“Safer sex” guide for trans people is unprofessional and unsafe

This is a post about a new “Safer Sex” guide for trans people. Thanks to our friend Donesoverydone for the link. From the HRC article introducing the guide:

 “Today, the HRC Foundation, the educational arm of the nation’s largest lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer (LGBTQ) civil rights organization, and Whitman-Walker Health, a community health center with special expertise in LGBTQ and HIV-related care, released Safer Sex for Trans Bodies, a comprehensive sexual health guide for transgender and gender expansive people and their partners. The guide fills a significant gap in inclusive, publicly-available sexual health resources for transgender and gender expansive people.

This first-of-its kind resource was drafted by HRC and Whitman-Walker Health in consultation with Casa Ruby, Trans United Fund, and TransLatin@ Coalition. It was made possible with support from the Elton John AIDS Foundation.”

I read through it and although there’s a couple of good points in it (such as “use a condom” and “don’t have sex with a drunk person”), most of it is a train wreck. To do a full critique of this guide would probably turn into an entire dissertation, so I’m just going to focus on a few particular things, mostly involving the renaming of body parts and the inclusion of BDSM and “transactional sex” (prostitution). There’s some information in there about preventing HIV using certain drugs, and I am not informed in the area of HIV drugs so I will not comment on that, but that is surely an interesting conversation too.

The guide begins by defining some terms:

“We, as trans people, use a variety of words to describe our gender and our body parts, and these words can be very unique and personal. There’s no one right way to refer to our bodies, but to keep things consistent in this guide, we’ve decided to use the following words in the following ways.

TRANS: Anyone and everyone who feels they are part of the transgender community, including folks who identify outside of the gender binary. Being trans does not necessarily mean that you have had surgery, want to transition or use specific pronouns. It’s all about how you understand yourself.”

Right…so anyone can be trans for any reason. This definition leaves it so wide open that the term is completely meaningless. “It’s all about how you understand yourself” could mean absolutely anything. Reading through this guide makes me think that “trans” probably refers to “people who want to rename their body parts.”

“TRANSFEMININE: Anyone who was assigned male at birth and now identifies with femininity.

TRANSMASCULINE: Anyone who was assigned female at birth and now identifies with masculinity.”

Fair enough. You can be male and identify with femininity. You can be female and identify with masculinity. That’s fine! It’s not a problem and it doesn’t require a solution.

The next section is where it gets real fun. Just to warn you now, you might spit out your coffee (or burn down civilization) when you read this next part.

“PARTS: We use this word when we’re talking about genitals or sexual anatomy of any kind.

DICK: We use this word to describe external genitals. Dicks come in all shapes and sizes and can belong to people of all genders.

FRONT HOLE: We use this word to talk about internal genitals, sometimes referred to as a vagina. A front hole may self-lubricate, depending on age and hormones.

STRAPLESS: We use this word to describe the genitals of trans women who have not had genital reconstruction (or “bottom surgery”), sometimes referred to as a penis.

VAGINA: We use this word to talk about the genitals of trans women who have had bottom surgery.”

Where to even start with this shit show?

Medical/psychological professionals should use correct clinical words at all times. One of the marks of professionalism is using the correct terminology for your field. These words like “front hole” and “strapless” are fucked up things that people say about their genitals when they are dissociating from their bodies and trying to imagine themselves as someone else. They are also words that only make sense in the context of the porn-soaked sex-pozzie movement. It is completely wrong for medical/psychological professionals to take people’s coping mechanisms and creepy reinterpretations of their genitals and turn them into terminology in a health guide.

This is the entire issue with transgenderism, of course. Gender dysphoria is the only condition where a medical professional will affirm someone’s coping mechanisms as an “identity” instead of treating their underlying issues. Once upon a time, I went to counselling because I believed I was stupid and worthless. They didn’t affirm my identity as a stupid person and try to get me legally labelled as having an intellectual disability, they recognized that I had low self-esteem and helped me with that, like professionals do, and I am now a healthy and happy person.

