Studies show sex robots increasingly unsafe

The following “fake news” article was inspired by this real article and was written for your entertainment.

July 18, 2068

By: Nathan Green

WASHINGTON – Growing numbers of men are concerned that their Total Lifestyle Companions™ (TLCs™) may be unsafe after numerous reports of hacking, often by ex-wives. The hacked TLCs™ have been reported to turn against their owners by making disparaging remarks, destroying items in the home, and even committing acts of violence. In response to this growing issue, TLC™ owner Hugh Hogbottom has founded a non-profit organization called Consumers of Robots Advocacy Protection or “C.R.A.P.” which, according to its website, exists to “Protect the interests of owners of all personal robotic devices” by “researching, lobbying and making safety issues known to the public.”

I was able to speak to Hogbottom in his home in Northwest Washington. On the day of my visit, his TLC™, named Bobbi, was properly behaved. She welcomed me into the home and served coffee for us as we sat in the living room to chat. The house looked tidy and cared for, and Hogbottom told me it had been over a week since the last incident.

“She behaves most of the time, but there have been a few incidents,” he said. “I’m constantly on edge because I don’t know what might happen next.”

Photo credit:

He shows me the one piece of evidence he has of Bobbi’s misbehaviour, although, as he explains, most of the incidents haven’t been recorded. The piece of evidence is a slip of paper that was supposed to have been a shopping list.

“I told Bobbi to write some things down that I needed,” he said. “I dictated some items to her, but when I looked at what she had written, instead of seeing my list, it said: ‘Every man, deep down, knows he’s a worthless piece of shit.’ I was shocked. At first I didn’t understand what had happened.”

At six-foot-three, with an athletic build, Hogbottom appears to be a pillar of strength, but when he speaks of his betrayal by Bobbi I see the weariness and pain in his eyes.

As well as the shopping list incident, there have been many incidents of Bobbi making shocking remarks to him, sometimes in front of friends. On one occasion, Hogbottom says he was telling his friends about the time when he gave his ex a triple-orgasm, and Bobbi suddenly shouted “You lying bastard, you were absolutely pathetic in bed!” Hogbottom says he was shocked and humiliated.

“I began to suspect my ex-wife had hacked into Bobbi. I did marry an ‘organic’ woman before getting my TLC™, and I think she may be jealous. I left her five years ago because I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship, and I think she’s upset because she realizes the TLC™ is a more satisfactory partner than her. I ended up going online and finding lots of stories of the same thing happening to other men. I realized we needed to raise some awareness and protect ourselves.”

Indeed, men have been increasingly making these reports. According to research carried out by the C.R.A.P. foundation, 32% of men report that their former organic wives have at some point hacked into their personal robotic devices for malicious reasons. Of that group, 65% report that their robot has said something negative toward them, 86% say their robot has deliberately destroyed their home or possessions, and 7% say their robot has attempted to harm them during sex, by either strangulation or by cuts or burns to the penis. One man, Peter Clutterbuck, experienced the worst nightmare of men who use personal robotic devices: his robot, Tootsie, released a sharp blade through her front-hole during use, severing his penis. He says her front hole, which was usually a great device, had suddenly become “like a guillotine.” Clutterbuck joined the C.R.A.P foundation from his hospital bed, and vowed to “make sex robots safe again” so that nothing like this would happen to another man.

“It’s rough out there,” says Hugh Hogbottom, as he nervously sips his coffee. “Things are getting worse for men every day.”

So why do women do it? Hogbottom blames jealousy.

“Organic women know they can’t measure up to the appeal of robotic companions. My Total Lifestyle Companion™ is beautiful, doesn’t age, doesn’t nag me, keeps my house clean and always wants sex. My ex-wife couldn’t compete with that, and she knows it. That’s why she wants to hack the robot, to get even. I suspect this is the case in most hackings. What organic women need to realize is that 64% of men are now choosing robot partners over “organic” ones, because they are getting a better deal. This is progress, it’s the way of the future. If organic women want to compete, they’ll have to step up their game.”

