Not identifying with a gender can be so much easier than this

Articles about nonbinary people are always entertaining because they promise to explain and clarify what nonbinary is but they don’t; instead they contain nothing but extravagant nonsense.

The article I’m discussing today is called  What it Means to Call Ourselves Non-binary and despite the promise of the title, sadly and unsurprisingly it contains no definition of nonbinary. (Unless the word nonbinary does in fact mean rambling text and unnecessary labels.)

Let’s dive right in:

“Being non-binary or genderqueer is inherently kind of confusing because it depends on not identifying with a gender. Therefore, it’s definitions are wide and varying and complex. Here’s how just a few of us on staff think about what it means to call ourselves non-binary. Guess what? Our definitions are wildly different!”

Okay, I’m already rolling my eyes. And just to warn you right here, if you do plan to read the full article, please take a moment to stretch your eye-rolling muscles before you start, because you’re going to be doing a LOT of eye-rolling, and you don’t want to pull a muscle.

For some reason, “not identifying with a gender” is presented as complex and confusing. Why? I don’t identify with a gender, and I find it very simple and easy. Here’s what you do: Go about your day as usual. Wear the clothes that you feel comfortable in, and go about your daily activities like you normally would. While you’re doing this, don’t bother assigning a gender label to your interests and appearance. Just skip that step altogether!  Pretend gender doesn’t even exist and ignore any messages about whether your clothing and mannerisms are “correct” or not. If someone tells you that you should look or behave a certain way because of your sex, tell them they are shallow and sexist and that you disagree with their views. Tell them that people are varied and complex and we are not stereotypes and in fact, those stereotypes are harmful and need to go. You don’t need to tell them that you don’t identify with a gender, because there is nothing odd or unusual about you at all! There is just something wrong with them. They are being shallow and sexist.

I can sum up “not identifying with a gender” in one simple phrase: “I’m a person who doesn’t buy into sexist bullshit.” Done!

Simple! Easy!

However, folks who identify as nonbinary try to take something as simple and easy as “not identifying with a gender” and turn it into something very complicated, in addition to ambiguous and vague.

The first writer, Alaina, says:

“Non-binary is the easiest way for me to publicly recognize that my gender is not woman or man or anything really, and so I keep it around. For now. But like, what does it mean? I don’t know! It means that my gender is not on the binary. Which is not very specific at all. Very unhelpful, indeed.”

So I guess this article shouldn’t be called “What it Means to Call Ourselves Nonbinary.” Instead it should be called “People Who Have No Idea What They’re Trying to Say Jabber On About Nothing to Fill Space.”

“And like, I don’t know, maybe I’m too much of a Gemini or whatever, but my innermost self changes literally hourly…. How could I expect to find a gender that expresses that?”

Wow. Why would you need to find a “gender” that expresses your hourly feelings? It’s normal to feel different from moment to moment. We have different physical and emotional reactions to each event of our days. This is standard human experience. Why on Earth do you need a “gender” label to describe the normal experience of being human? WTF.

Also, isn’t it fitting that these writers decided to use language and vocabulary that sounds like a spoken conversation among teenagers? It’s almost like nonbinary is a teenage fad!

“I just want to be able to exist and like be a person who is just themselves and is only seen as that, an individual human being. Non-binary is the closest I’m getting to being able to talk about myself in that way.”

Again, I find I’m dropping my jaw in disbelief. You were already “just a person” who is “an individual human being” before you ever heard of gender identity theory. You were born an individual human being just like everyone else. All of us are individual human beings who are just ourselves. My question to you is “What is making you think that anyone is anything other than an individual human being?” All of us, even those of us who don’t identify as nonbinary, see ourselves as individual human beings. I’m flabbergasted as to why this universal truth about humans would require a label at all.

Here’s some advice: Just live your life as an individual human being, and if anyone you encounter has a preconceived notion that you should be something in particular that they’ve come up with, they are wrong. Either ignore them or prove them wrong, as appropriate for the situation.

The next writer, Cee, says:

“I’m definitely not an expert on this, but my understanding of nonbinary is simply someone who exists outside the two option male/female gender binary.”

You sure aren’t an expert! You don’t even know the difference between gender and sex, which is essential knowledge for this conversation. Let me help you out: sex is biological, and it refers to reproductive characteristics that come in two types: male and female. In rare cases there are individuals who are born with atypical sex characteristics, but the vast majority of us have typical reproductive anatomy and are easily classifiable as male (producing sperm) or female (producing ova.) Gender is a social construct that can mean many things, but primarily it means: (1) the attributes and roles that are socially assigned to people based on their sex, and (2) a social category that is not clearly defined but which corresponds with a set of preferred pronouns.  Now that we’ve got that cleared up, yes, there is a male/female binary. It exists in nature, it’s the way we’re born, and it doesn’t matter whether we’re comfortable with it or not because we cannot change it. Gender, on the other hand, can come in infinite types, since we can keep making up ideas about gender forever and ever.