Now what mental health professionals are doing is just taking the words of people with mental health issues at face value when they reinterpret reality, and inscribing that faulty interpretation into law, medicine, education, and health care. It’s fucking scary.

The word vagina has been taken away from women and given to men. A woman’s vagina is called a “front hole” while an inverted penis is called a vagina. Men have always wanted to own vaginas. Even the word vagina means “sheath for a sword” because men appropriate vaginas for their own uses, believing that they exist for them to stick their penises into. But vaginas actually exist to allow a passage from the uterus to the outside of the body to allow menstrual blood and babies to exit the uterus. The transwoman who gets a surgically created hole in his body sort of does have a “sheath for a sword,” because that’s all it is—it’s not a birth canal. The term “front hole” would be more accurately used on a transwoman’s hole than on a real woman’s vagina. Our vaginas are not just holes, and calling it that is disrespectful.

A transwoman’s penis is called a “strapless” as a way of comparing his penis to a strap-on dildo. Presumably, a transwoman’s penis is a dildo that doesn’t require a harness. This term would surely be used by a transwoman who is attracted to women and thinks of himself as a “lesbian.” Transwomen cannot be lesbians because lesbians are females who are attracted to females. A male penis is not a dildo and does not resemble one in the slightest. A dildo is an inanimate object that lesbians use to pleasure each other, and a penis is a male organ that is a part of the male body. Although lesbians may be interested in dildos, we are not interested in penises. Calling a transwoman’s penis a “strapless” can definitely be seen as insulting to lesbians.

“Don’t assume that every person you meet—trans or otherwise—will use or understand these words. In most cases, the best thing you can do is ask which words a person uses to describe their body. Remember: Our bodies are our own to name and use.”

You’re not just supposed to ask for a person’s pronouns anymore, you have to also ask what words they call their body parts. Dating one of these people must be a mine field.

There are quotes from trans people throughout the guide, and here’s one from “Cole, 29, male (FtM)”:

“Call it my dick, and don’t hesitate when you say it, because that’s how I know what you think and how you feel about what you’re saying. Don’t say cunnilingus, say head. Use the words you would use for any other guy. …My body is different. Chances are good that I have more experience with it than you, or anyone. I probably know what feels good. Whether that’s what I like to be called… or how I want to be touched.”

This is fascinating. What do women gain from calling their clitoris a “dick”? How does it change their sexual experience? What does the word “dick” mean for them? When this person says “that’s how I know how you feel about what you’re saying” what does she think her partner feels? Obviously the word “dick” carries a meaning for these folks about how they feel about their clits, and I’d sure like to know what that feeling is. My TERFy advice, of course, is that however you experience and relate to your clitoris, you are a normal female. Any way a female feels is a female feeling.

Look at how they throw in these fake terms for genitals when talking about STIs:

“Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are infections that are passed from person to person through sexual contact, primarily through bodily fluids (e.g., blood, breast milk, front hole or anal fluids, semen/cum and pre-cum). While STIs are generally curable or treatable, they can cause serious health problems if left ignored and untreated.”

Front hole fluids! Jaysus. I’m surprised they are even allowed to say “breast milk.” Shouldn’t they say “chest milk”? They’re probably gonna get in trouble with the breastfeeding FtMs over this one.

Here is a paragraph about condoms that becomes completely incoherent to anyone not fluent in Trans Speak:

“A glove can also be turned into a barrier that accommodates a dick exposed to hormones or a smaller strapless. You can make this combo dental dam/condom (a condam!) from a glove by cutting a line up the pinky-finger side, removing the fingers (but be sure not to cut the thumb) of the glove, and placing the thumb hole over the dick or strapless. This way you can lick, suck or stimulate all the sensitive parts in that area.”

So to translate this into English, you can make a combination condom/dental dam by cutting the fingers (but not the thumb) from a glove. The thumb of the glove goes over the protruding genitals and the “hand” part of the glove covers the surrounding area. This works well for a penis that has been reduced by female hormones, or a clitoris that has been enlarged by male hormones. This is good advice, actually, however incoherently written.

This guide talks about consent, which is good, but look how they throw in a sentence about “transactional sex.”