I was able to track down Hogbottom’s ex-wife, Susan Solanas, to ask her for a statement. Although she did not reply to my request for an interview, I did find her personal blog where I was able to access the following comments:

“I can’t believe the things my stupid ex has been saying. We got a divorce because I found out he’d been cheating on me with several women. I asked him to go to marriage counselling and he refused, so I left him. Now he’s claiming that he left me because I wasn’t as good as his stupid sex robot. I was just going to ignore him at first, but he was writing social media posts full of lies on pages where I’d obviously find them, and it was getting so obnoxious I finally had to take him down a notch. I’m a computer programmer working in the area of control of AI, and the stupid knucklehead hasn’t changed any of his passwords since we were married, so I was able to get into his robot as easily as walking through an open door. I’ve been making the thing tell the truth whenever Hugh lies, which has been irritating the hell out of him.”

When I asked Hogbottom to comment on the content’s of Solanas’s blog, he called her a “jealous, lying bitch.”

Hogbottom believes that more research is needed to find out the reasons why the robots are getting hacked so often. He’s determined to find answers. He says a spokesman at the Total Lifestyle Companions™ company has already said they are working on ensuring the next generation of products are not hackable, but he doesn’t think this is enough.

A fundraising page on C.R.A.P.’s website says he has already reached $50,000 toward a large-scale research study on hacking by ex-wives. Donations have come largely from men and their non-men allies who don’t want to see anyone else get hurt. Hogbottom is optimistic that answers will be forthcoming.

At the time of publication, there is one notable comment on the C.R.A.P website that stands out from the others. While most comments are supportive, there is one comment from a user named “organicbitch” that reads “You can start by changing your passwords, stupid.”


So who here is a Star Wars fan?

There’s so many things to love about Star Wars. It’s a classic tale of a plucky band of rebels who take down an evil empire, and it’s got a great soundtrack too. I think everyone gets something different out of these films. Some people probably just enjoy shooting and explosions, some people enjoy the spirituality, and as for me, I enjoy the politics. At its core, Star Wars is the tale of a small group of passionate activists who beat all odds to take down a huge empire that is way more powerful than they are. They put their lives in danger knowing it’s the right thing to do, and they win. According to Wikipedia, the politics in Star Wars makes a reference to World War II, where the rise of the Empire symbolizes the rise of the Nazis. I don’t think about Nazis while watching it though. Although that’s a relevant comparison, and there are details in the original film that allude to it, when I watch Star Wars I imagine that it symbolizes the fight against capitalism. Capitalism, after all, is planet Earth’s evil empire.

I found the prequels from 1999 to 2005 downright stupid, but the sequels that have come out in the last two years have been awesome. There are more roles for women and people of colour which has been really great to see. Both sequels have been very similar to the original film—once again the group of rebels has to destroy the empire, with many of the steps along the way occurring in the same way—but this hasn’t stopped me from adoring them. I could watch this story over and over forever.

I’m going to talk a little bit about this year’s film, The Last Jedi, and I’m warning you now that spoilers will follow!

It was amazing to watch a film with Carrie Fisher in it a whole year after she died. I was so touched to see her on the screen again.

There were a few new roles for women in this film. Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo takes over for Leia Organa when Leia is injured. At first I was glad to see female leadership replaced by female leadership, but it turns out this character was portrayed as incompetent, which was really disappointing. I would have been disappointed by any member of the resistance being incompetent, and I would be disappointed that anyone Leia chose to replace her would be incompetent, but it’s even worse that one of these new parts for women in Star Wars turns out to be an incompetent woman trope. Men like to believe that women shouldn’t be allowed to do important jobs because we’re incompetent, and Vice Admiral Holdo appeared to have no plan in mind for a large portion of the film. The male hero disobeys her to save them all, only his plan backfires when she turns out to have somewhat of a plan in mind and he ruins it by running off and being impulsive. This was the only thing that disappointed me about the film. I wish they would have made this character a more satisfying one.

One of the other new roles for female characters was totally awesome. The character Rose Tico had a large role as a maintenance worker/hero for the resistance and she was played by an Asian actress. During scenes where she was talking to Finn, there were no white characters on screen. This is a vast improvement from the original trilogy, where there was only one non-white person in the whole galaxy. I love that Tico was a smart, geeky hero who had an excellent technical knowledge and lots of courage to go with it.

Although there are clues that the Empire in Star Wars is a symbol of the Nazis, to me they’ve often represented capitalists. They are an empire that rules on power and control, on belief that they have the right to rule over others, and who basically want to be in control over everything. It’s very hard to oppose them and if you oppose them you’ll basically die. There is a comment in The Last Jedi about how the galactic economy is based on serving the Empire and the only way to get rich is to mine your planet and sell weapons to the Empire. Isn’t that exactly what’s happening on planet Earth? We are literally taking everything we can from our planet to sell to the Empire, to get our little bit of riches while they control everything. There is no opting out.

