A fun post on search terms

Just for fun, here is a little post on the search terms that people use to land on my blog.

WordPress allows me to download a database of all the search terms that caused searchers to land here. In 2017, the top 10 most common search terms were:

Purplesagefem
peak trans
purple sage feminist
danielle muscato
purple sage fem
yourporn
mtf vagina
i want a vagina
mtf pussy
what is it like to have a vagina

I really enjoy being a destination for people who type “peak trans,” but I could really do without the constant porn searches and searches for MtF genitalia.

In porn-related searches, people often ask how girls get recruited for porn. That’s because of my posts on the documentary Hot Girls Wanted where I wrote about recruitment. There are also lots of searches for “lesbian” porn, searches for rape, (including searches for specific types of people being raped), and random strings of words for genitals. Some of these search terms for specific genitals are really gross and objectifying toward people who have medically transitioned. Many of the porn searches are horrifying, unprintable, and make me want to burn down the whole world. Porn searches are always full of misspelled words, which makes me wonder if people are typing with one hand. Either that, or people are just dumb. People are gross and dumb. Anyway, I’ve gotten bored of the porn searches, and I don’t wish to dwell on them. Here are some other interesting tidbits.

Interestingly, there are always people searching to find information about lesbians and periods, often wondering whether we even get them.

do lesbians got periods
does lesbians have a period
lesbians dont need periods
how to get periods for lesbian
lesbians talking about there periods
lesbian have periods like girls
what pills lesbians use in order to stop going for periods
do butch lesbians go on their periods
do gay girls have mensuration
if am a lesbian how do i stop menstruation
what stops menstruation permanent if u r lesbian

People have other curiosities about lesbians, like where we hang out and what our sex was like in specific decades:

do lesbians hang out in public restrooms?
how do lesbians grow beards
1960s beehive lesbians
1930s lesbiansex
lesb sex 1960

Some people search for guidance after reaching “peak trans”:

why the fuck do i have to play your pronoun game
danielle muscato is not a woman
genderbread nonsense
trans activists are erasing women
i am a terf

Some people search my name plus another search term, apparently wanting my opinion on something. (I’ll take that as a compliment, thanks!)

purplesage gender
purple sage clothing
cis privilege purple sage

Some people search for radical feminism (yeah!):

giving up porn radical feminism
woman identified woman
woman identified woman concept
woman-identified woman definition
sexualization of women capitalism
mra sad pathetic losers

Some people are just bizarre:

chew your clit off transgender
women peeing her pants legos
floating lesbians sex
male and female having lesbian sex
transvestite dog walking porn

This person probably isn’t seeing much “virgina” in real life:

visible and understandable image of a virgina

Gosh, these are fun. I’m particularly curious about “floating lesbians sex”. Does this person want to see lesbians having sex while floating? In air, or in water? Hmmm….

If I had to name the most interesting thing about my (non-porn-related) search terms though, it’s that lots of people seem to be unsure of whether lesbians have normal female bodies. Yes, we do! We have periods like other women. Aside from the fact that we are attracted to women, everything about us is typical.

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An anthology of queer fairy tales

I came across an anthology of erotic lesbian fairy tales while looking up lesbian books online, and I had to buy it because that is right up my alley, plus I’m working on writing a lesbian fairy tale right now. It’s good to see what else is out there, right?The description of the book provided online goes like this:

In this sexy, erotic anthology of twisted fairy tales, the damsels are the ones doing the rescuing! Full of ancient, adapted tales that were changed to include female/female pairings and also some brand new stories of feminine heroics and sexual dominance, this collection of stories will leave readers under a spell of lesbian love!

If you’re a lesbian who’s ever searched for erotic lesbian writing, then you’re aware that it’s hard to find anything that’s actually good and that’s actually lesbian. It’s really hit-or-miss out there, since there are people writing “lesbian” books who aren’t lesbians, and since women who write erotica tend to be sex-pozzies, and sex-pozzies tend to present sexuality as something artificially performative and kinda weird.