“Consent is the enthusiastic, mutual and voluntary agreement to do whatever activity you’re discussing. Giving consent is an ongoing process: You always have the right to say “yes” or “no” to any sexual activity regardless of whether you’ve done it before, whether you know your partner really likes it or whether you’re in the middle of doing it. We also recognize that transactional sex complicates consent. If at any point you change your mind about doing something, you should say so and your partner needs to stop.”

Whoa! “We also recognize that transactional sex complicates consent.” Is that maybe because “transactional sex” is a euphemism for prostitution, where a man who feels entitled to using another person’s body for sexual gratification pays money to a vulnerable person for the use of her/his body? Yeah, that fucking complicates consent, seeing as it’s not consensual sex at all when someone is paying you. When two people mutually decide to have sex because they actually want to, nobody pays anyone.

In their section on communication, they talk about “transactional sex” again:

“We recognize that communication can be complicated with transactional sex partners. In some cases, the recognition of the sex transaction can actually help frame sexual negotiation, but power and control dynamics can also make this more challenging. Hopefully, ongoing communication can help us have sexual experiences where we all feel safe and respected.”

Yeah, the power and control dynamics make communication of consent in “transactional sex” (prostitution) more challenging, because johns believe they are owed anything they want once they’ve paid their money and do not believe in the humanity of prostituted persons. (Or in some cases, they do believe in their humanity and specifically get off on dehumanizing someone they know is human.) The one who pays the money is the one who gets to decide, because that is the person with the power. If the people were on equal footing, there would be no exchange of currency. Once again, this is medical/psychological professionals affirming the coping mechanisms of vulnerable people. Prostituted people have to believe they can be safe and in control in a situation with a john, because without this belief, they wouldn’t be able to do what they have to do. But they aren’t in control as long as they have to fulfill other people’s wishes for money, and whenever a john feels like being violent, he gets away with it, because of his power.

This brings us to my next issue with this guide. There is a BDSM section! There seems to be a correlation between trans and BDSM. (Even a bloody summer camp for trans people has a BDSM workshop at it.) They introduce the BDSM section by specifically recommending it for people who don’t like using their genitals during sex:

“While plenty of us feel comfortable using our parts during sex, it’s also ok if you don’t feel comfortable doing that. Luckily, sexuality is broad, and there are lots of ways to be sexual without using your parts at all.”

If this paragraph just stood alone, I would be all for it. Like, if you don’t feel like you can have genital sex there are other ways to be intimate, like kissing, cuddling, and massage—which are all wonderful activities to do with a partner. But those sorts of things just don’t appeal to sex-pozzies, who are only into performance and transaction and being cool and edgy. What this paragraph is actually doing is recommending BDSM for people who can’t use their genitals during sex. And who can’t use their genitals during sex? People who are traumatized and disassociating from their bodies. Obviously the cure for trauma and disassociation is acting out scenes of violence or enacting actual violence!

“BDSM is short for Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism, and encompasses a huge array of activities that some of us do for fun, sometimes in a sexual way. And of course, because many of these activities don’t involve our parts, they’re generally very low risk for transmitting STIs! However, there are some higher-risk BDSM activities that may expose you and your partner(s) to bodily fluids, including blood. All of these activities require a high level of skill and communication, and should not be attempted without mentorship or supervision by a more experienced person in the BDSM community. And since blood can transmit STIs, including HIV and Hepatitis C, these activities also require safety precautions to prevent transmission. Always use sterile needles, knives or blades; wipe up excess blood with a single-use cotton ball dipped in rubbing alcohol; and avoid cutting or touching any open sores on the skin. Because BDSM activities can involve very intense physical sensations as well as scenarios where people are reacting in situation-specific ways, most people use a safeword to indicate when a boundary has been crossed or when play should stop. Accordingly, a safeword is usually a word that you would not ordinarily say during play, such as “red,” “pineapple” or even “safeword.” You should always discuss your safeword with your partner(s) BEFORE beginning any kind of BDSM activity.”

