that they haven’t actually carried out this plan, it’s been limited to just commentary on the Internet, and most feminists don’t agree with this idea. Male babies aren’t generally at risk of anything in the real world except for the grooming and abuse they’ll experience from adult men, and from things like racism, poverty, and violence which are largely perpetrated by men.

I mostly don’t want any men around me because I get so tired of dealing with sexism, mansplaining and macho behavior. But like everyone else in the world, I realize it’s #notallmen, and I do have a couple of male friends in real life who are really fun to drink beer and play cards with. There are about four or five men who read my blog who are pro-feminist and I don’t mind them commenting. Because it’s not about actually hating people on the basis of being male, it’s about hating macho male behavior, and so it follows that if you’re acting like a decent human being then I don’t have a problem with you.

It’s men who openly hate women. They proudly proclaim that hate all the time and act on it whenever they want to, because they like it and they can.

Patriarchy and female sexuality, Part 1

It was a gorgeous, sunny Saturday, so naturally I was deep in the reference section of the library reading the DSM-IV-TR,* as you do, and I happened to come across the section on vaginismus. (*The newest one is the DSM-5, but it wasn’t available while I was there.)

“Vaginismus is an involuntary spasm of the musculature of the outer third layer of the vagina, which makes penile penetration difficult or impossible. The diagnosis is not made if an organic cause is known. Although a woman with vaginismus may wish to have intercourse, her symptom prevents the penis from entering her body. It is as though her vagina says, “No!” In lifelong vaginismus, the anticipation of pain at the first intercourse causes muscle spasm. Pain reinforces the fear and on occasion, the partner’s response gives her good reason to dread a second opportunity to have intercourse. Early episodic vaginismus may be common among women, but most of the cases that are brought to medical attention are chronic. Lifelong vaginismus is relatively rare. The clinician needs to focus attention on what may have made the idea of intercourse so overwhelming to her: parental intrusiveness, sexual trauma, childhood genital injury, illnesses whose therapy involved orifice penetration, and surgery.” DSM-IV-TR, p 1074, 2004.

Emphasis mine.

This is absolutely shocking. I can’t believe they acknowledge that vaginismus is the vagina saying “no,” but they classify this as a disorder! That is a blatant example of rape culture. It doesn’t seem to have occurred to any of the misogynists who create this book that the vagina has a right to say no and that this is completely normal and acceptable behavior, since heterosexual intercourse is not necessary and is unpleasant to some women.

This week I also read a conversation between some lesbian detransitioners about how they didn’t know how to relate to their genitals and their sexuality because their sexual feelings didn’t match what they were taught about female sexuality. (More on this later.) This all makes it clear to me that we aren’t done talking about female sexuality, particularly lesbian sexuality, because people are still going around thinking that women are receptacles for male sperm, and that any women who don’t like being treated this way either have a disorder or aren’t real women. This is ancient fucking misogyny and I am really pissed that this is sticking around.

(It’s too bad we don’t have a feminist sex-positive movement that tells the truth about female sexuality and fights against rape culture, so that women can enjoy sex safely and in ways that work for us. Instead, we have a bunch of fucking idiots going around calling themselves “sex-positive” while promoting pornography, prostitution, and BDSM, all institutions which exist for the benefit of male abusers and to the detriment of women. That shit is abuse-positive, not sex-positive.)

PIV sex is culturally forced on all women–it has reached the status of institution and is expected of every woman whether she wants it or not. I’ve also written before about how lesbians are being taught to interpret their natural sexual desires as evidence of maleness in this post. I’m going to be repeating myself a bit here, but that’s okay. Since saying no to dick is still considered a disorder, and since lesbians still believe they’re men, I figure this is worth repeating. Besides, as a radical man-hating lesbian feminist blogger, writing against PIV is literally my job.