I was willing to take a chance, because here’s my attitude toward erotic writing: if it’s good, it’s really good, and if it’s bad, it’s still weirdly entertaining. Well, this anthology turned out to be an eclectic collection of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were some stories I enjoyed, and there were some that left me baffled and shaking my head.
For entertainment purposes, I’m going to tell you about some of the mistakes I saw in some of the writing. Although, do keep in mind that there was something to like about each story, and some of them I enjoyed all the way through, even though I’m bringing up these criticisms here.

One mistake I saw a few times is that authors introduced their characters as disliking each other and then they suddenly wanted to have sex with each other for no apparent reason. I’m puzzled as to why an author would decide to make their characters hate each other first before having sex. I can understand that this provides a plot twist, but that only works in a longer piece like a novel where there is time for the characters to interact with each other long enough for them to change their opinions of each other. In a short story where everything moves quickly, it’s really unrealistic that someone hates someone on page 3 and then on page 4 she’s feeling aroused at her touch, with no actual character progression in between. If you’re writing a quick sex scene, with no character development beforehand, you should be establishing immediately that your characters actually like each other. I can’t say this about heterosexual couples or queer sex-pozzies, but lesbians only have sex with women we actually like.

The worst example of this was the story where a woman was riding along in a carriage, and she was attacked by a robber queen who killed everyone who was travelling with her, and then the robber queen’s daughter pulled her away for sex. In that situation, you would be really upset about the fact that you just got attacked and everyone you know murdered. You wouldn’t be at all interested in having sex with anyone in that situation, but certainly not someone related to the robber. It’s okay for fiction to be imaginative, but it shouldn’t be completely preposterous.

Oh, and that story gets so much weirder. The woman who gets robbed, she turns out to be part wolf, and her canines lengthen when she’s aroused. The robber’s daughter seems to be part wolf too, I think, because she’s also described as having sharp teeth. A red cloak is mentioned briefly in this story, so I think the author has made a weird version of Little Red Hiding Hood where the protagonist and her love interest both turn out to be the wolf? Anyway, I guess because she’s part beast, when she is riding away on a reindeer with her captor, she can’t help humping it as they ride. Maybe reindeer-humping is normal behavior for an imaginary half-woman, half-wolf creature, but it’s not related to actual human lesbians in any way and that’s not something I can get into.

You know, I always assume that the purpose of erotic writing is to arouse your reader. But some people seem to think that the purpose of erotic writing is to baffle the reader with the weirdness of your imagination. And call me old-fashioned, but I think the way you arouse your reader with a sex scene is by creating palpable chemistry and sexual tension between the characters so that the reader is emotionally invested in the consummation of their desire, and feeling desire along with the characters. The reader has to therefore identify with the characters and relate to what they’re feeling.
I did enjoy the stories where princesses or witches saw each other naked in beautiful forest pools and found each other arousing. It can be an imaginative situation, it just shouldn’t be completely bizarre.

Anyhoo, onto the next writing mistake I saw a couple times, which was abrupt and nonsensical changes in tone. All of these stories were meant to be fairy tales, and the almost universal thing about fairy tales is that they take place in the distant past. Now, sometimes people write modern fairy tales (and there was a very cool version of Rapunzel in this book that took place in a condo in San Francisco, and that was one of the good stories, thanks for that!) but if you are writing a fairy tale where you mention kingdoms, medieval armor, magic spells, living in forests, etc, then you are writing in the past, and you need to use old vocabulary. Or, at the very least, you need to avoid using words and phrases that are specific to the modern sleaze culture of the last four decades. If you are writing about old-fashioned situations and then all of a sudden you start throwing in words like “pussy,” “asscheek,” “panties,” and “clit,” then you are using incorrect vocabulary for the piece you’re writing. It’s jarring for the reader to think they’re reading about the year 1600 and then suddenly realize that no, it’s actually 2017. It also lowers your work to the level of amateur fan fiction when you make this sort of mistake.

I checked out who the writers of these stories were, and many of them were bloggers, and not all of them were lesbians. A small number of writers said they were lesbian. Some of them didn’t mention their sexual orientation at all in their bio. Some of them called themselves by unspecific labels that I inferred to mean bisexual. One of them was a man.

If I were editing an anthology of lesbian erotica, one of the very first things I would do is weed out any non-lesbian authors, and then after that I’d choose the best submissions from the lesbian authors. If men submitted stories to my anthology, I would either not answer their emails at all, or I’d tell them to fuck right off, depending on my mood that day.