(Emphasis mine.) In my official capacity as a Vanilla Supremacist Kink-Shaming Shitlord, allow me to offer some better advice than this: DO NOT USE NEEDLES, KNIVES OR BLADES DURING SEX. If anyone wants to use weapons on you or harm you during sex, that person is abusive and is not a safe person to be around. The safest thing for you to do is get as far away from that person as possible. There should never be a reason to have to wipe up blood during sex, unless you are on your period and it’s menstrual blood.

Here’s how they describe the changes that testosterone makes in female bodies:

“Many transmasculine people taking testosterone will notice an increased sex drive, and your orgasms may feel stronger and more intense. It may, however, be harder for your front hole to get wet once you start taking testosterone, so it’s especially important to use lube to prevent tearing during sex. Tearing in your front hole can make you particularly susceptible to contracting STIs. Testosterone also causes your dick to grow (up to a couple of centimeters) and after a while, you will stop getting a regular period. If you are taking testosterone and having sex with someone who produces sperm and has not had their tubes tied (a vasectomy), even if you’re not getting your period regularly, you can still get pregnant. The only exception is if you’ve had your uterus and/or ovaries removed, your fallopian tubes tied or blocked, or effective contraception is being used. Again, feel free to ask your healthcare provider if you are concerned about causing an unwanted pregnancy.”

Thanks goodness they at least mention that trans men can become pregnant. No matter how masculine a female may feel, her female body creates a baby when sperm fertilizes her ovum.

Here are some surgeries that transmasculine people can get:

“Mastectomy/Chest Reconstruction: Remove excess tissue from the chest and masculinize its shape
Hysterectomy: Remove the uterus and sometimes the cervix
Bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy: Remove the ovaries and fallopian tubes
Vaginectomy: Remove the front hole
Metoidioplasty: Free a dick exposed to hormones from the ligaments in the labia to let it hang lower
Phalloplasty: Form a larger dick (with implant for creating an erection) using skin grafted from the arm, back, or thigh After metoidioplasty or phalloplasty, you may sometimes pee a teaspoon’s worth of fluid during sex. When you wear an external condom, make sure to pinch the tip to make space for the fluid. If a condom doesn’t fit snugly, but a finger cot is too small for your dick, you can use a cock ring to keep a condom in place.”

Breasts are “excess tissue.” A vaginectomy removes the “front hole.” Shouldn’t it be called frontholectomy? What’s the ‘vag’ in vaginectomy anyway? Could it be VAGINA? (But above they said only transwomen had vaginas!) Metoidioplasty: free your dick from your labia! You don’t want those pesky labia in the way of your “dick” when you’re trying to be all manly! And phalloplasty, where to get started on that? You can watch an actual phalloplasty being performed on YouTube. Surgeons take a large chunk of skin from a woman’s arm or leg and roll it into a cylinder and sew it onto her genitals. It does not resemble a penis in the slightest, nor does it work the way a penis does. It looks like a cylinder of arm flesh sewn onto a female. It comes with complications such as “persistently high rates of urethral fistulas and strictures.” Phalloplasty is an absolutely terrible idea. Even in this guide they admit you might pee a little during sex!

Let’s summarize the problems with this “safer sex guide,” shall we?

  • Normalizing the terminology of the trans cult that reimagines body parts as something else
  • Making it sound as though prostitution is basically acceptable and just makes communication slightly more challenging
  • Promoting BDSM and making it sound as though it’s okay to use weapons to injure people during sex as long as they’re sterile weapons
  • Promoting surgeries that have high risks of complications that put the patient’s health at risk

This doesn’t look like a safer sex guide to me. This looks like more trans propaganda that attempts to normalize the dysfunctional behavior of people who are struggling with trauma and disassociation, and that steers them toward more trauma and more disassociation rather than steering them toward health.

The way to have a healthy sex life is to love and accept your body and your self as you are and to have respectful and healthy relationships with people who care about you, while protecting yourself and your partner from STIs and pregnancy using the same methods that everyone else uses. This guide does not help with that. All it does is reflect people’s mistaken beliefs back at them, which is an unhelpful and unprofessional thing to do.


