Studies show sex robots increasingly unsafe

The following “fake news” article was inspired by this real article and was written for your entertainment.

July 18, 2068

By: Nathan Green

WASHINGTON – Growing numbers of men are concerned that their Total Lifestyle Companions™ (TLCs™) may be unsafe after numerous reports of hacking, often by ex-wives. The hacked TLCs™ have been reported to turn against their owners by making disparaging remarks, destroying items in the home, and even committing acts of violence. In response to this growing issue, TLC™ owner Hugh Hogbottom has founded a non-profit organization called Consumers of Robots Advocacy Protection or “C.R.A.P.” which, according to its website, exists to “Protect the interests of owners of all personal robotic devices” by “researching, lobbying and making safety issues known to the public.”

I was able to speak to Hogbottom in his home in Northwest Washington. On the day of my visit, his TLC™, named Bobbi, was properly behaved. She welcomed me into the home and served coffee for us as we sat in the living room to chat. The house looked tidy and cared for, and Hogbottom told me it had been over a week since the last incident.

“She behaves most of the time, but there have been a few incidents,” he said. “I’m constantly on edge because I don’t know what might happen next.”

Photo credit:

He shows me the one piece of evidence he has of Bobbi’s misbehaviour, although, as he explains, most of the incidents haven’t been recorded. The piece of evidence is a slip of paper that was supposed to have been a shopping list.

“I told Bobbi to write some things down that I needed,” he said. “I dictated some items to her, but when I looked at what she had written, instead of seeing my list, it said: ‘Every man, deep down, knows he’s a worthless piece of shit.’ I was shocked. At first I didn’t understand what had happened.”

At six-foot-three, with an athletic build, Hogbottom appears to be a pillar of strength, but when he speaks of his betrayal by Bobbi I see the weariness and pain in his eyes.

As well as the shopping list incident, there have been many incidents of Bobbi making shocking remarks to him, sometimes in front of friends. On one occasion, Hogbottom says he was telling his friends about the time when he gave his ex a triple-orgasm, and Bobbi suddenly shouted “You lying bastard, you were absolutely pathetic in bed!” Hogbottom says he was shocked and humiliated.

“I began to suspect my ex-wife had hacked into Bobbi. I did marry an ‘organic’ woman before getting my TLC™, and I think she may be jealous. I left her five years ago because I wasn’t getting what I wanted out of the relationship, and I think she’s upset because she realizes the TLC™ is a more satisfactory partner than her. I ended up going online and finding lots of stories of the same thing happening to other men. I realized we needed to raise some awareness and protect ourselves.”

Indeed, men have been increasingly making these reports. According to research carried out by the C.R.A.P. foundation, 32% of men report that their former organic wives have at some point hacked into their personal robotic devices for malicious reasons. Of that group, 65% report that their robot has said something negative toward them, 86% say their robot has deliberately destroyed their home or possessions, and 7% say their robot has attempted to harm them during sex, by either strangulation or by cuts or burns to the penis. One man, Peter Clutterbuck, experienced the worst nightmare of men who use personal robotic devices: his robot, Tootsie, released a sharp blade through her front-hole during use, severing his penis. He says her front hole, which was usually a great device, had suddenly become “like a guillotine.” Clutterbuck joined the C.R.A.P foundation from his hospital bed, and vowed to “make sex robots safe again” so that nothing like this would happen to another man.

“It’s rough out there,” says Hugh Hogbottom, as he nervously sips his coffee. “Things are getting worse for men every day.”

So why do women do it? Hogbottom blames jealousy.

“Organic women know they can’t measure up to the appeal of robotic companions. My Total Lifestyle Companion™ is beautiful, doesn’t age, doesn’t nag me, keeps my house clean and always wants sex. My ex-wife couldn’t compete with that, and she knows it. That’s why she wants to hack the robot, to get even. I suspect this is the case in most hackings. What organic women need to realize is that 64% of men are now choosing robot partners over “organic” ones, because they are getting a better deal. This is progress, it’s the way of the future. If organic women want to compete, they’ll have to step up their game.”