I conclude that this is an anthology of writing with female-female pairings that may or may not relate to lesbians and that is intended for anyone with an interest in “queer” fairy tales. I have enjoyed reading it because I love this genre, but if you are a lesbian who isn’t particularly interested in fairy tales and just wants good erotica, then I don’t recommend it.

As a side note, if you are a lesbian looking for good erotic writing by a real lesbian, check out the novel Bishop’s Run by B.D. Gates, which has absolutely spectacular sex scenes.

I am happy to report that I am more resolved than ever to keep working on my own fiction. I have six chapters written so far of my novel—just give me about another year or so and I’ll try and get the thing published.

Fun with homophobic weirdos

Here’s one thing that’s political and doesn’t bum me out. Homophobic weirdos and their baffling and hilarious anti-gay brochures!

I hate-follow Autostraddle, and most of their articles either make me want to projectile vomit or roll my eyes right out of my head, but every once in a while they write something genuinely good. Here is an article about the homophobic brochures going around Australia right now. Whenever there is a vote or a change in law regarding same-sex marriage, all sorts of religious and right-wing buffoons create bizarre and laughable explanations and scare tactics designed to get people to oppose civil rights for gays and lesbians.

Oh man, they never fail to disappoint! Do click on the link to Autostraddle, but I’ll just post an image from their article here, because I just adore it.

See, because seat belts can’t be tied by putting the open ends together or the inserting ends together, that means that persons born with a homosexual orientation don’t deserve civil rights. Of course, they’re not talking about seat belts, they’re using a family-friendly euphemism for a penis entering a vagina. According to homophobic weirdos, there is nothing more important in the universe than penis-in-vagina sex that produces a baby. That’s what they live for and all they know. That’s not only the purpose, but the very definition of marriage. Just check out this other homophobic ad from the same Autostraddle article:

This writer explains marriage in the following way:

“When the wife’s egg is fertilized by the husband’s sperm in the marital act of love, a flash of light occurs and a baby is conceived. Nine months later, “their” baby is born….They have created a new life together. THIS IS MARRIAGE!”

So you see, folks…marriage is not the union of two people in love, and it’s not even the union of “one man and one woman,” as the homophobes define it. Marriage is the act of human procreation!

Of course, this means that even straight couples who don’t have children or who are infertile cannot possibly ever be married. Their marriages are not valid. The state should immediately revoke their marriage licenses, or the hounds of hell shall be released!

You know, every time I look at that seat belt graphic, I love it even more. The assertion that only one of these is a real seat belt is so precious! I’ve been trying to figure out how I can create an equally awesome graphic that responds adequately to the supreme level of awesomeness that this seat belt graphic achieves.

I pondered the meaning that this designer was trying to convey. Same-sex relationship are wrong, apparently, on the basis that our genitals don’t interlock while we’re having sex. Apparently that interlocking feature is the defining factor in what makes a relationship. What small, strange lives these people must have. And what terrible sex lives they must have! Even for straight people, the non-crazy ones anyway, sex is way more than just a mechanical motion of in-out, in-out. Most of the things that humans do during satisfying sex are common to all sexual orientations and body types: kissing, caressing, touching, cuddling, petting, and manual and oral stimulation are things we all do. But that one defining feature of heterosex is the only thing that counts for these homophobic weirdos.

Another, slightly more serious article from the Guardian also discusses the homophobic brochures going around Australia, and offers more quotes shedding more light on what exactly these folks are worried about. One fear is that if we allow same-sex couples to legally marry, then teachers will start teaching how to have gay sex in classrooms. Another fear is that homosexuality is a “curse of death” because it “terminates the family line.” (Again, what is this obsession with breeding? There are already 7.5 billion people on the planet, for gosh sake. If a small percentage of the population doesn’t reproduce, there will still be world overpopulation.) Another fear is that if we legalize same-sex marriage, that will directly lead to transsexuals raping women in washrooms.