112 thoughts on ““Safer sex” guide for trans people is unprofessional and unsafe

  1. For a long time I really respected and supported the HRC for backing gay marriage and all. But publishing something full of “dick” and “front holes”? Really? My mom doesn’t even let me say dick in her presence. Like could they be any more disrespectful towards actual physical bodies.

    I can’t even touch the prostitution and KNIVES DURING SEX being cool. Maybe on some backwater tumblr blog but the HRC? The Human Rights Campaign? REALLY??

    Liked by 6 people

  2. PSF, another great blog post! I agree with every word you have written. Your take is dead on! This guide is disrespectful propaganda and dangerous. The lack of proper medical terminology is appalling and disrespectful. How strange that only men have real vaginas and women have “front holes.” Misogynist much? I mean, basically they are implying that women are so defective that only men can have real female genitals, and we are cheap imitations of their surgical alterations. Backwards much?! Wow. Insulting. I will never donate to HRC or Elton John’s foundation. And the sections on prostitution and BDSM are beyond words. “Transactional sex” my ass! Everything is a euphemism with these guys. They are hookers! Let’s call a spade a damned shovel. Of course, no one should be hurting anyone either. The advice should be to seek help as needed — from the police and / or medical community and / or psych help. Unbelievable! Irresponsible! Who proofread and approved this drivel?!

    Liked by 9 people

  3. This actually makes me want to cry. It might be safer sex (apart from the knives and needles and blades and prostitution) but it doesn’t sound pleasurable or enjoyable or as though those participants can actually just be in the moment if they’re tying themselves in such knots over what their genitalia are.

    Liked by 6 people

    • Nothing is safe about prostitution. It is one of the most dangerous “professions” in the world. If the diseases don’t get them, the Johns will. What legit profession has such a high murder rate? Such a high rate of attracting sadistic serial killers? It is all about dehumanization. Murder and sensational crimes aside, more mundane abuse (assault, boundary violations) is pretty standard in prostitution. In fact, that is what the John is paying for.

      Liked by 9 people

  4. What happens when you surgically remove a vagina? Do people really have this done? Don’t they usually just stick with clitoral modification?

    This kind of amateur publishing is just so unethical.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I wonder that too, how bizarre! In the worst cases of FMG they do sew the vagina closed, which of course is horrific and causes a multitude of health problems. It was my understanding that the outer labia got implants or somethings to make them look like testicles..oh it’s just unimaginable what is going through these people’s minds. I cancelled my regular HRC donation because of this.

      Liked by 2 people

        • This is not for the squeamish:

          I’ve actually seen this done to a female with bladder/urethra/cervical cancer and, without too much detail, the surgeon essentially cut away the perineum and then created a flap with skin from her buttocks and yes, it failed, because ‘infection.’ Not a very ‘clean’ area to start with…honestly, she’d have been better off without the procedure.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Wouldn’t they have to remove all the internal organs connected to the vagina, and all vaginal tissue for this to be remotely … “safe”? Which, of course, would make this major surgery, and even more unsafe.
          I mean, the vagina doesn’t produce much waste apart from menstruations, but there is some. and it needs to be able to get out.

          Liked by 1 person

        • The vagina is not sewed completely closed, even in the worst cases of FGM, known as “infibulation.” They do leave a small outlet for menstrual blood during infibulation. Malpractice is not a thing in poor African and Arab countries where this is done, especially in light of the fact that the people doing FGM are rarely actual doctors, and are therefore are not subject to medical malpractice lawsuits anyway. They are often female relatives, untrained “midwives,” or even barbers. They usually do the procedure with a regular razor blade.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. So “trans” is now as meaningless, pointless, obnoxious and stupid as “queer”. Quelle surprise.
    “Remember: Our bodies are our own to name and use.” Fine, just keep them the fuck away from everyone else’s, you goddamn language-abusing, rapist males.

    “In my official capacity as a Vanilla Supremacist Kink-Shaming Shitlord,”
    I wanna join this club!