I was able to track down Hogbottom’s ex-wife, Susan Solanas, to ask her for a statement. Although she did not reply to my request for an interview, I did find her personal blog where I was able to access the following comments:

“I can’t believe the things my stupid ex has been saying. We got a divorce because I found out he’d been cheating on me with several women. I asked him to go to marriage counselling and he refused, so I left him. Now he’s claiming that he left me because I wasn’t as good as his stupid sex robot. I was just going to ignore him at first, but he was writing social media posts full of lies on pages where I’d obviously find them, and it was getting so obnoxious I finally had to take him down a notch. I’m a computer programmer working in the area of control of AI, and the stupid knucklehead hasn’t changed any of his passwords since we were married, so I was able to get into his robot as easily as walking through an open door. I’ve been making the thing tell the truth whenever Hugh lies, which has been irritating the hell out of him.”

When I asked Hogbottom to comment on the content’s of Solanas’s blog, he called her a “jealous, lying bitch.”

Hogbottom believes that more research is needed to find out the reasons why the robots are getting hacked so often. He’s determined to find answers. He says a spokesman at the Total Lifestyle Companions™ company has already said they are working on ensuring the next generation of products are not hackable, but he doesn’t think this is enough.

A fundraising page on C.R.A.P.’s website says he has already reached $50,000 toward a large-scale research study on hacking by ex-wives. Donations have come largely from men and their non-men allies who don’t want to see anyone else get hurt. Hogbottom is optimistic that answers will be forthcoming.

At the time of publication, there is one notable comment on the C.R.A.P website that stands out from the others. While most comments are supportive, there is one comment from a user named “organicbitch” that reads “You can start by changing your passwords, stupid.”

What I love about being a lesbian

Today I’ve had cramps and bloating and I discovered a really good remedy for period pain is watching awesome YouTube videos of lesbians being lesbians. It makes me smile and takes my mind off the discomfort.

Here’s another video by Mainely Butch:

I noticed that almost everything she says about why she likes being a lesbian is butch- related. For example, she enjoys shopping for clothes in the men’s section and she enjoys the way straight women smile at her and the way men look at her when they see a beautiful woman on her arm.

The reasons why I like being a lesbian are not the same as this because I’m not a butch. I’m going to write about why I like being a lesbian and my perspective is both femme and feminist. I’m not sure what order these items should be in. I’ll write them in the order that I think of them but that’s not necessarily order of importance—these points are all important.

I love having sex with a woman. I did try sex with men when I was younger and it was boring and didn’t work for me. When I’m with a woman, she has a body that I’m really into and I love touching her so much, I can sometimes orgasm just from touching her. And she can bring me to orgasm as many times as she wants. I love that sex with women can feel never-ending, because you can be intimate in subtle ways throughout the day, kissing and casually touching each other, and then you can give each other pleasure in an unlimited way whenever you want. It doesn’t feel to me like we ever stop being intimate. And I love that it’s unstructured—you aren’t limited to specific roles or scripts.

I love having a “husband” who’s female. My partner does all the things a husband would do for a wife, like driving the truck, fixing furniture and appliances, etc, except she’s female. I love that I can live with a woman who can do everything a man can, and I love that we don’t need a man in any way. I love that she takes so much care with the things she builds and repairs and does a way better job than men do.

I love that I can go through my whole life not using any birth control. I don’t have to worry about the hormonal effects of the pill, or getting an I.U.D inserted, or being scared of pregnancy. I’m glad nobody is injecting me with semen and my vagina stays in its natural state all the time. I’m glad that sex is divorced from reproduction for me, and it’s just for fun and I don’t have to have babies.

I’m glad that my home is permanent female-only space. I can go home every day knowing that there are no men in my home, and I can display radical feminist books on my shelves and I can hold radical feminist meetings in safety and speak my mind and never have to explain or justify my beliefs to a dude.