Now, I do have to add a small disclaimer to that last point. It’s true that genderist ideology seeks to eliminate sex-segregated spaces which can lead to harassment of women in what were supposed to be our private spaces. I’m concerned about that too. I don’t think anyone is likely to actually rape a woman in a washroom—what is most likely to happen to women is verbal harassment, intimidation, and flashing by men who believe they are “women.” (Although you never know what men will do, some of them are pretty damn dangerous.) But legalization of same-sex marriage doesn’t desegregate washrooms and locker rooms. Same-sex marriage has absolutely nothing to do with genderist ideology, and the only reason these two things have become linked is because organizations that used to fight for gay rights have started promoting the gender identity movement. This shouldn’t be happening, and I’m frustrated that an ideology that harms lesbians is being associated with our fight for our own rights.

I always get the impression from the insane rantings of homophobic conservatives that they think heterosexuality is so fragile that if you merely suggest that homosexuality exists, all previously heterosexual people will suddenly lose interest in the opposite sex and will forevermore engage in no other activity than homosexual fornication. Also, judging by the symbolism used in their graphics where women are coloured pink and men are coloured blue, I get the impression that they fear humans won’t be able to figure out how to breed if we get rid of old-fashioned gender roles.

To get all radfem about it, those who are invested in preserving patriarchy know that you have to rigidly enforce heterosexuality, PIV sex, old-fashioned gender roles, and frequent reproduction, to keep patriarchy going. They think that without all these institutions in place, civilization would collapse, which reveals that they define “civilization” as capitalist patriarchy. Those of us who have a vision of a better, more egalitarian and sustainable civilization than capitalist patriarchy are very scary to them.

So, just for fun, I’ve created some silly graphics to respond to the awesome seat belt graphic above. Inspiration for creative work comes from unexpected places!

Here are my Awesome Graphics on the topic of which relationships are “real” relationships because the people “fit” together. Obviously I am going to use Comic Sans and liberal use of unnecessary all caps and random quotation marks, just to follow the conventions of the genre of crazy people’s crazy graphics. I also tried to capture the baffling incoherence that this genre generously offers. I hope you will like my submissions:

#logic

What I love about being a lesbian

Today I’ve had cramps and bloating and I discovered a really good remedy for period pain is watching awesome YouTube videos of lesbians being lesbians. It makes me smile and takes my mind off the discomfort.

Here’s another video by Mainely Butch:

I noticed that almost everything she says about why she likes being a lesbian is butch- related. For example, she enjoys shopping for clothes in the men’s section and she enjoys the way straight women smile at her and the way men look at her when they see a beautiful woman on her arm.

The reasons why I like being a lesbian are not the same as this because I’m not a butch. I’m going to write about why I like being a lesbian and my perspective is both femme and feminist. I’m not sure what order these items should be in. I’ll write them in the order that I think of them but that’s not necessarily order of importance—these points are all important.

I love having sex with a woman. I did try sex with men when I was younger and it was boring and didn’t work for me. When I’m with a woman, she has a body that I’m really into and I love touching her so much, I can sometimes orgasm just from touching her. And she can bring me to orgasm as many times as she wants. I love that sex with women can feel never-ending, because you can be intimate in subtle ways throughout the day, kissing and casually touching each other, and then you can give each other pleasure in an unlimited way whenever you want. It doesn’t feel to me like we ever stop being intimate. And I love that it’s unstructured—you aren’t limited to specific roles or scripts.

I love having a “husband” who’s female. My partner does all the things a husband would do for a wife, like driving the truck, fixing furniture and appliances, etc, except she’s female. I love that I can live with a woman who can do everything a man can, and I love that we don’t need a man in any way. I love that she takes so much care with the things she builds and repairs and does a way better job than men do.

I love that I can go through my whole life not using any birth control. I don’t have to worry about the hormonal effects of the pill, or getting an I.U.D inserted, or being scared of pregnancy. I’m glad nobody is injecting me with semen and my vagina stays in its natural state all the time. I’m glad that sex is divorced from reproduction for me, and it’s just for fun and I don’t have to have babies.

I’m glad that my home is permanent female-only space. I can go home every day knowing that there are no men in my home, and I can display radical feminist books on my shelves and I can hold radical feminist meetings in safety and speak my mind and never have to explain or justify my beliefs to a dude.