*rolls up sleeves*

Let’s start with vaginismus. This condition is generally caused by fear of intercourse and previous trauma. The involuntary spasm of the muscles is obviously a defensive reaction against something the body fears. Why does this even need to be treated? Why would you try to remove a defensive reaction from a traumatized woman in order to subject her to the same incident that traumatized her before? (Answer: misogyny.) This is so hateful it’s amazing that anyone can suggest it with a straight face. The treatment for vaginismus is, of course, more penetration. If we lived in a woman-friendly culture, the cure for not wanting to have sex would just be not having sex. The DSM-IV-TR mentions “pairing relaxation techniques with progressively larger vaginal dilators (p1075).” That sounds a lot like “Close your eyes and think of England.” Just relax, ladies, and accept the exact same penetration that caused you fear and pain in the first place, until you finally learn to enjoy it, or at least fake enjoying it. Because it doesn’t matter what women want, it just matters that men can continue to dominate us.

The website, which exists in order to sell a book and kit to women in an attempt to cure them of their bodies’ legitimate defensive reactions, has some more shocking information about this “disorder.”

Some non-physical causes of vaginismus, according to

“Fear or anticipation of intercourse pain, fear of not being completely physically healed following pelvic trauma, fear of tissue damage (i.e. “being torn”), fear of getting pregnant, concern that a pelvic medical problem may reoccur, etc.”

These are all legitimate reasons not to have intercourse.

“General anxiety, performance pressures, previous unpleasant sexual experiences, negativity toward sex, guilt, emotional traumas, or other unhealthy sexual emotions.”

Why is negativity toward sex an “unhealthy sexual emotion”?? It is entirely reasonable to feel negatively toward sex, especially when you are female. The risk of pregnancy and infection are always there, plus in this culture, sex for women often means being disrespected and abused by partners who are addicted to porn and full of male entitlement. Why on Earth would women who feel negatively toward sex be encouraged to have more sex? This is rape culture.

“Partner issues : Abuse, emotional detachment, fear of commitment, distrust, anxiety about being vulnerable, losing control, etc.”

If you are having relationship issues such as abuse and distrust, then dump the boyfriend, don’t buy a vaginal dilator!

“Past emotional/sexual abuse, witness of violence or abuse, repressed memories.”

Once again, why should abuse survivors have to repeat the incident that traumatized them?

There are also physical causes, such as medical problems, results of recent childbirth, surgery, vaginal dryness, or insufficient foreplay. All very good reasons not to have intercourse. has a page devoted to treatment. This page sells you their book and kit which takes you through everything you need to know about how to override your body’s reactions and submit to your husband or boyfriend who wants to penetrate you against your will. Their ten-step program makes tiny mentions of relationship issues and prior trauma, but it mostly talks about how a woman can relax her pelvic floor muscles and practice inserting objects into her vagina despite the pain it causes. It uses rapey language such as “how to override involuntary contractions, relaxing the pelvic floor so it responds correctly to sexual penetration.” BARF!

That sentence from the DSM-IV-TR is still haunting me. It is as though her vagina says “No!” The medical establishment has been considering a woman’s “no” to be a problem for decades, and of course, the capitalist patriarchy is going to benefit from the gas-lighting of the medical community in order to sell us products that “cure” our legitimate need to say “no.”

One of the reasons why this particular sentence is haunting me is because I remember a time when I attempted intercourse and my vagina said “No.” (Actually, I think her exact words were, “No way dude, get the fuck out.”) At age 18, when I was in deep denial that I actually preferred women, I had sex with my friend who we’ll call “Joe.” I believed I wanted to, and I was happy while driving to his place, and we did the things I believed I wanted to do, but my body didn’t respond. I barely got wet at all, and I ended up drying out completely when he penetrated me. I dried up enough that we couldn’t continue. We awkwardly stopped trying and neither of us were satisfied. At the time I had no idea what was wrong. Despite years of finding female friends attractive, I believed that my body would respond to heterosexual intercourse. I believed this because of the strong heteronormativity in society—every bit of culture I was exposed to told me that all people were heterosexual, and when I learned about sex from books and sex ed classes I saw the diagram and the explanation of what sex is—“when a man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina.” I was taught to believe that this was the most important and enjoyable sex act humans can partake in, and I was baffled as to why it didn’t work for me. I tried it again multiple times, believing I’d figure out how to make it work someday, but it never did. In university I was sleeping with a guy regularly and using artificial lube because I wasn’t wet enough. I was discussing this with a female friend and she had to sit me down one day and explain to me that it’s not normal for a horny 21-year-old to be dry during sex. She helped me to realize that I actually wasn’t enjoying it because I wasn’t excited by men. I couldn’t escape the denial anymore—I knew it was true.