Everyone exists outside the social construct of gender because we are material bodies that exist in the real world no matter what constructs we dream up. Almost everyone exists within the male/female binary because the vast majority of us are typically male or female, and even people born with intersex conditions can often be classified as one of the sexes, because they are similar to one or the other. If someone had equal amounts of male and female sex characteristics, then I could possibly agree that they exist outside the sex binary but this is something physical, not something you can “identify” as. And there is no “third sex,” by the way. There is no sex gamete besides sperm and ova. People who are unclassifiable are still variations on the two sexes, not another sex entirely.

Cee reports having certain preferences in dress and behaviour, and she reports preferring not to have breasts. This is totally normal and none of that means she isn’t a woman. Although there are lots of women who like having breasts, myself included, there are also lots of women who don’t like having them. It’s normal if you do and normal if you don’t, and in both cases you are still a valid woman.

The next writer starts off by apologizing:

“Not to start off on the wrong foot, but I’m terrified that everything I’m about to write is wrong. I am a white, afab, spilled-glitter-on-my-tie-of-center, liberal arts-educated human with money in savings and a Toyota Corolla. What gives me the fuckin’ right, ya know?”

Holy crap! Women have always been expected to stay silent, and it looks like what she has learned in SJW communities is more of the same. She literally thinks she has no right to speak. Sure, as a person with money, she isn’t qualified to write a piece about how it feels to live in poverty, and as a white person she isn’t qualified to speak about how racial oppression feels, but she is certainly qualified to write about her own experience.

“Like, I fully expect everyone else to assume I don’t have any real problems so I’m inventing a gender crisis to seem interesting.”

It’s interesting that she brought this up on her own. Now I know this is exactly what I should think about her.

“I assumed all women felt deeply ambivalent about being women. For the first quarter-century of my life I lived into the idea that “being a girl can mean whatever I want it to mean,” and I did whatever I wanted and cut my hair short a bunch of times (but never said I wanted a boy’s haircut, always a pixie — always one centimeter and a razor fade from having my head look how I really wanted it to). At my first A-Camp, all that suddenly felt like punkass bullshit.”

Wait, wait, wait—WHOA. What are you calling “punkass bullshit”? Because it sounds like you think that the idea that women can feel ambivalent about being women is “punkass bullshit” and it also sounds like you are calling your correct statement that being a girl can mean anything you want it to is also “punkass bullshit.” I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to interpret here besides that. It sounds like you started out a non-sexist woman who accepted herself as-is but then turned into a sexist when she learned genderist ideology. That wouldn’t surprise me, because genderist ideology is profoundly and shockingly sexist. So now you think that wanting to have short hair means you’re not a woman. The 1950s called, and they want their gender roles back!

“To be clear, being a girl can mean whatever you want it to mean.”

Okay, good. So please explain, on what basis do you believe that you are not a woman, if women can be anything?

“I know that in the venn diagram of gender there are many women who share many characteristics with me except that they feel really strongly about being women.”

Huh? Who feels strongly about being a woman? I’m not even sure what that means. I just know I’m a woman because I know what parts I have and I understand what the word woman means. A woman is an adult human female, and I’m an adult human female, so I’m a woman. It has nothing to do with a personal conviction.

“It feels more and more alien when people call me “ma’am” or “lady” or “miss,” which happens a lot here in Texas. That language is so far from the way I see myself that it makes my brain hurt trying to figure out how other people still see me that way.”

I’m not sure how simple forms of address used for all adult human females could possibly encapsulate “the way you see yourself.” How would they do that? They are just forms of address. They don’t express how I feel about myself either. These words aren’t there to express any personal feelings.

My brain hurts trying to figure out how you can have a university degree and still not understand basic human anatomy and basic functions of common words.

“She/her pronouns don’t make me feel much of anything, positive or negative.”

Well, of course they don’t. They’re just pronouns. No reasonable person gets emotional about grammar. I don’t feel anything about female pronouns either, or any other pronouns. They just exist so we can refer to the people around us when we talk.

“They/them pronouns make my heart click together, make my legs stop shaking in their subconscious effort to burn off my endless anxiety.”

Oh my gawd, why? What is it with these people and randomly assigning intense emotional meaning to neutral and insignificant things? Hearing a pronoun makes your heart click together? Fer feck sake, I’m gonna write an article for Autostraddle about how conjunctions and subjunctive tense verbs make my soul fly among the heavens.

The next writer, Cecilia, identifies as ALL of the following:

  • Witch
  • Knife-Licking Femme
  • Glitter Witch Femme
  • Cyber Femme
  • Child in a Miyazaki Film
  • Futuristic Ash Ketchum
  • Cis-Passing Art Hoe
  • Neutral Cis-Passing Take Me Seriously I’m A Capricorn Rising

However, even though all these descriptions apparently describe her, the word “woman” does not. How someone can be both female and feminine but somehow “not a woman” is beyond me. How a woman can consider herself a movie character but not a woman is beyond me.