I’m glad that my partner doesn’t think that certain tasks are my job to do because I’m a wife. We each do half the chores and what we decide to do reflects our interests and abilities rather than what sex we are. And speaking of household chores, I’d be really resentful if I had to do free labor in the home for a man. I’m glad that the time and energy that I put in around the house benefits another woman, rather than a man.

I’m glad that my partner knows what menstruation is like, so when I’m feeling hormonal she doesn’t make fun of me and think I’m crazy, she does helpful things and is nice to me, because she knows she has felt the same way.

A few points of Mainely Butch’s that I agreed with: women smell better, lesbians are powerful, women are better at conversation, women have intense passionate relationships, and women are smart!

The last point MB made is that being a lesbian is so good because it means being who she is. That was a beautiful note to end on and I feel the same way. I’m so happy to be in a gay-friendly area and to be able to live my life how I want. It’s beautiful!

Illuminate your vulva!

Have you ever felt inadequate as a woman and thought that what you really need is to give your vulva a luminous glow? Me neither! But we’re in luck anyway, because the company “The Perfect V” has a product that not only makes your vulva “appear youthful and fresh” but also gives it “luminous iridescent color!” Thank goodness —I was worried I was going to be stuck with a matte, colorless vulva for the rest of my life.

The Perfect V has a complete line of unnecessary products to put on the marketable body parts between your legs—you know, those parts that start with the letter V (although We Do Not Speak Its Name) and that need to be “waxed, shaved, lasered, sugared, trimmed or dyed and sometimes even sunbathed” in order to be acceptable enough for your man to stick his dick into? They have several creams, an exfoliator, a mist, a serum and a luminizer. As their website states: “We manicure, we pedicure and now we Vanicure™. The day of neglect and lack of a proper line of pampering products for the V after a hair removal session are over.”

Thanks to capitalism, there is no part of a woman’s body that doesn’t require a line of expensive products in order to be acceptable. The Perfect V’s products will perform the following necessary functions for your crotch:

  • Enhances, Renews and Improves its beauty
  • delivers radiance
  • provides an anti-aging treatment
  • Softens, moisturizes and hydrates
  • Neutralizes odor
  • leaves a light fresh natural scent
  • improves the skin’s texture
  • adds some extra prettiness
  • prevents dark spots

And judging by the words “luminous,” “brightens,” and “radiant” that keep appearing over and over on their site, I’m guessing that these products can also make your parts glow with light! That could be handy, actually. No more stumbling around in the dark trying to find the toilet when you get up to pee…just open your legs and let your luminous vulva provide an instant night light! Now that’s a perk!

Can you imagine if someone marketed products like this to men? A cream to moisturize and hydrate the penis? A perfume spray to make the testicles smell like the light scent of flowers on a summer breeze? A luminizer to make his equipment look “youthful” and “fresh”? I think this would be so ridiculous people would just laugh at it, and it wouldn’t sell at all. It’s just as ridiculous marketed to women, but women will buy it anyway, because we’ve been trained to have certain beliefs about ourselves. Although men are considered people, whose bodies exist for them to live in, women’s bodies are just decorations and sex toys for men to play with. Women jump at the chance to be hairless, smooth, youthful and fair-skinned, since a multi-billion-dollar marketing industry ensures that we all believe our bodies are supposed to look that way, and every corner of our culture supports the idea that our worth lies in our appearance.

This is actually a good exercise to find out if you really need a product. Ask yourself the question, “Do men need this?” Unless it’s something specific to menstruation, this trick will work. You don’t need your skin to look moist, pretty, youthful, free of brown spots, or luminously iridescent, on any part of your body. If it would sound ridiculous marketed to men, then it’s probably ridiculous.

I feel the same way about makeup for the vulva as I feel about makeup for the face. Not only do I think it’s unnecessary, but I’m also confused as to how you can have sex with someone wearing it. I have never kissed a woman with lipstick on and I don’t think I ever could. Wouldn’t it get on me? Wouldn’t I eat some of it? Yuck, I don’t want to eat lipstick. And if a woman had luminizer cream or perfume spray on her vulva, would I have to…lick the cream off? Would my tongue then be luminous and iridescent and freshly scented? The whole thing just creeps me out.