Look at what the medical establishment suggests for someone like me, whose vagina said “No” to heterosexual intercourse even though in my mind I believed I wanted to. Neither the DSM nor the vaginismus website mentions the possibility that the woman could be homosexual. Nor do they mention that a heterosexual woman might not want intercourse and might prefer other forms of sexual activity. Their suggestion is getting over the fear and pain and doing it anyway. Women have the right to listen to their bodies and go with what feels good and avoid what doesn’t feel good. Instead of being taught a sexuality that suits men, women should be taught to trust their bodies and pay attention to their own reactions.

If I was creating a book for women with vaginismus, it would be very short. In fact, I’ll publish the whole thing right here for you to read:

Purple Sage’s Radical Feminist Cure for Vaginismus:

Step 1: Don’t have heterosexual intercourse.

Step 2: Tell your boyfriend or husband to fuck off.

Step 3: Consider becoming a spinster.

Done! Problem solved, and no dilators needed.

So what did we learn from this study of vaginismus? I didn’t write about this topic to shed light on an involuntary muscular contraction. The point here, of course, is that female sexuality is constructed by patriarchy. The male-run medical establishment creates propaganda in the form of medical textbooks teaching women that our sexuality is to be a passive receptacle. Popular culture, including pornography, also churns out propaganda teaching women the same thing. Religion teaches us that our role in life is to be married heterosexual wives who produce children. Absolutely nothing in our culture teaches us the truth about female sexuality—that we have an active sexual desire of our own that comes from our organ of sexual pleasure, the clitoris, and that the emotions, desires and preferences that live in our brains determine what the clitoris will respond to. The clitoris will not respond to people who aren’t pleasing to her or to situations she doesn’t like.

This concludes part 1, and in part 2 I will finally get back to that conversation I mentioned between detransitioners who thought they were male because they had a normal, active, clit-centered, female sexuality.

Teen boy rapes and murders his girlfriend; records it on cell phone

Obviously, this story is very disturbing.

From ABC news:

“Shocking details surfaced in the death of 15-year-old Karen Perez. The South Houston High School freshman’s body was discovered late Monday night, days after she vanished. Search crews found her body partially nude and stuffed in a cabinet under a sink inside an abandoned apartment at 1600 Avenue N in the city of South Houston.
Her accused killer faced a judge in juvenile court Wednesday morning. Prosecutors revealed the 15-year-old suspect, whose identity has not been made public, was her boyfriend.”

“Police found text messages on the boyfriend’s phones, according to prosecutors. The messages showed the boyfriend texted Karen, demanded she skip school on Friday, and meet him by the tennis courts. Surveillance video from a nearby restaurant shows Karen with the defendant and another person, leaving there shortly after noon. She never returned home again. If she didn’t, the message said he would kill her and her life will “end on bloods.”Prosecutors said cell phone video from the boyfriend’s phone captured Karen’s final moments alive. The video was black but the audio was clear. In it, they said the boyfriend could be heard forcing Karen to have sex with him. He called her by name. As Karen told him she didn’t want sex, prosecutors said the boyfriend began choking her. Investigators said in the audio you can hear Karen cry out, “I don’t want to die.”

Unfortunately, men raping women (and even teen boys raping teen girls) and recording the crime, usually on video, is not rare. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the case of Rehtaeh Parsons, who committed suicide after her classmates filmed themselves raping her. Men do this because they love rape; they are proud of raping women, and they want to be able to watch it again and show it to other men. It’s very rare that rapists are ever prosecuted, even when the evidence is clear. An entire cultural narrative that permeates every aspect of society tells us that women are liars, that we enjoy being abused, that we cause our own abuse by doing or wearing the wrong things, and that if we don’t behave in exactly the right way after a rape, then it wasn’t really rape. Recently in Canada, serial abuser Jian Ghomeshi was declared not guilty of overcoming resistance by choking. This is because the women he abused continued to contact him after the abuse, and even still had some feelings for him. Because the women he abused did not behave the way the courts deemed appropriate after the abuse, Ghomeshi’s strangulation without consent was declared legal and not abusive. (I can’t believe we even have to specify that the strangulation was without consent, but we do.)

