A little writing prompt post

Hello readers!

I have been pretty quiet lately compared to usual, but no announcement of blog vacation. I’ve been dealing with anxiety again and I’ve got politics fatigue. Every time I try to write a post about something political I just decide it’s too dreadful and can’t do it. Politics, UGH. Maybe I’ve reached “peak politics.”

However, I did finish reading my introduction to Marx book and I was pleased to find out that I already knew lots about Marxist theory, I just didn’t know I knew it because I’ve never studied it officially, I’ve only picked up bits and pieces here and there. I’d say most of what I know about Marxist theory I’ve learned from feminist writing and Facebook memes. Although it seems obvious that one shouldn’t learn a political theory from memes, I have to say the memes I have been reading have actually done a pretty decent job. Thank you, leftist friends! (Don’t worry, I will still read print books, in case the memes get it wrong.)

Ah, the anxiety. After staying up all night having an anxiety attack last week, I thought the best thing to do would be to go for a nature walk. I did, and you know what, it was great. I walked slowly, and tried to breathe in rhythm with the swaying of the leaves. Several adorable woodland animals came to greet me. I watched a chipmunk filling its cheeks, and I saw a baby bunny that came out of a bush and chewed on some leaves. I saw a bird taking a bath in a puddle. The really good thing about taking the time to look at nature is that you learn to slow down. I always think I have to be busy doing something—either working at my day job, doing household chores, reading political theory, writing, etc. And I always think I have to be fast, efficient, and perfect at everything. It’s hard for me to slow down or do nothing. But I need time to slow down, or else I keep spinning right into an anxiety attack.

What I finally decided to write about today was a Pride writing prompt that someone posted on Facebook. The prompt is this: When did you first become aware of the existence of lesbians?

I think the first time I came across the word lesbian was when my parents gave me a puberty book, and there was one chapter on romantic feelings which had one paragraph on homosexuality. Luckily, it dealt with the subject in a neutral tone, just saying that some people are like this and not making any judgments. I would have been either 10 or 11 at the time.

The first time I came across any mention of homosexuality outside of a book was in the schoolyard at recess. Before I had any idea what the word meant, I heard kids call other kids “faggot.” I just knew this was a terrible thing to call somebody, probably the worst thing you could call somebody, and it seemed to be the equivalent of saying “fuck you.” When someone said this, they meant business. (It was usually boys who said it.) I think I was around 10 when I started hearing the word faggot, and then around 13 I started hearing the word dyke, which seemed to be an insult for a girl you didn’t like. I don’t remember when I found out that “faggot” was actually a pejorative word for a gay man nor when I found out that “dyke” was a pejorative word for lesbian. I was probably in my teens when I found this out.

I definitely met gay men before I met any lesbians. I had a distant relative who is a gay man and I heard my family members talk about him—they felt a little awkward but didn’t reject him. In high school I knew two guys who were dating. They were the first gay people to come out at my high school during the time when I was there. I remember going to a party and they were there, sitting together on the couch, one of them had his arm around the other. Everyone was pretty chill about it. I remember feeling a little bit of shock, just because I had never seen a man put his arm around his boyfriend before. (I say man, but I think we were all 15.) After I got over being surprised I was pretty chill.

The first time I met a lesbian I was in high school and I didn’t know she was a lesbian, but everyone called her crazy. I knew her as “Crazy Kim.” Years later I found out she was a lesbian. I also met a bisexual woman in high school. I remember being at her house once, hoping she would hit on me, but I didn’t have the courage to let her know I was interested. Sadly, she didn’t try anything. 😉

One time when I was a teenager I was at a restaurant with some of my extended family members and when we left the restaurant someone said “Did you see that table full of lesbians?” I really wanted to turn around to look, but it was too late, I couldn’t see any of the restaurant customers from outside. I wished I had seen them, I was curious about what lesbians looked like. I didn’t know how my aunt could tell they were lesbians.

The first time I actually sat and talked with someone who identified as a lesbian while actually knowing she was a lesbian was when I went to a lesbian/bi meetup in university. I was probably 20 or 21, and I was pretty nervous. But it didn’t take very long before “nervous” turned into “interested.”

Feel free to answer the same writing prompt! When did you first learn of the existence of lesbians?