It’s Rose Tico who points out how evil it is to profit off of war. We keep learning more about how evil people become when they sell weapons to an evil empire—there is animal captivity and child labor going on in the city full of riches. The little boys who labor there are very much the proletariat of a morally corrupt society. They are shown locked inside of animal cubicles and sweeping straw from the floor, but when they get a chance, they tell stories of the Rebels who are working to stop the Empire. They are little politically-aware laborers who support the Rebellion and dream of joining it one day. To me, that was one of the most precious things about the film. The little boy who stops sweeping for a moment to look at his secret Rebel symbol resembled a communist to me. He knows the empire he labors for is evil and he wants to grow up to resist it.

Star Wars provides an interesting portrait of a resistance movement. In any resistance movement, you need a group of people with varied skills and lots of determination and teamwork. You need leaders, you need people with technical knowledge, you need fearless heroes to carry out difficult and dangerous tasks, you need people to do research behind the scenes and report to the group, etc. Of course, the resistance movement against capitalism isn’t exactly like the one in Star Wars, but the parallels were delightful. I love how the Star Wars resistance contains a contingent of fearless pilots, a contingent of war strategists, a contingent of people with technical skills, and the Jedi contingent, who provide the spirituality. I think the spirituality contingent is necessary too—they provide reminders of what exactly people are fighting and sacrificing their lives for.

It was delightful what Luke did at the end, when he sent a spiritual representation of himself to fight Kylo Ren. Through meditation he was able to summon the light side of the Force in order to counteract the Dark. I don’t believe that the two sides exist in the physical world, in the sense that they’d be capable of having a sword fight, but it’s a gorgeous metaphor about summoning love to fight evil. Yeah, I guess I like the spirituality of Star Wars as much as the politics.

It’s so satisfying to see the good guys win. They so rarely do, in real life.

I’ve always loved the original Star Wars film, and I just keep loving these new sequels even more.

A fun post on search terms

Just for fun, here is a little post on the search terms that people use to land on my blog.

WordPress allows me to download a database of all the search terms that caused searchers to land here. In 2017, the top 10 most common search terms were:

peak trans
purple sage feminist
danielle muscato
purple sage fem
mtf vagina
i want a vagina
mtf pussy
what is it like to have a vagina

I really enjoy being a destination for people who type “peak trans,” but I could really do without the constant porn searches and searches for MtF genitalia.

In porn-related searches, people often ask how girls get recruited for porn. That’s because of my posts on the documentary Hot Girls Wanted where I wrote about recruitment. There are also lots of searches for “lesbian” porn, searches for rape, (including searches for specific types of people being raped), and random strings of words for genitals. Some of these search terms for specific genitals are really gross and objectifying toward people who have medically transitioned. Many of the porn searches are horrifying, unprintable, and make me want to burn down the whole world. Porn searches are always full of misspelled words, which makes me wonder if people are typing with one hand. Either that, or people are just dumb. People are gross and dumb. Anyway, I’ve gotten bored of the porn searches, and I don’t wish to dwell on them. Here are some other interesting tidbits.

Interestingly, there are always people searching to find information about lesbians and periods, often wondering whether we even get them.

do lesbians got periods
does lesbians have a period
lesbians dont need periods
how to get periods for lesbian
lesbians talking about there periods
lesbian have periods like girls
what pills lesbians use in order to stop going for periods
do butch lesbians go on their periods
do gay girls have mensuration
if am a lesbian how do i stop menstruation
what stops menstruation permanent if u r lesbian

People have other curiosities about lesbians, like where we hang out and what our sex was like in specific decades:

do lesbians hang out in public restrooms?
how do lesbians grow beards
1960s beehive lesbians
1930s lesbiansex
lesb sex 1960

Some people search for guidance after reaching “peak trans”:

why the fuck do i have to play your pronoun game
danielle muscato is not a woman
genderbread nonsense
trans activists are erasing women
i am a terf

Some people search my name plus another search term, apparently wanting my opinion on something. (I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks!)

purplesage gender
purple sage clothing
cis privilege purple sage

Some people search for radical feminism (yeah!):

giving up porn radical feminism
woman identified woman
woman identified woman concept
woman-identified woman definition
sexualization of women capitalism
mra sad pathetic losers

Some people are just bizarre:

chew your clit off transgender
women peeing her pants legos
floating lesbians sex
male and female having lesbian sex
transvestite dog walking porn

This person probably isn’t seeing much “virgina” in real life:

visible and understandable image of a virgina

Gosh, these are fun. I’m particularly curious about “floating lesbians sex”. Does this person want to see lesbians having sex while floating? In air, or in water? Hmmm….