As a lesbian, I think that vulvas already look sexy, just because they’re vulvas. They don’t have to look a specific way in order to be sexy. And I think their natural scent is already a lovely scent. There is no need to try to “improve” on a body part that is already fantastic and wonderful. Only in a capitalist patriarchy can this bullshit make any sense to people.

The lesbian creation myth

Intro: There was a small conversation between two commenters here saying that we need a lesbian creation myth. Miep said that sounded like something I would write, and I thought, ‘indeed it is’! What I came up with is a story of the creation of life on earth which culminates in the creation of lesbians. It loosely imitates the Biblical creation myth while turning all the male-centered ideas into female-centered ones. Every radical feminist blog needs some Earth-Mother-Goddess-Hippy stuff once in a while, right? I am an atheist, and I wrote this purely for entertainment. It should not be taken as my literal beliefs–it’s just to make you smile. I very much enjoyed writing this, and if anyone else has a lesbian creation myth waiting to be written, I’d love to read it!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

In the beginning, when Mother Earth created life, she first made tiny organisms that could withstand the harsh conditions of her newborn planet. Earth was cooling and creating solid surfaces of rock and water, and the Mother’s fertile spirit moved across the newly-formed land and oceans, leaving bacteria to flourish. She was pleased with her creation, since there was something living for the first time in the barren landscape. Then the Mother commanded, “Let there be photosynthesis,” and algae grew, and it began to use light from the sun to make food.  Once again the Mother was pleased with what she saw.

The Earth continued to change, and eventually there was an ample supply of free oxygen. Mother Earth saw that her planet was ready for more advanced life, so she commanded, “Let fish fill the sea, and plants grow on land.” An abundance of new life covered the Earth. The Mother saw how successful her small animals were, and she was encouraged. She knew she could do even better. She changed the conditions on her planet again, so her first creatures died out, and then she prepared the planet for the next era.

When her planet was ready, Mother Earth commanded, “Let there be giant animals to rule over the land” and many new species of birds, reptiles and mammals covered the Earth. They were greater and stronger than the animals she had made before, and she was pleased with her creation.  Mother Earth enjoyed her creation for a time, and continued to introduce new species whenever she was in the mood, and then one day she decided she wanted to make a more intelligent creature than ever before. It would have consciousness of its own life the way the Mother did, and it would have new abilities that other species didn’t have, like the use of advanced tools and language. She decided that the ape was a good prototype for her new primate, and she began to give some of them the new traits.

Her new species, which she called Woman, evolved quickly. She helped the species along a little but its genetic coding also helped it to evolve on its own. The species flourished and it grew in both number and power. It continued to improve until Mother Earth’s enemy, the Devil of Death and Destruction, noticed how well the creatures were doing, and decided to interfere. The Devil was a malicious and effective demon, who took it upon himself to destroy the lovely things that Mother Earth created. He attacked the male of the species, giving him a deeply-embedded desire to destroy everything Mother Earth held dear: her Women, her other animals, and her plant life.

Mother Nature did the best she could to stop the evil from spreading. She added extra compassion to some of her new creatures so they would have the desire to defend all life. She was pleased to see some of them make good progress against the Devil’s plan. But it wasn’t enough.

The Mother had created Woman in her own image, fertile and conscious animals who would create and protect life. But her creatures had to mate with the males of their species and some of the males had become quite evil, obviously causing distress to the women.  The Mother loved her women and wanted them to be happy, so she decided to give them a gift. She created a special kind of woman who would defy the Devil’s wickedness by not mating with his hateful brutes. Instead, they would mate with their own sex. This wouldn’t result in a baby of course, but it would result in extra protection for all of womankind, because of their love for the female of the species. Not only would they be immune to the Devil’s tricks, but they would protect other women from them too.

The genetic coding that turned some women toward their own sex also occurred in some of the males, and they too turned toward their own sex. The Mother considered this an acceptible by-product of her plan—after all, it wasn’t a whole lot of them, and it wasn’t stopping the rest of the species from procreating.