23 thoughts on “A little writing prompt post

  1. I was raised in a pornified environment as a child, and I don’t know when I first became aware of the concept of lesbians, because sex was so pornified and alien to me that “lesbian” would have been as much of a disturbing abstraction as everything else sexual.

    My family did not, to my knowledge, know any lesbians, but this was never a subject I was curious about, because of all the porn.

    I worked with several lesbians at my first full-time paid job in the late 1970’s, so that was arguably the first time I became aware of lesbians, because actual lesbians!

    Three of them were out and one of them, a clear femme, was struggling, but eventually she caved in to social and likely familial pressure, and went back to Christian fundamentalism and took up with some very straight-and-narrow dude. It was painful seeing how the other women responded to this, especially her ex, an equally clear butch. 😦

    Liked by 2 people

    • It’s so sad that kids are saturated with porn. 😦 I saw woman-on-woman action in porn too, but I don’t think I ever understood them as lesbians. They were presented as straight women who were “experimenting.”

      Liked by 2 people

      • I’ve seen very little porn, it was all print media back then, and pretty much het and orgies in my case. That being what the person responsible for the porn was into. That and teenagers.

        I wish I hadn’t seen any of that, either. More than I can say.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I didn’t come across ‘lesbian’ until I started educating myself about feminism, way back in the ’80’s’. I’d always known I was into women but never had the language for what I was until then. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      • Don’t mind at all 🙂 … I was born in 1958, soooo … ** thinks quickly** … my mid twenties. I was a late bloomer. 🙂 … a ‘tom-boy’ from the bush who didn’t ‘get’ it until she moved to the Big Smoke (Sydney) and straight (if you’ll pardon the pun) into a lesbian feminist separatist household with four other lesbian feminist separatists. Talk about your steep learning curve! It was vertical. 😀 but oh so much fun. 😀

        Liked by 5 people

        • I was born in 1958 too! I’m new to this blog and I think this is the first time I’m making a comment, so be gentle with me (te he). I went to HS in the Chicago suburbs of the Midwest and nobody was out as gay or lesbian in school back then, except our really cool Drama Teacher who commuted from the “boys town” area of the NW side of the City. This guy was 6’2″ or 6’3″ at least. He was effeminate with a beard, moustache and earring, plus he would wear these 2 inch platform shoes (remember the disco era?) under his bell bottoms.

          I don’t remember when I first heard the word lesbian or faggot. But, after graduation from HS, at least 5 guys that I was friends with in Drama Club all came out as gay. I was the funny fat girl that guys weren’t interested in, so I wound up hanging out with the gay guys who socially accepted me. And, over the next 8 years I became a fag hag and got pregnant twice by my gay boyfriend. Ugh! Thank the Goddess for Roe v. Wade.

          So, I was hanging out with faggots (and we slung that word around all the time) and lesbians were pretty invisible. I didn’t run across many or become friends with any until I was middle aged and became a member of the UU Church (lots of lesbians there). That’s also when I discovered women’s spirituality and goddess worship and I’ve never looked back.

          Now the UU Church has become infiltrated with post-modernist marxist SJW politically correct authoritarian Ministers. Our old Minister of 25 years who married my husband and I in 2005 retired and we got a fresh out of ministerial school 32 year old woman who is a total handmaiden. Our church is a welcoming congregation and we’ve been experienced the trannie invasion. I was the leader of the pagan group at my church. When she got a whiff that I was gender critical, I got treated to a hysterial screaming match with her where she yelled at me that: “transgender women are women” and that because I wasn’t buying into that “you are hurting people”.

          I was censorsed, silenced and ostracized. The Committee on Ministry and the Board went along with it and I was expelled and told I couldn’t even come onto church property for the next 6 months. Then they would contact me to see if I’d changed my tune (I guess). Fuck them. And, fuck that cunt who is the Minister there: Leslie Mills of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Elgin who is indoctrinating the children there with gender confusion and is only to willing to steer children and their confused parents straight to the Sex Reassignment Clinic. Cunt.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. My parents took me to a march for gay rights in Washington, D.C. when I was… three? I think? Afterwards I asked them what “gay” meant and my mom explained that gay referred to a man who lives with another man, and lesbian referred to a woman who lives with another woman. Later on, when I was about six, my best friend’s mom lived with another woman, and I asked my mom if that meant my best friend’s mom was a lesbian. She said yes, and explained that my best friend’s mom had previously been with my best friend’s dad (who I never met, and who my best friend referred to by his first name), but they separated because she realised being in a relationship with a man was the wrong thing for her and she wanted to be in a relationship with a woman instead. That made perfect sense to me.