If I had to name the most interesting thing about my (non-porn-related) search terms though, it’s that lots of people seem to be unsure of whether lesbians have normal female bodies. Yes, we do! We have periods like other women. Aside from the fact that we are attracted to women, everything about us is typical.


An anthology of queer fairy tales

I came across an anthology of erotic lesbian fairy tales while looking up lesbian books online, and I had to buy it because that is right up my alley, plus I’m working on writing a lesbian fairy tale right now. It’s good to see what else is out there, right?The description of the book provided online goes like this:

In this sexy, erotic anthology of twisted fairy tales, the damsels are the ones doing the rescuing! Full of ancient, adapted tales that were changed to include female/female pairings and also some brand new stories of feminine heroics and sexual dominance, this collection of stories will leave readers under a spell of lesbian love!

If you’re a lesbian who’s ever searched for erotic lesbian writing, then you’re aware that it’s hard to find anything that’s actually good and that’s actually lesbian. It’s really hit-or-miss out there, since there are people writing “lesbian” books who aren’t lesbians, and since women who write erotica tend to be sex-pozzies, and sex-pozzies tend to present sexuality as something artificially performative and kinda weird.

I was willing to take a chance, because here’s my attitude toward erotic writing: if it’s good, it’s really good, and if it’s bad, it’s still weirdly entertaining. Well, this anthology turned out to be an eclectic collection of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were some stories I enjoyed, and there were some that left me baffled and shaking my head.
For entertainment purposes, I’m going to tell you about some of the mistakes I saw in some of the writing. Although, do keep in mind that there was something to like about each story, and some of them I enjoyed all the way through, even though I’m bringing up these criticisms here.

One mistake I saw a few times is that authors introduced their characters as disliking each other and then they suddenly wanted to have sex with each other for no apparent reason. I’m puzzled as to why an author would decide to make their characters hate each other first before having sex. I can understand that this provides a plot twist, but that only works in a longer piece like a novel where there is time for the characters to interact with each other long enough for them to change their opinions of each other. In a short story where everything moves quickly, it’s really unrealistic that someone hates someone on page 3 and then on page 4 she’s feeling aroused at her touch, with no actual character progression in between. If you’re writing a quick sex scene, with no character development beforehand, you should be establishing immediately that your characters actually like each other. I can’t say this about heterosexual couples or queer sex-pozzies, but lesbians only have sex with women we actually like.

The worst example of this was the story where a woman was riding along in a carriage, and she was attacked by a robber queen who killed everyone who was travelling with her, and then the robber queen’s daughter pulled her away for sex. In that situation, you would be really upset about the fact that you just got attacked and everyone you know murdered. You wouldn’t be at all interested in having sex with anyone in that situation, but certainly not someone related to the robber. It’s okay for fiction to be imaginative, but it shouldn’t be completely preposterous.

Oh, and that story gets so much weirder. The woman who gets robbed, she turns out to be part wolf, and her canines lengthen when she’s aroused. The robber’s daughter seems to be part wolf too, I think, because she’s also described as having sharp teeth. A red cloak is mentioned briefly in this story, so I think the author has made a weird version of Little Red Hiding Hood where the protagonist and her love interest both turn out to be the wolf? Anyway, I guess because she’s part beast, when she is riding away on a reindeer with her captor, she can’t help humping it as they ride. Maybe reindeer-humping is normal behavior for an imaginary half-woman, half-wolf creature, but it’s not related to actual human lesbians in any way and that’s not something I can get into.

You know, I always assume that the purpose of erotic writing is to arouse your reader. But some people seem to think that the purpose of erotic writing is to baffle the reader with the weirdness of your imagination. And call me old-fashioned, but I think the way you arouse your reader with a sex scene is by creating palpable chemistry and sexual tension between the characters so that the reader is emotionally invested in the consummation of their desire, and feeling desire along with the characters. The reader has to therefore identify with the characters and relate to what they’re feeling.
I did enjoy the stories where princesses or witches saw each other naked in beautiful forest pools and found each other arousing. It can be an imaginative situation, it just shouldn’t be completely bizarre.