She seems to choose her gender labels according to spiritual energies and artistic expressions. It’s fine to have spiritual energies and artistic expressions, and many of us have these. But there’s no reason why any of these require a “gender” label, and there’s no reason why anyone other than herself needs to take any interest in this. I feel a lot of resonance with certain artistic expressions too, but I just experience them without going around making other people validate them for me or change the way they talk about me because of them. There’s no need for that.

The last writer mentions having to explain over and over what nonbinary means, and yet she doesn’t offer an explanation in her write-up here. You’d think that if she was in the habit of explaining what nonbinary means, and if she was writing for an article about what nonbinary means, she’d at some point define what nonbinary means? Nope! She just offers a rambling account of her life that doesn’t add up to much of anything. She likes to wear a binder and doesn’t like her breasts touched. Okay, fair enough, so you don’t like having breasts. Not all women like them! You’re allowed to have boundaries! None of this means that you aren’t an adult human female!

I remain open to finding out what nonbinary means, and I will continue reading the articles I come across. But according to what I’ve read so far about being nonbinary, it can mean any of the following:

  • Being cool, special, geeky, or artsy; having feelings and experiences
  • Not fitting in with the popular clique
  • Being uncomfortable with certain body parts
  • Believing that normal human feelings require special labels
  • Requiring the people around you to refer to you by a label you like

Except for the obsession with labels, being nonbinary is no different from being any other human being. Genderist ideology requires that we apply unnecessary labels to normal human traits and take very seriously things that are neutral and unimportant. It’s a bunch of, shall we say, “punkass bullshit.”

I’m not buying it.

24 thoughts on “Not identifying with a gender can be so much easier than this

  1. I’m not buying it either. It seems to me that people who by into gender ideology need to be validated by strangers through likes or views or some other social media capital. It’s meaningless bullshit and that’s essentially what their “definitions” say — nothing.

    They’re basically saying ” I’m unsatisfied with myself as I am so I need some sort of outside validation to feel worthy”. I guess it’s not all that different from the beauty industry which convinces women and girls that they’re not good enough as they are and that they have all these imaginary flaws that need to be fixed and that once they fix them they’ll be whole.

    Liked by 3 people

    • You are soooooooo right!!! The Media, Govt, Schools and Liberal Churches are spreading the propaganda and indoctrinating kids with this confusion exactly so that the 40-50 brand spanking new sex reassignment clinics will start cranking out money just like the cosmetic industry. Plus, depopulation is a Globalist Agenda and how convenient that they can use mind control like this to get kids to line up to voluntarily sterilize themselves, so they don’t have to do what China attempted with the one-child policy. And, it’s the undesirables who are being sterilized; gender non-conforming kids who would normally grow up to be lesbian and gay. And, now, they’re targeting autistic kids too (more undesirables). Grrrrrr……

      Liked by 2 people

      • I should hope depopulation is a globalist agenda. There are far too many of us, and the only reason more of us aren’t starving to death is that along the way we figured out how to use petroleum.

        But that will run out. And the crash will be awful.

        I don’t approve of the concept of elites “eliminating undesirables,” though I doubt that’s what’s really happening here because even with the current blowup in trans popularity, they’re still a tiny percentage of the population and if the goal is to cut down the population quickly, this isn’t an efficient way to get us there. I prefer educating women and giving them easy access to safe contraception and legal abortion, because that DOES drop the population quickly. But in the end none of it will be enough, not even Sooper Sekrit Guvmint Conspiracies, and it’s going to take some kind of traumatic event to knock us back down to proper levels again. Hopefully that will happen before we kill the biosphere.


    • I can probably elucidate this somewhat. A lot of genderists love anime for one reason or another. Miyazaki has made a lot of anime films over the years that are quite famous, and actually very good films. Many of the characters in his films (usually children or young protagonists) are often outsider types or characters who find themselves out of place in their society for one reason or another, and his themes will often revolve around the protagonist growing and finding their place in the world. (There’s many other themes in his films too, but you know, that’s one that tends to pop up a lot). But, significantly, the character/s will do this without compromising the core of who they are. Or sometimes they’ll end up rejecting the world altogether, as San does in Princess Mononoke. So the purpose of mentioning Miyazaki is twofold – first it’s liberal speak for ‘I’m cool and edgy and so original and different in what I like’ (though comparatively speaking, Miyazaki is famous enough that even many people who don’t know much about anime will have seen at least one of his films, so he’s somewhat ‘mainstream’ as far as tastes go. Not that that’s a bad thing of course, it’s just ironic that she’s referencing something she thinks makes her so cool and different when she’s referencing something that actually suggests she has fairly normal tastes). And by identifying with his characters, she’s saying she’s like them – thoughtful, clever, resourceful, determined to forge her own path in the the world, and maybe also a bit of an outsider/someone who doesn’t quite fit in. Again, ironic, since everything she’s doing by buying into all this genderist stuff is the absolute opposite to what a character in a Miyazki film would actually do, because that is all about making herself acceptable to society and judging herself via other people’s standards and preconceptions instead of looking within herself to find out who she actually is, and declaring that regardless of what the world thinks of her.

