Another lesbian feels like a guy

A reader sent me this video and asked for a post about it. It’s a short documentary-style video about a lesbian who identifies as a man and has no plans to transition. Here’s the video:

She says the same thing I’ve heard 100,000 times now from women who identify as men: “Ever since I was small, I always identified more with boys, I always kind of felt more like a boy.”

As is very common in stories of women who identify as men, they turn out to be attracted to women. Gender dysphoria doesn’t just randomly strike random women. A large majority of the women who “feel like a boy” are lesbian or bisexual. This makes it really freakin’ obvious that gender dysphoria in women is often related to the difficulties of being a same-sex-attracted woman in a sexist and heteronormative society.

This particular lesbian who identifies as a man doesn’t plan to transition. This means what she is experiencing is not discomfort with her female body, it’s discomfort with the feminine gender role. She’s okay with being female, she just “isn’t a woman.”

Dear readers, please raise your hand if you feel discomfort regarding the feminine gender role.

When dressing as a woman, Lauren feels like she is in drag and like she is putting on a character. She feels this way as an actress, but she seems to be implying that that’s the way she feels about being a woman all the time. This is also a comment I’ve heard before. Some people think that “being a woman” is an act that has to be performed, involving specific dress, appearance, mannerisms, speech patterns, and behaviors. This is not true. A woman is an adult human female, and the only way to be a woman is to be born female and to grow into an adult. Anyone who is existing in a female body is “being a woman.” It turns out that women can have any kind of mannerisms, appearance, and behavior. We can have any kind of personality and thoughts and feelings. Everyone with a female body is a woman, no matter how she feels or what she wears. There is no acting involved at all.

In the video, Lauren is shown on a bus “manspreading” across her seat. This is probably supposed to display her masculine mannerisms, although she looks like a typical woman and no one would mistake her for a man.

So why does Lauren “feel like a man”? I can tell you right now. Lesbians often grow up feeling different from other women. We are often baffled at straight women’s behavior, and we often identify with the cultural stereotypes assigned to men. These days there is no on-the-ground lesbian community, so there is no way for lesbians to share their feelings with other lesbians and find out that we have similar feelings. Instead there is a “queer” community that is all too eager to label women who aren’t feminine and who vaguely and subjectively “feel different” as not-women. They can be nonbinary, or trans men, or genderqueer, or any other bloody thing. The message is clear: real women are feminine, therefore unfeminine women aren’t women. It’s the same old-school sexism that caused the last two waves of feminism, repackaged as “progressive.”

Here’s the thing: a lesbian is a female homosexual. If you are female, and you are exclusively attracted to females, you are a lesbian. Whatever feelings you have toward yourself are lesbian feelings. If you feel like hot stuff, you walk with a swagger, you like looking at the ladies, you want women to think you’re a stud, you like wearing comfortable clothes, you don’t fit into the same culture as straight women, but identify with men, you’ve always felt “different,” and you don’t meet the dominant cultural idea about what women are, then congratulations! You are a perfectly normal dyke. Your membership card’s in the mail. Welcome to the club.

11 thoughts on “Another lesbian feels like a guy

  1. Holy shit! Can trans mean anything anymore? She’s pretty much a regular woman living a regular life. Yep, she’s a lesbian, but shouldn’t that be a subcategory of “woman”, no questions asked?

    Has “woman” really been so far reduced to what pop culture and porn say it is that women like her can’t be women?

    She seems so average, and so obviously a woman.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Awesome article! I’m bisexual, I have never liked to be “feminine”, I’ve felt dominant when I was with a man, and adore beautiful women…and I’m a woman and always will be. If we allow ourselves to accept our feelings as our own, not put them through the gender filter, then we will be alright with ourselves.


  3. what is the point of this article except to pit ‘lesbian’ against ‘trans’? i’ve lived in lesbian feminist communities my entire life and if i can’t trust and respect the journeys each person takes to becoming themselves, what is the point? you can say that trans is a capitulation to patriarchal wounding and i would say that EVERYTHING WE DO is about surviving patriarchal wounding — my way is not everyone else’s way. and it’s not better. it’s just mine. i don’t find this article affirming of the queer communities and loved ones i’ve lived among for 3 decades. i’m a lesbian feminist and i support the journeys of all of my queer and trans brothers and sisters. i trust their paths a whole hellava lot more than i trust the voice in this article.


    • You have indeed missed the point of this article, and in fact you seem to have missed many important points. For example, the purpose of feminism is to liberate the female sex class from oppression, not to affirm people’s identities. Also, lesbians aren’t men.


  4. I hope someday you compile a lot of your essays into a book and get it published. This stuff is too brilliant and spot-on to only be in a blog. If you were reading these out loud you could do a mic-drop at the end of every one.

    Liked by 1 person

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