Responding to a Reddit comment

Here is a lesbian who feels better while taking testosterone but doesn’t identify as a man, and she finds herself in between trans ideology and radical feminist ideology. On very rare occasions, I run into someone on the Internet in this situation. I think these people are interesting and I enjoy hearing from them.

Link to Reddit thread here.


“Does gender crit ideology have a problem with people who choose to medically transition AND are able to acknowledge biology/stay out of spaces made for the opposite sex? I ask this question because I’d probably lean more towards this category of human. I am 100% aware that I’m a lesbian (biologically female interested in females), but have wanted to masculinize my body since learning it existed in 2007 (have also taken T previously). What I felt while on testosterone was relief from mental health issues I’ve never been able to feel relief from (and I’ve been treated with many psychiatric drugs, years and years of therapy, and tried multiple ‘alternative’ methods, generally involving healthy living/exercise).

“Since puberty hit, I developed debilitating panic disorder that I do believe was/is hormonally induced (in fact, the biochemical shit that happens during PMS absolutely narrows this down…increase in estrogen, decrease in GABA, and my genetics must hold the predisposition for this, many of my fam are PD diagnosed/have alcoholism and other issues trying to solve this). Not only this, but no other medical intervention has made me feel legitimately¬†healthy. I’d never experienced the confidence, the physical strength, or the happiness that parallels what HRT gave to me for the few short months I was on it.

“My conflict came because I became critical of the trans ideology itself…mostly due to learning of ‘the cotton ceiling’ and being concerned about pediatric transitioners (and just how booming of a fad transition seems to have become). However, I’ve always been ‘misgendered’. I’m used to not knowing which pronoun someone will use, and no pronoun feels ‘preferred’ or ‘correct’ to me. The only ‘incorrect’ pronoun feels like ‘it’, because it’s dehumanizing.

“I guess I’m posting this because several days ago I came to a realization that I don’t have to ‘identify’ as anything to take something that helps my mental and physical well-being, helps me feel better about my appearance and the way I feel in my body (I felt more connected to my physical experience than I have since puberty hit). I almost feel torn between ideologies.

“I don’t completely agree with transgender or radical feminist ideology (who honestly can say they do agree 100% with anything). I already feel isolated, so feeling conflicts with very core aspects of two opposing ideologies has felt extra isolating, as if I cannot be fully honest in either group.

“I guess I’m wondering what thoughts are on people who decide to make this personal choice but also recognize the rights of others to organize in spaces that don’t necessarily fit us into that group. What are your opinions? Is it possible to transition without negatively impacting others? Also, it almost feels like damage control at this point…I feel like I hurt people in my life more being unhappy than when I feel good and confident in my body (which I’ve been trying to do, for the most part, without medical transition for the past 14 years). Those who respect the boundaries of others, understand that biology is really important in dating (I don’t really want to get with anyone who has a penis either) and political spaces specific to one sex….are we okay?

“Is there a way to transition (helping the mental health of oneself) without getting in the way of others? I very much feel like testosterone is the closest thing that I’ve ever had to treating the physical and emotional discomfort I experience as a GNC female day to day, and I’m beginning to realize that I can’t completely give up my happiness for others who only will accept me in very specific circumstances, but I also want to know what I can do, as someone who feels critical of some inherent identity ( I do think there are biological factors that may play a role in this degree of GNC lesbianism…I didn’t make some choice to be this way, it’s inherent, but transition is obviously is a choice), to sort of meet in the middle. Taking the concerns of both my own mental health and the ability of females to organize exclusively into consideration.

“Does this make sense? I’ve been a bit hesitant to post this. Very unsure of the response this will get and somewhat embarrassed to put this out there. But it hit me that there has to be someone else feeling like this somewhere. :/”

/end quote

Well, since you asked, I am gender critical and I think we would get along just fine. I have problems with transgender politics as they are currently playing out due to the removal of women’s rights and the constant lying about biology, among other things. So if someone is trans but not denying biology and not taking away women’s rights, then we’re cool.

I think you have a good attitude toward your situation, because you are accepting of yourself as a lesbian and accepting of your body. You are also respectful of people’s genital preferences when it comes to relationships.

I definitely think you can transition without getting in the way of others. There are some trans people who are trying to make the entire world bend to their ideas, and this is wrong. For example, there are trans men who give birth to babies and breastfeed but still want people to think of them as men, and they also want organizations that help women with birthing and breastfeeding to stop using the word “woman” when referring to the class of people who can give birth and breastfeed. This is absolutely ridiculous and this is an example of “getting in the way of others” while transitioning. If you are doing what’s right for you while staying in touch with reality and not trying to control other people’s accurate thoughts and language, then we’re cool.

