An idiotic non-binary person misgenders their coworker

This amusing anecdote has been making the rounds. A site called “Ask A Manager” offers advice on how to deal with workplace issues. In one article, a non-binary person asks a question about how to deal with a person who has an issue with being called by gender neutral pronouns.

“I’m non-binary, and I have come out in both my work and my personal life. I started a full-time job after I finished college around the same time I began coming out. Everyone at work has been cool except for one person.

“Since I came out, I have been addressing people as gender-neutral [ze, hir, mx.] I do this because there are others who are non-binary like me, but they may not be out yet and I want to be respectful and make them feel safe. The one person from my work who is not cool with me being non-binary told me to address her using female pronouns. I’m not misgendering this person, I’m using gender-neutral pronouns, not incorrect ones. However, this person corrects me every time. No one else has corrected me or said anything. This person says they respect my pronouns (true) and I need to respect theirs. I thought this person was transgender and I didn’t want to offend or upset if this was the case, but when I asked they said are not, they are cisgendered.

I went to my team lead about this, but my team lead said this person is not doing anything wrong and just because they want to be addressed with female pronouns does not make them against non-binary people. I’m thinking of talking to my manager or going to HR if that doesn’t work. This person makes me uncomfortable. What should I say? When I talk to my manager, should I bring up the fact that others may also feel uncomfortable or should I only focus my own discomfort?”


Has anyone else noticed that the same people who shout “MISGENDERING IS LITERAL VIOLENCE” seem to take no issue at all with misgendering people who aren’t trans? They have no problem with calling woman-identified masculine lesbians “closeted trans men” and they have no problem calling all sorts of women “cis” even though we don’t identify with the feminine gender role that was assigned to us. But call a trans person by the correct pronouns for their sex and you are “LITERALLY KILLING” them.

This non-binary person is calling a woman by gender neutral pronouns even though she identifies as a woman and uses female pronouns. Why isn’t this “misgendering”? WTF.

Apparently, this isn’t a matter of a nonbinary person trying to punish a coworker for being a “TERF,” because this woman respects the nonbinary person’s pronouns. It’s the nonbinary person not respecting her pronouns. And the nonbinary person wants to go to human resources to get someone else in trouble for what THEY are doing.

It’s time for another Liz Lemon over-the-top eye roll.


21 thoughts on “An idiotic non-binary person misgenders their coworker

  1. This person needs a vigorous slap upside the head and a serious dose of reality! This is the same crap I heard at Bangor Pride last year…there is no more binary! Evidently, we are all neutered “its”. It’s time to melt all the special snowflakes. This is the end cycle of our narcissism epidemic, they all have to find some way to “out special” someone else. God forbid you are ordinary or common in any way. I think it is going to take some kind of disaster (war, economic collapse, take your pick) to recalibrate these folks to what’s really important.

    Liked by 11 people

    • Agree completely! Especially like the phrase “end cycle of our narcissism epidemic”. But I think it’s going to end much more quietly.

      All of this zer, myx made-up nonsense words makes me think of people who are vegetarians in University and then stop six weeks after graduating. It’s something they’re doing because their friends are and they’re young and impressionable. And when they get older they just stop.

      Bringing the stupid nonsense pronouns into the workplace! If I had somebody like that working for me I would already be looking for how to get rid of them. Because they are flaky. They’re like somebody who comes to work and talks constantly to everyone about the endless microscopic ups and downs in their romantic relationship. And expect us all to care really a lot.

      And yeah the chutzpah of imposing her nonsense syllable words on somebody else. Good night! 🤦🏻‍♀️
      Oh and hurrah! For the woman who is resisting that. Good for her!

      Liked by 6 people

    • It can’t go on like this indefinitely. It’s just too silly.

      The medical stuff isn’t going to go away overnight, though. I still find it shocking that medical papers about medical transition standards use the phrase “living in their preferred gender role.” This is anthropology. What on earth are we doing medicalizing anthropology? How can anybody fail to see that medicine supposedly rests on biology, such as it is, and that there is no definition for “preferred gender role” outside of cultural analysis?

      I guess it’s just more convenient to believe in fake science than it is to admit that it’s all about coercion, enforcement, and breaking people down when they don’t follow the rules.