Once the woman-loving women were created, they began to defend all of womankind, as the Mother had planned. She was very pleased that her plan had worked, and finally took a day off to rest.

The evil encoding that the Devil of Death and Destruction created still exists in some of the male genes, but a league of exceptional women created in the Mother’s image are leading the battle against it, and expect to succeed before long.

The Genderbread Person, radical feminist edition

We’ve all seen that horrid Genderbread person that attempts to teach nonsensical gender theory using primary school pedagogy style graphics. Well, here is a “corrected” version of that graphic, radical feminist edition. You have my permission to download, repost, and share. When someone posts the genderbread person in a social media argument, feel free to use this as an answer! Have fun!

The PDF version for download.

To wear a bra or to burn a bra, that is the question

Second-wave feminists are often reported to have burned their bras in protest of restrictive beauty standards for women, but this is a myth. Feminists did throw items into a trash can at the 1968 Miss America Pageant, but they didn’t burn any. As explained by

“The Miss America Protest apparently gave birth to one of the greatest myths of the women’s rights movement: the myth of bra burning.

The protesters at the Miss America Pageant threw items of their oppression into a “freedom trash can.” Among these items of oppression were girdles, high-heeled shoes, some bras, copies of Playboy magazine, and hair curlers. The women never lit these items on fire; throwing them out was the symbolism of the day. It has been reported that the women attempted to get a permit to burn the items but were denied because of the danger fire would pose to the wooden Atlantic City Boardwalk.

The intent to set them on fire may have been what sparked the rumor that bras actually were burned. There is no documented instance where 1960s feminists burned their bras, although the legend persists.”

I have not been much of a bra-hater during most of my life, although recently it has been feeling increasingly oppressive to have to have metal underwires under my boobs all day. I have become one of those people who takes off her bra the second she gets home from work, tosses it ceremoniously away, rubs out the sore parts where the wires were, and refuses to put a bra back on for the rest of the evening. How wonderful it is to be bra-free, and let the girls relax in a comfortable cotton T-shirt!

And so I have come to hate bras. For a year now I have been going braless as often as possible. At first I stopped putting on a bra when friends came over. I only have female friends over, so who cares if they see me without a bra on? Plus, some of my female friends don’t wear bras either. Hanging out braless with other braless women is fantastic. We actually get to relax and just be female humans in our natural state, and see each other the way we would look if we weren’t trying to meet standards of perkiness. Why do breasts have to be lifted up in public anyway? Why can’t we just wear them down?

Anyway, then I started leaving the house without a bra. This was scary at first. I started taking the garbage out without a bra, but with a sweatshirt on of course. Then I started going to the corner store without a bra, then to the grocery store. After a while it got less scary. I got used to seeing my breasts hang the way breasts do, and I stopped caring about it. I still always wear two layers of clothing. I don’t go braless in the summer.

I feel so free! My breasts have been liberated from oppression! Well, partially, anyway.

I still think I have to wear a proper bra to work. It looks too weird to have a women’s blouse on with sagging breasts. Even my feminist zeal is not quite bra-phobic enough to rebel against that particular fashion rule. Once in a while, when I have a vest on over my blouse, I can wear a sports bra, which is pretty comfortable, but with just a blouse I wear an underwire bra, to get exactly the right breast shape.

Underwire bras are supposed to be washed by hand and discarded after about a year. They don’t last long because they lose their shape, especially, if like most normal people, you say “fuck it” to the washing instructions and throw them in the machine. Who the fuck has time to wash laundry by hand anyway? Also like most people, I can’t afford to buy new bras every year, and I keep wearing them for a ridiculously long time, long after they no longer fit properly and I get downright homicidal over how uncomfortable they are. Sometimes I think burning my bras would be an excellent idea. I am definitely one of those bra-burning types, after all. I’m definitely the type to prefer a natural look, very comfortable and practical, with nothing artificially lifted up, and I’m the type to rail against unfair beauty standards for women.