Anyhoo, onto the next writing mistake I saw a couple times, which was abrupt and nonsensical changes in tone. All of these stories were meant to be fairy tales, and the almost universal thing about fairy tales is that they take place in the distant past. Now, sometimes people write modern fairy tales (and there was a very cool version of Rapunzel in this book that took place in a condo in San Francisco, and that was one of the good stories, thanks for that!) but if you are writing a fairy tale where you mention kingdoms, medieval armor, magic spells, living in forests, etc, then you are writing in the past, and you need to use old vocabulary. Or, at the very least, you need to avoid using words and phrases that are specific to the modern sleaze culture of the last four decades. If you are writing about old-fashioned situations and then all of a sudden you start throwing in words like “pussy,” “asscheek,” “panties,” and “clit,” then you are using incorrect vocabulary for the piece you’re writing. It’s jarring for the reader to think they’re reading about the year 1600 and then suddenly realize that no, it’s actually 2017. It also lowers your work to the level of amateur fan fiction when you make this sort of mistake.

I checked out who the writers of these stories were, and many of them were bloggers, and not all of them were lesbians. A small number of writers said they were lesbian. Some of them didn’t mention their sexual orientation at all in their bio. Some of them called themselves by unspecific labels that I inferred to mean bisexual. One of them was a man.

If I were editing an anthology of lesbian erotica, one of the very first things I would do is weed out any non-lesbian authors, and then after that I’d choose the best submissions from the lesbian authors. If men submitted stories to my anthology, I would either not answer their emails at all, or I’d tell them to fuck right off, depending on my mood that day.

I conclude that this is an anthology of writing with female-female pairings that may or may not relate to lesbians and that is intended for anyone with an interest in “queer” fairy tales. I have enjoyed reading it because I love this genre, but if you are a lesbian who isn’t particularly interested in fairy tales and just wants good erotica, then I don’t recommend it.

As a side note, if you are a lesbian looking for good erotic writing by a real lesbian, check out the novel Bishop’s Run by B.D. Gates, which has absolutely spectacular sex scenes.

I am happy to report that I am more resolved than ever to keep working on my own fiction. I have six chapters written so far of my novel—just give me about another year or so and I’ll try and get the thing published.


What I love about being a lesbian

Today I’ve had cramps and bloating and I discovered a really good remedy for period pain is watching awesome YouTube videos of lesbians being lesbians. It makes me smile and takes my mind off the discomfort.

Here’s another video by Mainely Butch:

I noticed that almost everything she says about why she likes being a lesbian is butch- related. For example, she enjoys shopping for clothes in the men’s section and she enjoys the way straight women smile at her and the way men look at her when they see a beautiful woman on her arm.

The reasons why I like being a lesbian are not the same as this because I’m not a butch. I’m going to write about why I like being a lesbian and my perspective is both femme and feminist. I’m not sure what order these items should be in. I’ll write them in the order that I think of them but that’s not necessarily order of importance—these points are all important.

I love having sex with a woman. I did try sex with men when I was younger and it was boring and didn’t work for me. When I’m with a woman, she has a body that I’m really into and I love touching her so much, I can sometimes orgasm just from touching her. And she can bring me to orgasm as many times as she wants. I love that sex with women can feel never-ending, because you can be intimate in subtle ways throughout the day, kissing and casually touching each other, and then you can give each other pleasure in an unlimited way whenever you want. It doesn’t feel to me like we ever stop being intimate. And I love that it’s unstructured—you aren’t limited to specific roles or scripts.

I love having a “husband” who’s female. My partner does all the things a husband would do for a wife, like driving the truck, fixing furniture and appliances, etc, except she’s female. I love that I can live with a woman who can do everything a man can, and I love that we don’t need a man in any way. I love that she takes so much care with the things she builds and repairs and does a way better job than men do.

I love that I can go through my whole life not using any birth control. I don’t have to worry about the hormonal effects of the pill, or getting an I.U.D inserted, or being scared of pregnancy. I’m glad nobody is injecting me with semen and my vagina stays in its natural state all the time. I’m glad that sex is divorced from reproduction for me, and it’s just for fun and I don’t have to have babies.