      Liked by 6 people

    • That’s part of the otherkin/fictionkin nonsense. Otherkin used to be an obscure fandom in the 90s, mostly consisting of fantasy nerds who were into roleplaying. A lot of them were just creative and would say they were a particular animal or use the animal as a metaphor for their personality. However, in my personal experience, most of them were functioning adults who didn’t literally think they were wolves or dragons or whatever. It was just harmless roleplaying and having a hobby. Of course, those were people I whose forum I was stalking in the 90s (dial-up) era because I thought they were interesting.

      But now we have tumblr where everything is taken to a stupid level and most otherkin there (at least the most vocal ones) seem to literally think they are [insert animal here] and if you point out it’s just roleplaying, then you are kin-phobic! As for this woman who thinks she’s “a child in a Miyazaki film”, she’s possibly the next level of stupidity, which are people who are fictionkin and think they are fictional characters! They claim to have memories of being said fictional character and get super upset when people make fanfic or fanart of said character that they don’t approve of. The extra special level of wank is when two or more people are “kin” to the same fictional character. It’s special snowflake fight club; who is the ‘real’ kin and who is a poser?

      For more amusement/fodder to be horrified at, I direct you to this blog:

      She collects screenshots of dumb things on tumblr.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I usually identify with the protagonist of the novel that I read, or the movie or series that I see. In fact, if I do not identify myself, I do not finish it, because I do not care what happens to it. I have to invent a gender for this? I’m empathetic gender. Heavens, how can anyone take this nonsense seriously? That this comes out in the newspaper is amazing, but non-binary girls are amputating their breasts, not funny.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Despite your warning, I clicked on the article and now struggle to get my left eye back into place. How silly can people get?

    I understand that our present society and its enforcement of gender is utterly awful and leads to lots of trouble, but this nonbinary thing isn’t a solution, it’s just an expression of more of the same.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Thanks to your suggestion, I did a proper warmup before reading the article, so I got through it without spraining anything (although the facial muscles that express contempt were a little sore when I was finished). Your analysis is spot-on. It was particularly frustrating to read Tiara’s take, because she seemed about a step-and-a-half away from seeing the truth when she described herself as gender agnostic and asked what the point was of identifying as non-binary.

    I’m with you on wondering why they’ve turned not identifying with gender stereotypes into something so very complicated. Sometimes I see this whole non-binary/agender/genderqueer nonsense as the latest way for young women to claim they’re not like all the other girls, and at other times I wonder whether the pressure to perform femininity is now so great that the only way to be off the hook is to claim a special identity, but it all seems as ridiculous as a theology of atheism.

    “It does not so very much matter whether a man eats a grilled tomato or a plain tomato; it does very much matter whether he eats a plain tomato with a grilled mind.”–G.K. Chesterton

    Liked by 4 people

  5. I’m usually struck by the disdain and contempt these nonbinaries have for us folk who are “binary” because we aren’t playing power and control games over pronouns. Like, nonbinaries are defined as “individuals” by dint of not identifying with the collection of gender stereotypes of either sex. So what are the rest of us? Conformists who embrace the stereotypes of our sex? It’s the air of superiority and implied put-down that I have trouble getting past. Narcissism on steroids, metaphorically speaking. I try to be understanding, since I don’t know what it’s like to be unimaginative and conformist, while valuing uniqueness, so that you have to make up a gender identity and enforce pronouns to tell people you’re an original. Like, everyone I meet thinks I’m an original, even though I’m usually wearing ordinary clothes. I don’t have to try. I understand that nonbinaries are having a struggle outside of my experience, and I don’t think it’s really about gender.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Isn’t (literally) every last human being non-binary, in the sense of “not conforming to or being comfortable with 100% of the attributes and personalities typically associated with his or her gender”?

    I’m a man. I’m heterosexual. I’m a vegan. I don’t care about cars or sports. I don’t care about clothes. I don’t enjoy shopping. I have a poor sense of direction. I’m a curmudgeon. Except when I’m a volunteer ESL tutor. Some of these qualities are “masculine.” Some are “feminine.”

    While I might sometimes find myself fascinating, I understand that I’m just like everyone else: I’m a mishmash of likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses. I’m an individual. Aren’t we all?

    Liked by 2 people

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