I have begun to wonder why and how it came to be that women are supposed to present at all times with breasts lifted up, rounded, nipples covered up but cleavage showing. Why is it that it’s considered obscenity for nipples to show, but women’s clothing often ensures that cleavage is on display? Why is one part of the breast for showing off while another part is completely forbidden from appearing in public? So I decided to read about the history of the bra. I found a book with the tantalizing and titillating title of Support and seduction: the history of corsets and bras. (Author: Beatrice Fontanel.) Here is what I learned.

Bras as we know them today have existed since approximately the 1920s. I expected the bra to have been invented by a man (probably because if I hate something then it probably comes from men LOL #misandry) but no, bras were invented by women. In France, Herminie Cadolle invented the first women’s undergarment that supported the breasts from above rather than from below, as the corset did, in 1889. In the U.S.A, Caresse Crosby also invented a bra and patented it in 1914. Cadolle and Crosby are both very interesting women to read about. For example, Cadolle’s lingerie business supplied undergarments to queens, princesses, dancers, and actresses, including Mata Hari, and her business still exists today.

“Rather than using the hips for a fulcrum as the corset does and gathering the breasts from underneath, the new principle was to hang suspenders from the shoulders to support the breasts from above.” (Support and Seduction, p75)

Before the bra was in widespread use, women were wearing corsets. You have probably heard that corsets were very restrictive, sometimes compressing the internal organs and the ribs in order to create an artificially narrowed waist, and that both doctors and feminists (suffragettes) campaigned against their use. Before corsets, a variety of fashions came and went according to time and place, sometimes lifting the breasts up to make them prominent, and sometimes hiding them. What women did with their breasts often depended on the views of the religious establishment or monarch in power at the time. It also depended on the social class of the woman. Working class women never had expensive lingerie.

Fontanel, the author of Support and Seduction, attributes two surprising social factors to the decline in popularity of the corset. One of them is the tango. Women couldn’t dance the tango in a corset since they were too restrictive for that type of dance. The other was the bicycle. Corsets were not compatible with this new mode of transportation. It seems so strange to me that the fact that corsets were physically harmful was not enough to reduce their popularity. What really did it was the tango and the bicycle, apparently. I don’t think we can possibly say which factors were the most influential, the medical evidence against corsets or new lifestyles that made them impractical, but what is clear to me is that women have been perfectly willing to harm their bodies for the sake of fashion for a really long time. Feminists campaigning against harmful beauty practices is nothing new. When I complain that women shouldn’t have to harm their bodies in order to fit a feminine ideal, I’m part of a very long line of women, going back to the suffragettes, who said the exact same thing. I had a chuckle over imagining this conversation taking place:

Suffragette: “Corsets are destroying your ribs and internal organs! Don’t subject yourself to that torture! Free yourself from oppression!”

Corset-wearer: “My ribs, my choice! Don’t corset-shame me! You’re just corset-phobic!”

Suffragette: *headdesk*

In the 1930s, bras gained the elastic shoulder strap that we are used to today. Other inventions in the 1930s were cup sizes A, B, C, D, padding, and underwires. It was in the 1950s that large breasts lifted up high became popular fashion, and that’s when padded and underwire bras really took off. Hollywood stars and pin-up girls set the standard for what breasts were supposed to look like. Things have basically stayed that way until now. Women are still expected to present with impossibly large breasts, lifted up high, and media images of women are still setting this standard.

It was really, really fun reading about the history of the corset and the bra. What I learned is that I’m actually damn lucky. That’s because, even though I hate my underwire bras, I actually have more choice than women have ever had before, and I don’t live in a time when women are expected to displace their internal organs to create a tiny waist. I have never worn a corset and I’ve always thought of them as harmful and old-fashioned, something that is only worn today as fetish gear. I had no idea what a girdle even was and had to look it up. The fact that I didn’t know what a girdle was is pretty cool—it means that they have largely fallen out of use, too.

I’m lucky because I am living in a time when there are tons of bras available, from the practical and comfortable to the decorative and ridiculous, and they are affordable for most women. I’m lucky that I have so many options and that I have grown up knowing that my undergarments shouldn’t physically harm me.

