I support you 100%, Born Wrong.


I was really lucky that, when my dissociative defenses started gradually crumbling around me, other women had already been organizing around the experience of stopping transition- other women who have lived it. If it wasn’t for the community that existed because of their hard work, I doubt I would have stopped transition any time soon. The alternatives to community created “for us, by us” looked a lot gnarlier to me than continuing to pretend I was a man on the inside.

For example, my main exposure to criticism of transition, while I was transitioning, was a certain blogger who loves to post photo roundups of unfortunate FTM souls. Seeing post-op pictures of actual people’s actual chests and genitals, that they live with every day, shared nonconsensually (yeah, they were already online, but they were sensitive pictures not shared with any intention of being consumed as anti-trans media) strongly reinforced the…

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20 thoughts on “strategy

  1. Two comments.

    But. Why. Transition. In the first place?

    TERFS. The slur is so widely cast around that no one is reading past that. But, the trans movement is damaging women and especially lesbians. It is doing stuff all for feminism.


    • Yes, the trans movement is doing damage to women as a group, and lesbians as a group, which is why I’m against their politics. But that doesn’t mean we should be hostile toward individuals who transition. They are in pain and transition is the best solution they can come up with to deal with it. Behaving in a hostile way toward women who are hurting is not helpful, it’s just kicking someone while she’s down.


      • There’s a definite distinction between trans females and trans males in terms of who I extend empathy and the benefit of the doubt to. I think it’s obvious that neither society in general nor the trans movement is benefitting FTMs. I see a lot of feminists acting as though transition is in a whole other class of “betrayal” or “anti feminism” or “male identification”, and as born wrong points out, it’s kind of a double standard where extreme femininity-compliance is judged less harshly that the reverse. I don’t know. I never used to feel this way about legitimate radical feminist critiques of transgenderism, but lately I’ve been noticing a totally unnecessary degree of self righteousness. Is it because FTMs are presumed to be lesbians (and on some level are already thought of as abnormal)? Is it because people think they’re just young and stupid? I don’t think other women, even traumatized women (like dv victims for example), have to deal with this kind of scrutiny of their personal lives and choices.

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s an interesting point. Does the outrage come from a sense of betrayal of solidarity on the part of those who attempt to opt out? Or is it just resentment at any sort of gender-enforcing behavior?


        • I never considered transition, but I was a tomboy into my teenage years, and frankly never felt that other girls and women had any solidarity with ME. Only as an adult was I able to look back and understand the context we were all living in and why I was the subject of such vicious gender policing from my mother and my female friends. I know that’s not an uncommon experience for lesbians, and that a lot of FTMs feel alienated from womanhood in part because of how other women treat them. So the conversation on solidarity and betrayal really has to start there, Imo.

          Liked by 1 person

        • This, too, is an excellent point. I wasn’t gender policed by my family, they were hippies, they didn’t care. Other children found me confusing, though. By the time I was about 14 I was all “dresses, nope” and since it was apparantly too complicated to kick the top-scoring student out of the high school, they changed the dress code (bows).

          I would just have soon stayed home and read and climbed trees and skated around on the lake when the ice was really too thin, and played my guitar, anyway.

          I never did much bond with girls, aside from the rare other oddball. When I was a bit younger I’d be all; “no, I don’t want to play dolls, I want to sneak up on the garage roof and fight with the neighbor boys.”

          In another time and place, they would have transed me in a heartbeat, and I would have probably said “okay, whatever it takes.” That doll shit was scary.


        • Obviously I’m someone who scrutinizes transgenderism a lot, but I don’t agree with yelling at individual people that they’re “betraying all women” or “destroying the lesbian community,” because these sorts of statements are hyperbole and they only amount to being a jerk, really. Trans people (FtMs at least) are in a lot of pain, and to tell them they are betraying all women is just adding to their pain without accomplishing anything. I don’t see anyone yelling at women with anorexia or women who get breast implants or Botox that they’re betraying all women. Besides, feminism is not about policing individual women’s choices, it’s a structural analysis of women’s oppression that can be used to make material changes in the world to benefit women as a group.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. Brilliant and beautiful piece. I’m not F to M but I so relate. For feminism to succeed feminists need to deepen their understanding of trauma, preferably starting with their own.

    I also feel that the blog you mentioned is extremely divisive and has a very abusive edge to it. It’s such a shame that feminists and lesbians abuse each other in this way.

    Survival comes first. I come from a background of having been trafficked and although I came out as a lesbian at an early age, in order to extract myself from the Network I had to temporarily leave the lesbian community behind and enter into a marriage. At the time it was the only way available to me to save my life. It was a rotten abusive marriage to a male perpetrator but for me it was like going from the fire to the frying pan. But now according to some, I’m a straightbian traitor?

    We’re still alive sister and that’s what’s important. Thanks for speaking out, and in such an eloquent way.


  3. dirt isnt bad. even if she seems harsh its just bc she is trying to wake people up to the reality of how violent the trans movement is but thats just my view.


    • I have some of the same concerns as she does, but I don’t agree with her tactics. In particular, I don’t agree with her re-posting pictures of people’s surgeries without their permission, especially those who are underage. It’s harassment and it’s not acceptable.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree and part of the problem is no one is recognising the differing motivation of adult men wishing to live as sexualised extrovert women and teenage girls wishing to disappear behind short hair and binders. A much more sophisticated debate needs to happen for people to recognise Trans is not a collective noun with a shared meaning. Just look at which group dominates in the media.

    Liked by 4 people

  5. What is your background? How old are you?I’m questioning currently how I even started following in the first place and would appreciate knowing more about the person with such controversial ( at best) beliefs


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