Fun with homophobic weirdos

Here’s one thing that’s political and doesn’t bum me out. Homophobic weirdos and their baffling and hilarious anti-gay brochures!

I hate-follow Autostraddle, and most of their articles either make me want to projectile vomit or roll my eyes right out of my head, but every once in a while they write something genuinely good. Here is an article about the homophobic brochures going around Australia right now. Whenever there is a vote or a change in law regarding same-sex marriage, all sorts of religious and right-wing buffoons create bizarre and laughable explanations and scare tactics designed to get people to oppose civil rights for gays and lesbians.

Oh man, they never fail to disappoint! Do click on the link to Autostraddle, but I’ll just post an image from their article here, because I just adore it.

See, because seat belts can’t be tied by putting the open ends together or the inserting ends together, that means that persons born with a homosexual orientation don’t deserve civil rights. Of course, they’re not talking about seat belts, they’re using a family-friendly euphemism for a penis entering a vagina. According to homophobic weirdos, there is nothing more important in the universe than penis-in-vagina sex that produces a baby. That’s what they live for and all they know. That’s not only the purpose, but the very definition of marriage. Just check out this other homophobic ad from the same Autostraddle article:

This writer explains marriage in the following way:

“When the wife’s egg is fertilized by the husband’s sperm in the marital act of love, a flash of light occurs and a baby is conceived. Nine months later, “their” baby is born….They have created a new life together. THIS IS MARRIAGE!”

So you see, folks…marriage is not the union of two people in love, and it’s not even the union of “one man and one woman,” as the homophobes define it. Marriage is the act of human procreation!

Of course, this means that even straight couples who don’t have children or who are infertile cannot possibly ever be married. Their marriages are not valid. The state should immediately revoke their marriage licenses, or the hounds of hell shall be released!

You know, every time I look at that seat belt graphic, I love it even more. The assertion that only one of these is a real seat belt is so precious! I’ve been trying to figure out how I can create an equally awesome graphic that responds adequately to the supreme level of awesomeness that this seat belt graphic achieves.

I pondered the meaning that this designer was trying to convey. Same-sex relationship are wrong, apparently, on the basis that our genitals don’t interlock while we’re having sex. Apparently that interlocking feature is the defining factor in what makes a relationship. What small, strange lives these people must have. And what terrible sex lives they must have! Even for straight people, the non-crazy ones anyway, sex is way more than just a mechanical motion of in-out, in-out. Most of the things that humans do during satisfying sex are common to all sexual orientations and body types: kissing, caressing, touching, cuddling, petting, and manual and oral stimulation are things we all do. But that one defining feature of heterosex is the only thing that counts for these homophobic weirdos.

Another, slightly more serious article from the Guardian also discusses the homophobic brochures going around Australia, and offers more quotes shedding more light on what exactly these folks are worried about. One fear is that if we allow same-sex couples to legally marry, then teachers will start teaching how to have gay sex in classrooms. Another fear is that homosexuality is a “curse of death” because it “terminates the family line.” (Again, what is this obsession with breeding? There are already 7.5 billion people on the planet, for gosh sake. If a small percentage of the population doesn’t reproduce, there will still be world overpopulation.) Another fear is that if we legalize same-sex marriage, that will directly lead to transsexuals raping women in washrooms.

Now, I do have to add a small disclaimer to that last point. It’s true that genderist ideology seeks to eliminate sex-segregated spaces which can lead to harassment of women in what were supposed to be our private spaces. I’m concerned about that too. I don’t think anyone is likely to actually rape a woman in a washroom—what is most likely to happen to women is verbal harassment, intimidation, and flashing by men who believe they are “women.” (Although you never know what men will do, some of them are pretty damn dangerous.) But legalization of same-sex marriage doesn’t desegregate washrooms and locker rooms. Same-sex marriage has absolutely nothing to do with genderist ideology, and the only reason these two things have become linked is because organizations that used to fight for gay rights have started promoting the gender identity movement. This shouldn’t be happening, and I’m frustrated that an ideology that harms lesbians is being associated with our fight for our own rights.