    It was much longer before I met any gay men and, indeed, the first one I met still thought he was straight at the time (though he very obviously wasn’t; I could tell even as an 11 year old). By that point I had already kissed a boy, although he didn’t like it very much and I was quite ashamed afterwards. >.>

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great topic. I sympathize with you about the political fatigue, I too am suffering with this. Trump is busily turning our world upside down and ruining our reputation on the world stage. It angers me and makes me very scared for the future of my life in America.

    I remember looking the word lesbian up in the dictionary when I was about 8, after hearing my mother call a woman we knew a lesbian. I knew when I read the definition that I too was lesbian. I also somehow instinctually knew that it was not something that I should broadcast, and it was something I should hide and be ashamed of. The damage that did lasted for many years.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. This might not be the FIRST first time I knew there were lesbians but I remember developing a huge crush on Angelina Jolie in the movie Foxfire. Her sexuality is ambiguous in the movie but she’s definitely woman-identified. The main character develops seemingly “complicated” feelings towards her and there is a very poignant moment in the movie where they almost kiss. I’m not sure when I found out that Jolie actually dated another one of the actresses in the movie, Jenny Shimizu, but I became very interested in girls and gay/lesbian culture at that time.

    Have you ever seen the movie The Celluloid Closet? It’s a really fantastic documentary about the portrayals of gays and lesbians in film.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. When did I first hear about lesbians? It must have been around 1981, I was 11 yrs old and the outcast of my class. But one girl would ocationally play with me, so the bullies started to call us gay. One of the “good” girls corrected them, saying the word was “lesbian”, but that it didn’t matter, we were sick either way. At 15 I read Diane Duanes “Door into fire” and was stunned by how beautiful and right she described homosexual relationships and bisexuality. I knew deep inside that THAT was how it was meant to be, that people should love who they want. About lesbians and lesbian culture IRL I learned from EMMA- magazine, and later in the women/lesbian groups that I joined.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. My mom knew I loved girls, even before I did, or at the very least could wrap her adult head around what she saw. A Mormon girl neighbor and I had huge crushes on one another starting around 10. I didn’t understand what Mormonism was as how it pertained to “our” relationship. All I knew was, anywhere or anything She did, I wanted to do. She had the most lovely slightly wavy long hair and wore the cutest dresses! I just swoooned whenever She was near.

    Our first kiss was in the driveway, the fireworks that went off I will hopefully never forget. Wherever you are Becky, hope you are happy and safe!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I honestly don’t recall exactly when and how I learnt of the existence of lesbians, though I do know I knew about homosexuality by the time I was in sixth grade, perhaps fifth. I never thought there was anything deviant or wrong about women loving other women, or men loving other men. In fact, I was bullied in junior high because I’d said gays are just like any other people, after some guy asked me what I thought of “fags.” I had to ask what that word meant before I gave him my answer. This was 1992–94, which wasn’t quite as bad as a generation or two earlier, but still not like it would be in another 10-20 years.

    My childhood sex buddy was another girl, though for some reason I completely blocked out this memory until it came back to me years later. Our mothers were quite upset to find out what we were doing, and I suspect that was the real reason we were never allowed to have a sleepover. Her mother was an Iranian immigrant who was so desperate for friends she’d overlook some oddnesses, but she still wasn’t pleased to learn about this. No matter how many times her mother in particular tried to stop our exploration, it kept happening over and over again!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I was about eight, we’d moved to England from France I didn’t know what a Lezzie was, but they made her sound hairy and scary. For several years unconsciously I avoided things that would cause me to be called a Lezzie as if it were contagious. Not growing up with a female in the household I over compensated by rebelling against the butch outfits – seeking out hideous parodies of femininity until I realized I was happiest being a dragon. Being a dragon at school was a relief, i didn’t get involved with typical gender again til around 13 when I put the crushes together and figured out why I only had girls ony wall. I still thought it may be a response to not having my mom but my first gf changed that at 15 because I felt a world apart from any dealings with the opposite gender, though they’re still fun to climb trees with 😉 what can undermine those feelings are the number of girls who are experimenting at that she and the blow emotionally when they end up with a man.

    Liked by 1 person

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