I’m glad that my partner doesn’t think that certain tasks are my job to do because I’m a wife. We each do half the chores and what we decide to do reflects our interests and abilities rather than what sex we are. And speaking of household chores, I’d be really resentful if I had to do free labor in the home for a man. I’m glad that the time and energy that I put in around the house benefits another woman, rather than a man.

I’m glad that my partner knows what menstruation is like, so when I’m feeling hormonal she doesn’t make fun of me and think I’m crazy, she does helpful things and is nice to me, because she knows she has felt the same way.

A few points of Mainely Butch’s that I agreed with: women smell better, lesbians are powerful, women are better at conversation, women have intense passionate relationships, and women are smart!

The last point MB made is that being a lesbian is so good because it means being who she is. That was a beautiful note to end on and I feel the same way. I’m so happy to be in a gay-friendly area and to be able to live my life how I want. It’s beautiful!

Illuminate your vulva!

Have you ever felt inadequate as a woman and thought that what you really need is to give your vulva a luminous glow? Me neither! But we’re in luck anyway, because the company “The Perfect V” has a product that not only makes your vulva “appear youthful and fresh” but also gives it “luminous iridescent color!” Thank goodness —I was worried I was going to be stuck with a matte, colorless vulva for the rest of my life.

The Perfect V has a complete line of unnecessary products to put on the marketable body parts between your legs—you know, those parts that start with the letter V (although We Do Not Speak Its Name) and that need to be “waxed, shaved, lasered, sugared, trimmed or dyed and sometimes even sunbathed” in order to be acceptable enough for your man to stick his dick into? They have several creams, an exfoliator, a mist, a serum and a luminizer. As their website states: “We manicure, we pedicure and now we Vanicure™. The day of neglect and lack of a proper line of pampering products for the V after a hair removal session are over.”

Thanks to capitalism, there is no part of a woman’s body that doesn’t require a line of expensive products in order to be acceptable. The Perfect V’s products will perform the following necessary functions for your crotch:

  • Enhances, Renews and Improves its beauty
  • delivers radiance
  • provides an anti-aging treatment
  • Softens, moisturizes and hydrates
  • Neutralizes odor
  • leaves a light fresh natural scent
  • improves the skin’s texture
  • adds some extra prettiness
  • prevents dark spots

And judging by the words “luminous,” “brightens,” and “radiant” that keep appearing over and over on their site, I’m guessing that these products can also make your parts glow with light! That could be handy, actually. No more stumbling around in the dark trying to find the toilet when you get up to pee…just open your legs and let your luminous vulva provide an instant night light! Now that’s a perk!

Can you imagine if someone marketed products like this to men? A cream to moisturize and hydrate the penis? A perfume spray to make the testicles smell like the light scent of flowers on a summer breeze? A luminizer to make his equipment look “youthful” and “fresh”? I think this would be so ridiculous people would just laugh at it, and it wouldn’t sell at all. It’s just as ridiculous marketed to women, but women will buy it anyway, because we’ve been trained to have certain beliefs about ourselves. Although men are considered people, whose bodies exist for them to live in, women’s bodies are just decorations and sex toys for men to play with. Women jump at the chance to be hairless, smooth, youthful and fair-skinned, since a multi-billion-dollar marketing industry ensures that we all believe our bodies are supposed to look that way, and every corner of our culture supports the idea that our worth lies in our appearance.

This is actually a good exercise to find out if you really need a product. Ask yourself the question, “Do men need this?” Unless it’s something specific to menstruation, this trick will work. You don’t need your skin to look moist, pretty, youthful, free of brown spots, or luminously iridescent, on any part of your body. If it would sound ridiculous marketed to men, then it’s probably ridiculous.

I feel the same way about makeup for the vulva as I feel about makeup for the face. Not only do I think it’s unnecessary, but I’m also confused as to how you can have sex with someone wearing it. I have never kissed a woman with lipstick on and I don’t think I ever could. Wouldn’t it get on me? Wouldn’t I eat some of it? Yuck, I don’t want to eat lipstick. And if a woman had luminizer cream or perfume spray on her vulva, would I have to…lick the cream off? Would my tongue then be luminous and iridescent and freshly scented? The whole thing just creeps me out.