I’m glad that my home is permanent female-only space. I can go home every day knowing that there are no men in my home, and I can display radical feminist books on my shelves and I can hold radical feminist meetings in safety and speak my mind and never have to explain or justify my beliefs to a dude.

I’m glad that my partner doesn’t think that certain tasks are my job to do because I’m a wife. We each do half the chores and what we decide to do reflects our interests and abilities rather than what sex we are. And speaking of household chores, I’d be really resentful if I had to do free labor in the home for a man. I’m glad that the time and energy that I put in around the house benefits another woman, rather than a man.

I’m glad that my partner knows what menstruation is like, so when I’m feeling hormonal she doesn’t make fun of me and think I’m crazy, she does helpful things and is nice to me, because she knows she has felt the same way.

A few points of Mainely Butch’s that I agreed with: women smell better, lesbians are powerful, women are better at conversation, women have intense passionate relationships, and women are smart!

The last point MB made is that being a lesbian is so good because it means being who she is. That was a beautiful note to end on and I feel the same way. I’m so happy to be in a gay-friendly area and to be able to live my life how I want. It’s beautiful!


Illuminate your vulva!

Have you ever felt inadequate as a woman and thought that what you really need is to give your vulva a luminous glow? Me neither! But we’re in luck anyway, because the company “The Perfect V” has a product that not only makes your vulva “appear youthful and fresh” but also gives it “luminous iridescent color!” Thank goodness —I was worried I was going to be stuck with a matte, colorless vulva for the rest of my life.

The Perfect V has a complete line of unnecessary products to put on the marketable body parts between your legs—you know, those parts that start with the letter V (although We Do Not Speak Its Name) and that need to be “waxed, shaved, lasered, sugared, trimmed or dyed and sometimes even sunbathed” in order to be acceptable enough for your man to stick his dick into? They have several creams, an exfoliator, a mist, a serum and a luminizer. As their website states: “We manicure, we pedicure and now we Vanicure™. The day of neglect and lack of a proper line of pampering products for the V after a hair removal session are over.”

Thanks to capitalism, there is no part of a woman’s body that doesn’t require a line of expensive products in order to be acceptable. The Perfect V’s products will perform the following necessary functions for your crotch:

  • Enhances, Renews and Improves its beauty
  • delivers radiance
  • provides an anti-aging treatment
  • Softens, moisturizes and hydrates
  • Neutralizes odor
  • leaves a light fresh natural scent
  • improves the skin’s texture
  • adds some extra prettiness
  • prevents dark spots

And judging by the words “luminous,” “brightens,” and “radiant” that keep appearing over and over on their site, I’m guessing that these products can also make your parts glow with light! That could be handy, actually. No more stumbling around in the dark trying to find the toilet when you get up to pee…just open your legs and let your luminous vulva provide an instant night light! Now that’s a perk!

Can you imagine if someone marketed products like this to men? A cream to moisturize and hydrate the penis? A perfume spray to make the testicles smell like the light scent of flowers on a summer breeze? A luminizer to make his equipment look “youthful” and “fresh”? I think this would be so ridiculous people would just laugh at it, and it wouldn’t sell at all. It’s just as ridiculous marketed to women, but women will buy it anyway, because we’ve been trained to have certain beliefs about ourselves. Although men are considered people, whose bodies exist for them to live in, women’s bodies are just decorations and sex toys for men to play with. Women jump at the chance to be hairless, smooth, youthful and fair-skinned, since a multi-billion-dollar marketing industry ensures that we all believe our bodies are supposed to look that way, and every corner of our culture supports the idea that our worth lies in our appearance.

This is actually a good exercise to find out if you really need a product. Ask yourself the question, “Do men need this?” Unless it’s something specific to menstruation, this trick will work. You don’t need your skin to look moist, pretty, youthful, free of brown spots, or luminously iridescent, on any part of your body. If it would sound ridiculous marketed to men, then it’s probably ridiculous.

I feel the same way about makeup for the vulva as I feel about makeup for the face. Not only do I think it’s unnecessary, but I’m also confused as to how you can have sex with someone wearing it. I have never kissed a woman with lipstick on and I don’t think I ever could. Wouldn’t it get on me? Wouldn’t I eat some of it? Yuck, I don’t want to eat lipstick. And if a woman had luminizer cream or perfume spray on her vulva, would I have to…lick the cream off? Would my tongue then be luminous and iridescent and freshly scented? The whole thing just creeps me out.