I am pretty skeptical that taking artificial hormones is ever a good idea, but I can’t say that I understand everything about the effects of hormones in the body, and if someone can honestly say that artificial hormones are the only thing that can help them feel better, than I’m not stopping them. I do not advocate for eliminating the existence of artificial hormones.

I feel relief when I meet someone who takes hormones to feel better but still lives in reality. I am pretty chill about a woman with a deep voice and a beard who knows that she is biologically female and isn’t trying to get me to accept nonsense or lies. I would even advocate for gender neutral washrooms and removing the sex marker from driver’s licenses on her behalf, if that’s gonna help.

I am totally accepting of people who are different. The only things I won’t accept are misogyny and lies.

8 thoughts on “Responding to a Reddit comment

  1. I’ve heard that more than once before, that testosterone is an effective antidepressant. Considering how dodgy pharmaceutical antidepressants are in terms of efficacy, it’s not surprising that people look for alternatives. Hell, heroin is a great antidepressant. This seems to me to be something of a drug culture phenomenon, that people who are comfortable with the idea of chemically tailoring their internal landscape will be comfortable going to fairly extreme measures to do so. And you don’t have to shoot T every day.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yeah, that sounds about right. I don’t think putting anything artificial in your body is a good idea, but hell, I’ve taken antidepressants before, because I was going to die if I didn’t. People gotta do what they gotta do.


  2. I understand where she is coming from. I really do. As a woman who is now 57 years old & who suffered through terrible PMS all through her “bleeding years” … until I had a full hysterectomy at age 49, due to a variety of health reasons, including cancer … but using testosterone as an antidepressant is pretty fucking lame, IMHO. There are plenty other ways to deal with this problem. Like … being TOTALLY honest with why you’re not happy when you are “growing up”. I didn’t want to grow up either but that was way back in 1970 & even though I called myself a tomboy & thought that maybe “god” fucked up & should have made me a boy, the fact is .. THE FACT IS … I am a woman born & that’s the way it is. The only thing that made me feel “comfortable in my own skin” was doing all kinds of drugs to make me sleek & slender & I ended up with a fine body & a fine addiction … I didn’t like going to AA either, but I learned about acceptance. Some of the things we hate the most are the things that save our lives. It took me a while to get used to my bigger, softer, womanly body but I like who I am now & I have found some kind of happiness. Of course, part of that is simply growing the fuck up & accepting who you are. If you are a woman born & you hate your body & don’t feel right in it, maybe that’s where you should be starting. Instead of trying to suppress those feelings & changing your body.


  3. Wow! Great post! I can TOTALLY relate to this person’s predicament. I too have taken low-dose testosterone (Androgel) and really was pleased with the results – increased energy, appetite, sex drive and overall sense of well being. I also have had chest surgery to become more comfortable in my own body. I don’t deny that I’m biologically female, but I am VERY Butch. I lean toward that masculine end of that stupid binary scale quite heavily. I’m just being me, I’m a biologically a woman who identifies as Butch. I often say that Butch IS my gender. I have never wanted to transition to male, but if that’s what someone must do to be comfortable then I am fine with it…to each his/her own I say.
    Thanks for posting this and reminding me that I’m not alone in this fucked up world! ~MB

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I see no conflict between radical feminism and women making body modifications.

    The only problem I have with transmen and other trans identified females is when they attack me for pointing out that I consider them women who made body modifications.

    I have naturally small breasts and testosterone in the higher female range, so can totally understand other women wanting the same.

    Hysterectomy to get rid of menstruation pains? Totally understandable!

    Still doesn’t make anyone a man, and in fact, it is fucking insulting to women who don’t identify as trans to pretend that they like dealing with painful menstruations, or large breasts that cause back pain, or whatever, as they have failed to identify out of womanhood. (Actually it is adding insult to injury, considering that women cannot get breast reductions or sterilisations, et cetera, paid for by insurance/the NHS, unless they identify as trans, in which case it is suddenly no problem whatsoever and even done to minors.)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Did I write this? lol. (No, I’m not on Reddit.)

    Yes, I agree that taking testosterone is sort of an extreme measure to feel better. But that’s exactly why I say people with various dysphorias need years of therapy, and to have tried other measures, before they choose transition. I was so dysfunctional for so long, despite trying so many other things, that the risks became worth it. (And in countries where GID is still strictly enforced, these patients show vast improvement. So I thought it was logically worth a shot.)

    Like the poster, I also struggled with the transgender ideology, because transitioning means you automatically are stuck with it. I believe people use “he” out of politeness because they know I’m n a weird category, and I’m perfectly happy to make accommodations for them (such as choosing to use a unisex bathroom) so long as I am still accommodated for as well. I really think transitioning doesn’t have to stomp all over other people’s rights and common sense.

    Liked by 1 person

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