      Liked by 7 people

  2. At least the response in the article to ‘The Littlest Snowflake” was sane.
    But I echo Liz Lemon’s eye-roll and double down on it. How many knots can these ijits logic tie itself into before it explodes and they’re laying on the side of the road in a quivering heap of primordial protoplasm? And how soon can it happen!

    Liked by 4 people

    • And maybe they aren’t ready to be out, or maybe they want other damn made up pronouns so this person is really NOT respecting anyone’s boundaries. What an a-hole 😡

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s called CONTROL ISSUES. Some people have to control every little thing around them or they just aren’t happy. Sometimes it’s religion, sometimes it’s a dress code, sometimes it’s gender. As that person’s manager, I would tell that person to STFU & go back to work & call people by what THEY want to be called. & if that person can’t do that, then show them the door.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The letter-writer sounds like someone who’s under 25 and has spent way too much time on Tumblr. The response was very sensible, though I couldn’t believe how many people in the comments section were giving credence to the idea of “non-binary” and special pronouns, and claiming a bunch of other Tumblr “gender identities” for their own. I don’t know a single person over 30 who claims to be “non-binary,” “asexual,” “genderqueer,” “greysexual,” “lithromantic,” “skoliosexual,” “demiromantic,” “neutrois,” “trans-masculine,” “femme demiboy,” or whatever other labels coined by the young generation. I’ve encountered a few people in their upper twenties still claiming some of those labels, but they all began claiming them when they were under 25, and probably feel emotionally invested in them.

    I’d be really annoyed if some special snowflake kept using made-up pronouns, or “they,” to address me. It seems like that would be more of a case to be brought to the manager!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I know a few women over 40 who do, the most annoying of whom has decided that she is a “queer demisexual heteroromantic” woman. In other words, she is straight and has been faithful to her husband for the last 30 years. 😳🙄

    I also know quite a few adults over 40 who call themselves “sapiosexual”, one of whom gawked at me as I proceeded to flirt with an attractive woman while engaging her in a discussion involving art history and philosophy. Apparently, my approach works better than listing sapiosexual on a dating profile. Who would have guessed?

    I know quite a few nonbinary identifying over 40s as well, largely because the cultural space for feminine men and masculine women is being squeezed down so very hard. I’ve known someone claiming the genderqueer label since we went to college together in the 90s.

    But I also know a lot of people involved in kink, polyamory, and so forth. My circle of acquaintances is not representative.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Who would have thought that engaging in an informed discussion with someone would be more appealing than just announcing that you like smart people?

      Smart people actually talk to each other? I had no idea. I thought they just went around announcing that they were smart.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Right?! I mean who would have thought noticing and mentioning by name the art work on her tote bag could lead to conversation? Or that someone might be pleased and a little flattered by having someone comment favorably about one of her favorite artists? That totally would never lead to an interesting conversation or to exchanging social media information in order to stay in touch.

        Liked by 4 people

  6. I’m glad I don’t work in a regular job. I don’t think I could take this crap. I’m not calling anybody “zir,” let alone allowing them to call me that. For the first time, I’m wondering if people should be discriminated against in employment for this gender speshul nonsense. This preferred pronoun dictate is tyranny, and people who take that to work and subject their co-workers to it need to loosen up or be fired. I think I just found peak non-binary.


    • I’m trying to get into a regular job since I’m getting a masters in a couple of months. My field doesn’t seem to be too populated by special snowflakes. Then again, I live and go to school in a state with a high poverty rate so maybe people have real problems to deal with.

      I don’t call men “she” or “her” and I’m not memorizing a bunch of made-up words like “zir” and “mx”. How the fuck do you even pronounce the last one; it doesn’t have a vowel.


      • I vote for “mix”, it seems most fitting.

        But I think in many languages that don’t usually write vowels, each dialect pronounces the vowels differently. So, applying that rule, you could just choose – max, mex, mox, mux, whatever.

        It is ridiculous.

        Just to add one experience; I was misgendered as MALE by a nonbinary person who went completely rabid at the slightest suggestion she might actually be, you know, an adult human female.
        Think beginning a letter with “Dear Sirs” when you could write “Dear Sir or Madam” because you find it too awkard to add “or madam”.

        In retrospect, perhaps I should have thrown a temper tantrum and demanded that the pronouns fairy/elf/selkieself are used (and correcty!) but I just can’t believe someone would actually go along with that idiotic nonsense.

        Liked by 1 person

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