Fontanel writes:

“When a bra is seen hanging on a clothesline drying, it looks flimsy and comical, but in fact it is a high-precision industrial product. To make one takes twenty or more pieces, in tulle, jersey, or lace—some of them tiny. The first stage is the creation of an incredible puzzle, designed by the pattern-makers, so that when cutting the miles of fabric that pass through the workshop little waste will be left over. Then comes the assembly, which for a moderately sophisticated style may require thirty separate steps, performed by thirty different workers. Stitching, accurate to within a millimeter, fastening off, whipstitching—each operator has only a few seconds to perform her piecemeal task. The bra is the most complex item of dress there is and cannot be made by a machine. Corsetry, in consequence, remains a labor-intensive trade. As has happened in many other areas of the textile industry, its manufacturers have gone abroad to build their factories—to Portugal, Tunisia, Morocco, Greece, and Turkey. All the steps prior to assembly have been computerized and mechanized. But the moment it comes to actually constructing the bra, the best that can be done is to separate the different operations. Each worker—and they are generally women—is charged with a single stitch, perhaps a very small one.” P148.

This gives me a new respect for bras. Here I am imaging burning a bra in protest and I’m forgetting about the people who really are oppressed by bras—the women working in sweatshops to make them. (Bring on the worldwide socialist revolution!)

Soon I’m going to have to throw out my old bras that have loosened and lost their shape and get some new ones. But, you know what, I’m not dreading this anymore. I have been lamenting that I have to wear underwire bras to work and that this isn’t fair, but the weird thing is, I chose those bras. I liked the way they looked. I liked the way my breasts looked in them. If I wanted to change the way I dress, so that I could always have a sports bra on, I could. My problem is not so much that I am forced to wear a bra that I don’t like, it’s actually that I can’t be bothered to make sure they are always fitting me right, and that’s something I can change. And I can still go braless at home and while running errands.

Maybe I’m not a bra-burning feminist after all.

Newspaper article from 1897: “She Dislikes Men and Dogs”

The book Gay American History by Jonathan Katz contains old newspaper clippings that made reference to homosexuality, with commentary. This article from East Hampton Star, 1897, found on pages 64–65, didn’t specifically contain lesbianism but the author felt it was “lesbian-related” and also contained “charm” and “historical interest.”

It’s fucking hilarious and awesome!

“She Dislikes Men and Dogs.”

“A woman who loathes the sight of men and dogs, and hates them both cordially, is Miss Augusta Main, a spinster farmer near Berlin, N.Y. As she told a Justice, who held her to the grand jury in $1,000 bail for committing an assault on a male neighbor with intent to kill, she never sees men or dogs but what she aches to kill them.

When she discovers a man on her premises, she drops all work and makes them skedaddle. If, when ordered away, the man or men do not hurry, she pushes them along with a pitchfork or any other implement that happens to be handy. As a consequence, the men folks give her plenty of room.

Myron Beebe is the neighbor, whom she attempted to slay, and who swore out the warrant for her arrest. For a long time he has dared to cross her premises to get water from a well. It saved him a long walk, and he took the chances.

A few days ago, while Beebe was making the usual short cut to the well, Miss Main came out of her house with a big revolver, and without any parleying opened fire on the man. He ran for dear life, while the bullets whistled about his ears.

When he got home he found that out of the six shots fired two had perforated the overalls which he wore, while another had torn the rim of his hat. The other three bullets came within such close proximity that their whistle still rings in his ears.

Miss Main has, since she took the farm, performed all the work on the place without any male assistance, and does it well. She goes to the market with a load of vegetables every week, and sells them herself. Every day she cleans out the stables, feeds the live stock and rubs down the horses. Only in harvest time does she seek outside help, and then she hires strapping young women.

All the tramps who came in the county know of her and give her a wide berth.”