Strangulation is, in fact, popular with abusive men. Kinksters think it’s an edgy and intense way to have sex. They call it “breath play.” The euphemism “breath play” obscures the fact that strangulation is the act of killing someone. It shouldn’t even be necessary to spell this out, but if you think it’s sexy to imitate killing someone during sex, you are an abusive asshole and a horrible person. I don’t care who I kink-shame by saying that.

There are no other criminals who regularly film their crimes other than male rapists who target women. You don’t see people proudly filming themselves stealing money or robbing banks or breaking into buildings. These are crimes that the criminal wants to cover up in order to not get caught. But rapists who rape women are proud of their crimes, and they can be reasonably sure that they won’t be prosecuted. They are often regarded as heros by other men, and protected by their male peers. They can openly talk and joke about raping women without fear of being ostracized or called out on abusive behaviour.

It’s no surprise that men are proud of raping women and that they film their crimes. A multi-billion dollar industry selling videos of men raping women is currently one of the biggest money-makers in global capitalism. Women and girls are for sale in nearly every country. It is legal to film a rape and sell it; it is called “free speech” and “business” by the men who profit from it. Children as young as 11 are now watching it on their cell phones. Women who challenge this industry that profits from the abuse and dehumanization of women are called “anti-sex,” and “prudes.” We are supposed to fully embrace the sale of our sisters and daughters in the name of sexual freedom. It is of course only freedom for men. Freedom for women would be the freedom to NOT be for sale—the freedom to be in charge of our own lives and not be subject to this kind of abuse.

It is horrible and tragic that this 15 year old boy recorded himself raping and strangling his girlfriend to death, but it’s not surprising. The next generation of boys are all being taught through ubiquitous and high-quality media that women are there for them to use, and that the more violently they use us, the sexier it is.

Pornography and BDSM are incompatible with women’s humanity, but rest assured they will remain enormously popular as long as we live in capitalist patriarchy.

The unfortunate sexualization of schoolgirls

Another one of those articles came up where schoolgirls are being asked to wear longer skirts to school to avoid getting assaulted by male students and teachers. These articles are a dime a dozen, of course—this happens all the bloody time, all over the world. This one took place in New Zealand and the following bullshit went down:

“Teenage girls at a New Zealand high school have reportedly been told to lower their skirts to knee level so as not to “distract” male students and teachers.

Around 40 students in year 11 at Henderson high school in Auckland were called to a meeting and told by deputy principal Cherith Telford that their skirts would need to be lowered to knee level, Newshub reports.

Telford said the move was designed to “keep our girls safe, stop boys from getting ideas and create a good work environment for male staff.”

Luckily, they interviewed a feminist who explained that this is victim-blaming. Since I am a radical feminist, I’m going to do more than name this as victim-blaming, I’m going to do a full analysis. (Sorry arainandagale, I know you’ve had enough depressing stuff, but the thing is, every day the patriarchy gives me a new thing to rant about.)

Let’s look at the context in which these girls have been told to lower their skirt length, shall we? We live in a culture in which schoolgirls are constantly sexualized. The most popular genre in the multi-billion dollar porn industry is teen, in which teen girls who are often 18 but made to look younger than 18 are sexually abused by older men, often in ways that explicitly present an incestuous relationship or a teacher-student situation. That’s because men really love abusing their power to sexually assault vulnerable girls. The schoolgirl uniform itself is sexualized—women in porn often wear it to accentuate their youth and the “schoolgirl” uniform is an outfit you can buy in shops that sell sex toys. The uniform of the schoolgirl is literally fetish gear for adults.

The principal of this school is quoted as saying she didn’t want male students “getting ideas.” I think they definitely will get ideas—they will get them from the porn culture we live in, there’s no way around that. They will get the idea that women and girls owe them sex, that we are objects for their use, that our purpose is to give them boners, and that if we aren’t happy about this arrangement we aren’t real women. Unfortunately, changing the length of the girls’ skirts won’t convince boys that their female classmates are full human beings when everything in their world is telling them otherwise.