As a lesbian, I think that vulvas already look sexy, just because they’re vulvas. They don’t have to look a specific way in order to be sexy. And I think their natural scent is already a lovely scent. There is no need to try to “improve” on a body part that is already fantastic and wonderful. Only in a capitalist patriarchy can this bullshit make any sense to people.


The lesbian creation myth

Intro: There was a small conversation between two commenters here saying that we need a lesbian creation myth. Miep said that sounded like something I would write, and I thought, ‘indeed it is’! What I came up with is a story of the creation of life on earth which culminates in the creation of lesbians. It loosely imitates the Biblical creation myth while turning all the male-centered ideas into female-centered ones. Every radical feminist blog needs some Earth-Mother-Goddess-Hippy stuff once in a while, right? I am an atheist, and I wrote this purely for entertainment. It should not be taken as my literal beliefs–it’s just to make you smile. I very much enjoyed writing this, and if anyone else has a lesbian creation myth waiting to be written, I’d love to read it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In the beginning, when Mother Earth created life, she first made tiny organisms that could withstand the harsh conditions of her newborn planet. Earth was cooling and creating solid surfaces of rock and water, and the Mother’s fertile spirit moved across the newly-formed land and oceans, leaving bacteria to flourish. She was pleased with her creation, since there was something living for the first time in the barren landscape. Then the Mother commanded, “Let there be photosynthesis,” and algae grew, and it began to use light from the sun to make food.  Once again the Mother was pleased with what she saw.

The Earth continued to change, and eventually there was an ample supply of free oxygen. Mother Earth saw that her planet was ready for more advanced life, so she commanded, “Let fish fill the sea, and plants grow on land.” An abundance of new life covered the Earth. The Mother saw how successful her small animals were, and she was encouraged. She knew she could do even better. She changed the conditions on her planet again, so her first creatures died out, and then she prepared the planet for the next era.

When her planet was ready, Mother Earth commanded, “Let there be giant animals to rule over the land” and many new species of birds, reptiles and mammals covered the Earth. They were greater and stronger than the animals she had made before, and she was pleased with her creation.  Mother Earth enjoyed her creation for a time, and continued to introduce new species whenever she was in the mood, and then one day she decided she wanted to make a more intelligent creature than ever before. It would have consciousness of its own life the way the Mother did, and it would have new abilities that other species didn’t have, like the use of advanced tools and language. She decided that the ape was a good prototype for her new primate, and she began to give some of them the new traits.

Her new species, which she called Woman, evolved quickly. She helped the species along a little but its genetic coding also helped it to evolve on its own. The species flourished and it grew in both number and power. It continued to improve until Mother Earth’s enemy, the Devil of Death and Destruction, noticed how well the creatures were doing, and decided to interfere. The Devil was a malicious and effective demon, who took it upon himself to destroy the lovely things that Mother Earth created. He attacked the male of the species, giving him a deeply-embedded desire to destroy everything Mother Earth held dear: her Women, her other animals, and her plant life.

Mother Nature did the best she could to stop the evil from spreading. She added extra compassion to some of her new creatures so they would have the desire to defend all life. She was pleased to see some of them make good progress against the Devil’s plan. But it wasn’t enough.

The Mother had created Woman in her own image, fertile and conscious animals who would create and protect life. But her creatures had to mate with the males of their species and some of the males had become quite evil, obviously causing distress to the women.  The Mother loved her women and wanted them to be happy, so she decided to give them a gift. She created a special kind of woman who would defy the Devil’s wickedness by not mating with his hateful brutes. Instead, they would mate with their own sex. This wouldn’t result in a baby of course, but it would result in extra protection for all of womankind, because of their love for the female of the species. Not only would they be immune to the Devil’s tricks, but they would protect other women from them too.

The genetic coding that turned some women toward their own sex also occurred in some of the males, and they too turned toward their own sex. The Mother considered this an acceptible by-product of her plan—after all, it wasn’t a whole lot of them, and it wasn’t stopping the rest of the species from procreating.

Once the woman-loving women were created, they began to defend all of womankind, as the Mother had planned. She was very pleased that her plan had worked, and finally took a day off to rest.

The evil encoding that the Devil of Death and Destruction created still exists in some of the male genes, but a league of exceptional women created in the Mother’s image are leading the battle against it, and expect to succeed before long.