I always get the impression from the insane rantings of homophobic conservatives that they think heterosexuality is so fragile that if you merely suggest that homosexuality exists, all previously heterosexual people will suddenly lose interest in the opposite sex and will forevermore engage in no other activity than homosexual fornication. Also, judging by the symbolism used in their graphics where women are coloured pink and men are coloured blue, I get the impression that they fear humans won’t be able to figure out how to breed if we get rid of old-fashioned gender roles.

To get all radfem about it, those who are invested in preserving patriarchy know that you have to rigidly enforce heterosexuality, PIV sex, old-fashioned gender roles, and frequent reproduction, to keep patriarchy going. They think that without all these institutions in place, civilization would collapse, which reveals that they define “civilization” as capitalist patriarchy. Those of us who have a vision of a better, more egalitarian and sustainable civilization than capitalist patriarchy are very scary to them.

So, just for fun, I’ve created some silly graphics to respond to the awesome seat belt graphic above. Inspiration for creative work comes from unexpected places!

Here are my Awesome Graphics on the topic of which relationships are “real” relationships because the people “fit” together. Obviously I am going to use Comic Sans and liberal use of unnecessary all caps and random quotation marks, just to follow the conventions of the genre of crazy people’s crazy graphics. I also tried to capture the baffling incoherence that this genre generously offers. I hope you will like my submissions:

#logic

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9 thoughts on “Fun with homophobic weirdos

  1. It’s not so fun if you are here 😦 (Although I love your new and improved graphics!)

    The dude from Sale (which is a small town of about 14k in the arse end of nowhere) is a retired farmer in his 70s and there has been a lot of noise that he actually put his name to an ad which was drafted by the local fundies with him as cannon fodder. His son has come out and said he is voting Yes (even tho he is in the same small rural community) and is desperately trying to distance himself. (Poor thing)

    I live in a city melting pot suburb that is ethnically, economically and socially diverse and have complete wanker of a religious fundie across the street from me who warned me when I first moved in that women shouldn’t be going outside after dark as it wasn’t safe (I’ve lived in trouble hotspots and this is not one of them) and then after a couple of warnings when I didn’t heed his fear campaign actually called the fucking cops on me when I went out to get the cat in after 8pm. (Stating there was a burglar trying to get in my house). After 3 of these events, the cops and I came up with a deal where I gave them my mobile phone number and they called before coming over to check all ok. FFS. He doesn’t like POC’s either (he hates women and his wife is not allowed a phone or to watch TV) and bullied and harassed some out of the neighbourhood.

    Given how excessively proactive he is about trying to chase non conforming people out of the neighbourhood (I finally resorted to letting him know I had military training – true) and was therefore not scared at all but I could understand how he might be seeing as he was short and all that 🙂 🙂 🙂 I totally expected to have my mailbox swamped with the kind of seatbelt shit that Purple Sage has so lovingly memorialised but there has been nothing. Not one pamphlet, not one doorknock. Total radio silence. I am getting pamphlets about the water quality, the railway crossing, the environment and a gazillion as we have a byelection in the local council ward but nothing in the SSM debate.

    I took out my Mum and 3 of her cronies from the nursing home out last week as they all wanted to see their votes put in the mailbox. 96, 92, 88, & 83 years old. All voted Yes. Normally I take them to funerals and I get a bit frustrated at 3 walking frames and a wheelchair (it takes half an hour just to get them in the car 🙂 ) but this weekend was sweet, sweet, sweet. They made such a huge effort and were so proud of themselves.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “if you merely suggest that homosexuality exists, all previously heterosexual people will suddenly lose interest in the opposite sex”

    Seriously, I wonder how many men are actually secretly terrified of this. I think most of them understand how awful they are to women, and if they view sex as a transaction it would make sense they’d be afraid of being left for a “better offer”.

    Awesome article, and your graphics are just the best!!! You have such a great sense of humor!

    Liked by 1 person

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