The principal also mentions wanting to create a “good work environment for male staff.” I wonder, if the students’ skirts were one inch shorter, why would that create a bad work environment? Will male teachers suddenly be unable to teach a math lesson or grade papers because of the girls’ skirts? (sarcasm)

Everybody knows what kind of culture we live in. Only radical feminists will admit this out loud, but we know that adult men routinely sexualize girls and will assault them when they get the chance. Adults who care about girls will often take ineffectual measures to supposedly keep girls “safe” without actually doing anything to prevent men from assaulting them. This is one such case.

This principal correctly identifies that both adult men and teen boys are threats to girls’ safety, and she knows why this is. So, does she fight against the porn culture that is teaching boys and men that girls are things for them to use? No. Does she push for better rates of rape convictions for perpetrators? No. Does she educate about consent? No. Does she target the men whose behaviours are a problem? No. Does she fight to liberate the female sex class from male control? No. Instead, she tells the girls to wear longer skirts. This strategy makes her feel like she is doing something, even though the power and privilege that men enjoy that allows them to assault women and girls remains completely intact. It doesn’t matter a bit how long or short their skirts are. Men will assault women and girls no matter what we are wearing. Quite often we are wearing jeans and a T shirt. Sexual assault has nothing to do with clothing, it has to do with men’s power over women and their enjoyment of domination. Men assault women because they can and they like to.

When we teach girls that they are little seductive temptresses for men, they can react in a couple of ways. They can learn to sexualize their own subordination and their vulnerability, and become the best sex objects they can be, taking pleasure in getting superficial approval from men who don’t actually respect them, or they can take the opposite approach, becoming unfeminine, hiding under baggy clothes, avoiding men, or not identifying as women. Some girls decide, if that’s what women are, then I must not be one. Teaching them to cover up or get assaulted doesn’t keep them safe, and it only makes things worse, because it teaches them that they are sex objects and that they have to accept this fate and take full responsibility for how men decide to use them.

The only thing that would actually keep these girls safe is to overthrow the patriarchy. End the sexualization of girls, end the porn industry, put rapists in jail, and give women and girls control over their own bodies. These should be the goals of anyone who is trying to protect girls.

Japanese women tricked into performing in porn

From The Independent:

“Women in Japan are being exploited by the country’s multi-million pound pornography industry, it has been alleged.

More than 130 cases have come to light over the last four years in which young women have been exploited, coerced or conned into performing in the adult entertainment industry. Many are raped or forced to engage in sexual acts without using protection.

Activists and lawyers held a conference this week to highlight growing concerns about the issue, Japan Times reports. Advocates said that women are often approached by people pretending to be modelling scouts and offering modelling contracts. However, once the women have signed them they later realise that they are not commercial or fashion modelling contracts but that they in fact committ them to engaging in sex work. If they try to leave the arrangement, they are reportedly threatened with legal action.”

It is very common for recruiters to the sex industry to offer women fake jobs as models and dancers, and then when they sign up, bring them to a brothel or porn set. In her book Female Sexual Slavery, Kathleen Barry documented this as one of the common strategies that men use to lure young women.

Men have absolutely no shame about recruiting young women into an industry in which they will be exploited and repeatedly abused. They are so entitled to use women this way that pornography companies can even sue women who try to leave.

“One case was brought before the courts last September when an aspiring actress was sued by a pornography company after she said she wanted to terminate her contract. She said that she had been forced to appear in a number of obscene job assignments whilst underage and to perform in pornographic films once she became an adult. Once she refused to continue in the industry, the company subsequently sued her for damages.”

This should not even be legally possible. The opposite should be possible—women should be able to sue pornographers for violation of their civil rights. The level of hatred that men feel for women is extremely evident when they trick women into appearing in porn, rape them on camera, and then sue them when they try to leave.

Lots of women do not consent to appear in porn and are there because they have been tricked, forced, groomed or coerced. If you are watching porn there is a good chance you are watching someone’s rape.

The pornography industry exists because we live in a patriarchy where men have power over women and women are considered objects for men’s use. This industry is incompatible with women’s humanity. If men and women were equal, then the logical response to seeing a video of a woman being raped would not be to masturbate, but to call the police to report a crime.