As a lesbian, I think that vulvas already look sexy, just because they’re vulvas. They don’t have to look a specific way in order to be sexy. And I think their natural scent is already a lovely scent. There is no need to try to “improve” on a body part that is already fantastic and wonderful. Only in a capitalist patriarchy can this bullshit make any sense to people.

The lesbian creation myth

Intro: There was a small conversation between two commenters here saying that we need a lesbian creation myth. Miep said that sounded like something I would write, and I thought, ‘indeed it is’! What I came up with is a story of the creation of life on earth which culminates in the creation of lesbians. It loosely imitates the Biblical creation myth while turning all the male-centered ideas into female-centered ones. Every radical feminist blog needs some Earth-Mother-Goddess-Hippy stuff once in a while, right? I am an atheist, and I wrote this purely for entertainment. It should not be taken as my literal beliefs–it’s just to make you smile. I very much enjoyed writing this, and if anyone else has a lesbian creation myth waiting to be written, I’d love to read it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In the beginning, when Mother Earth created life, she first made tiny organisms that could withstand the harsh conditions of her newborn planet. Earth was cooling and creating solid surfaces of rock and water, and the Mother’s fertile spirit moved across the newly-formed land and oceans, leaving bacteria to flourish. She was pleased with her creation, since there was something living for the first time in the barren landscape. Then the Mother commanded, “Let there be photosynthesis,” and algae grew, and it began to use light from the sun to make food.  Once again the Mother was pleased with what she saw.

The Earth continued to change, and eventually there was an ample supply of free oxygen. Mother Earth saw that her planet was ready for more advanced life, so she commanded, “Let fish fill the sea, and plants grow on land.” An abundance of new life covered the Earth. The Mother saw how successful her small animals were, and she was encouraged. She knew she could do even better. She changed the conditions on her planet again, so her first creatures died out, and then she prepared the planet for the next era.

When her planet was ready, Mother Earth commanded, “Let there be giant animals to rule over the land” and many new species of birds, reptiles and mammals covered the Earth. They were greater and stronger than the animals she had made before, and she was pleased with her creation.  Mother Earth enjoyed her creation for a time, and continued to introduce new species whenever she was in the mood, and then one day she decided she wanted to make a more intelligent creature than ever before. It would have consciousness of its own life the way the Mother did, and it would have new abilities that other species didn’t have, like the use of advanced tools and language. She decided that the ape was a good prototype for her new primate, and she began to give some of them the new traits.

Her new species, which she called Woman, evolved quickly. She helped the species along a little but its genetic coding also helped it to evolve on its own. The species flourished and it grew in both number and power. It continued to improve until Mother Earth’s enemy, the Devil of Death and Destruction, noticed how well the creatures were doing, and decided to interfere. The Devil was a malicious and effective demon, who took it upon himself to destroy the lovely things that Mother Earth created. He attacked the male of the species, giving him a deeply-embedded desire to destroy everything Mother Earth held dear: her Women, her other animals, and her plant life.

Mother Nature did the best she could to stop the evil from spreading. She added extra compassion to some of her new creatures so they would have the desire to defend all life. She was pleased to see some of them make good progress against the Devil’s plan. But it wasn’t enough.

The Mother had created Woman in her own image, fertile and conscious animals who would create and protect life. But her creatures had to mate with the males of their species and some of the males had become quite evil, obviously causing distress to the women.  The Mother loved her women and wanted them to be happy, so she decided to give them a gift. She created a special kind of woman who would defy the Devil’s wickedness by not mating with his hateful brutes. Instead, they would mate with their own sex. This wouldn’t result in a baby of course, but it would result in extra protection for all of womankind, because of their love for the female of the species. Not only would they be immune to the Devil’s tricks, but they would protect other women from them too.

The genetic coding that turned some women toward their own sex also occurred in some of the males, and they too turned toward their own sex. The Mother considered this an acceptible by-product of her plan—after all, it wasn’t a whole lot of them, and it wasn’t stopping the rest of the species from procreating.

Once the woman-loving women were created, they began to defend all of womankind, as the Mother had planned. She was very pleased that her plan had worked, and finally took a day off to rest.

The evil encoding that the Devil of Death and Destruction created still exists in some of the male genes, but a league of exceptional women created in the Mother’s image are leading the battle against it, and expect to succeed before long.