The female orgasm: still just as mysterious as ever

I couldn’t help clicking on an article on I Fucking Love Science called “The Female Orgasm Is Not What You Think It Is.” This is rather clickbaity; there is not really any new revelation about female orgasms in the article aside from the fact that a new scientific paper reports that women can achieve orgasm from stimulation to a few other body parts besides the obvious. But this was a fun article and I’m always down for a conversation about female orgasms. What could be a more fun topic, really? (Contains TMI).

“In terms of ladyfolk, it’s been generally agreed that there are three ways to achieve one: stimulation of the vagina, stimulation of the clitoris, or both. There are plenty of nuances to this in terms of timescales, pace, and ability to achieve orgasm in the first place, but those are the basics. However, a new study published in the journal Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology by researchers from Concordia University in Montreal, Canada, has highlighted that some women can probably achieve these biological fireworks by being physically stimulated in several, previously underappreciated erogenous zones. These extra special areas include the lips, nipples, ears, neck, fingers, and toes.”

This makes sense to me. I’ve heard women say they can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, and hell, Jack Monroe can apparently orgasm from stimulation to the wrist, so why not? It took science until 2016 to actually publish in a paper that women can climax from something other than vaginal and clitoral stimulation, but I’m pretty sure that women have been doing it since the dawn of time. But despite this fancy new research, science still can’t pin down exactly what a female orgasm consists of.

“Based on a huge review of the scientific literature, the team concluded that women have “a remarkable variety of orgasmic experiences,” as noted in a statement. They highlight that “orgasms don’t have to come from one site, nor from all sites,” and that it (clearly) varies greatly between each individual woman. Significantly, the research from McGill and Concordia Universities defines an orgasm as something fairly subjective, an experience entirely dependent on what a woman understands an orgasm to consist of. Rather than just being a counterpart to the relatively straightforward male orgasm, they posit that the female orgasm is essentially a plethora of experiences. The most commonly accepted medical definition involves the contraction of genital muscles, accompanied by a rush of endorphins and, sometimes, ejaculate. However, the key point that most focus on is the “rush of intense sexual pleasure,” which does lend itself to being quite subjective depending on what individuals experience at the time. Indeed, it appears the objective of this new study is to highlight that the female orgasm has no such concrete definition.”

Yep, the female orgasm still defies explanation and baffles scientists, even as we women continue to have them. I agree with the definition proposed above, that a female orgasm is a rush of intense sexual pleasure accompanied by contraction of the genital muscles. I also agree that the female orgasm is a variety of different experiences. Mine are not all the same, they can be as soft as a whisper or they can be so powerful I cry. Although my muscles usually contract, they don’t always. I don’t know why that is. They’re definitely all unique and it’s hard to even describe how they differ. They actually change according to where I am in my menstrual cycle, which is interesting.

“This is a reference to the evolutionary enigma of the human female orgasm. Many have concluded that it serves no direct reproductive purpose, and thus it isn’t clear why it evolved in the first place. Some have suggested that it encourages pair-bonding between partners, but a recent study suggested that it was once the key biological trigger required for ovulation to take place. Earlier in our evolutionary history, both the male and female orgasm were required to begin ovulation. We’ve since evolved a different form of reproduction, and the female orgasm has taken on a more pleasure and bonding-based secondary role – and, as this new review showcases, orgasm-induced happiness comes in many forms.”

Silly menz with their silly “sexology” and “evolutionary psychology.” They don’t understand the point of a female orgasm, and they also think that women who don’t get off on being pronged by a dude are “frigid.” (Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!) I’ll tell ya the point of a female orgasm: to bring a female sexual pleasure, duh! That is in fact a worthy enough reason on its own, there doesn’t need to be any more to it than that. Because of our orgasmic capacity, being in a female body is fantastic and enjoyable. We deserve to have something good seeing as we have to bleed every month and occasionally gestate a baby. The female orgasm is nature’s way of saying “Thanks.”

Notice this article didn’t say anything about women having orgasms by ejaculating out their lady sticks? Science is so twanzphobic!! I wonder how many laydees were LITERALLY KILLED by this article? We’ll be seeing an uproar of death threats from trans activists toward I Fucking Love Science any minute now, right?

*crickets chirp*