    Liked by 8 people

  6. This reminds me of the woman I met in college who is now female to trans. She recently posted something on Facebook about how she is trying 30 days binder-free, because the binder is hurting her back and she wants to challenge societal ideas of an acceptable male body. It reminds me of what destroyyourbinder is saying, except she hasn’t made the jump to accepting her female body and seeing her internalized hatred. It’s hard to watch, because underneath this challenge is her wanting to accept her body, but I’m not sure if she can achieve that if she insists on seeing herself as a male.

    She posted something on day 5 or so about how to feel more comfortable about one’s gynecomastia. And I’m thinking: you don’t have gynecomastia, you have breasts!

    I really hope she watches out for breast cancer and other female health issues in the future, but if she can’t admit she doesn’t have gynecomastia, I’m not too hopeful.

    It just seems so unnecessary and problematic to go through life thinking you have gynecomastia when you really just have boobs.

    Liked by 6 people

  7. Pingback: Who gets to name the parts - Butterflies and Wheels

  8. They could have just titled the guide “How To Have Terrible Sex When You Hate Yourself”. At least then it would have been honest.

    What I keep coming back to is that look, obviously most people want sex, but asking a partner to go along with all this stuff? That’s really a lot to ask. If I’m going to learn a whole new vocabulary in order to make sex with a partner work I’d rather it be as part of an actual language that I can then also use to communicate with other people from the same country, get jobs that aren’t accessible to me without knowing that language, travel more easily, and so on. Why would I want to learn an entirely new vocabulary in order to make sex with a particular possible when it doesn’t sound like sex either of us would enjoy much anyway, I’m not attracted to that person, and I could easily go out and find dozens of potential partners who I can have sex with without getting out a glossary and without the cognitive dissonance that would be caused by looking at a penis and calling it a “strapless”, or calling someone else’s vagina a “front hole” while cringing at how misogynistic that sounds? What is the motivation for me to do any of this supposed to be?

    Liked by 8 people

    • It makes some sense for FtT who are attracted to males, I guess. There are dozens of men who want to have sex with women, yes, but how many of those men would respect her boundaries? Making him learn an entirely new vocabulary could work as a kind of test of his willingness to respect boundaries.

      I mean, I would immediately end a relationship with someone who refers to my genitals by rude, misogynist terms, as I would see this as symptom of an underlying attitude. Language IS important.

      For MtT I don’t have any sympathy. Males have enough power in patriarchy, they don’t need to feel even more powerful by forcing their own vocabulary on someone else. (I mean, they are already doing that. Male power over language is completely out of proportion, especially considering that women allegedly talk more, and I would guess write more books in absolute numbers.) Moreover, calling a penis by a name that implies it does not put women at risk of pregnancy is a lie, in a way that calling a clitoris a dick is not. Both are untrue, but only the obscuring of the risk involved in having sex with a penis affects a person negatively.

      Liked by 2 people

    • I don’t know how ANYONE could refer to their genitalia as a ‘front hole’ and not have that add to their hatred of it. What a disgusting phrase. “Front hole fluids” literally made me gag. For a moment, reading their gross terminology nearly made ME feel dysphoric in my body.

      As for the trans “vagina” no, lol. As already pointed out, they don’t have any of the rest of the parts that come with (ovaries, uterus, internal portion of the clit, etc), but beyond that, their surgically-created non-vagina … doesn’t actually do anything? It’s just a hole in their bodies. They have to manually lube it up and they also have to keep sticking things in it so it won’t close up like a wound… since that’s really what it is.

      The levels of projection required to call a female vagina a “front hole” and an inverted trans penis a “vagina” is almost funny if it wasn’t so sad. They literally have it the wrong way around.


  9. Also, the BDSM part – it’s one thing to suggest adding that stuff to your sex life (and yes, insert disclaimers here), but that’s not even what they’re suggesting. What they’re saying seems to be that if you’re so dissociated from your body that you just can’t bring yourself to let someone touch your genitals, or touch someone else’s, then you should just replace that with cutting people with knives or sticking needles in them or whatever. So not “add these elements like you might add condiments to a meal”, but just straight up replace sex with pain as if pain and orgasm were interchangeable things. They’re not. Even people who’re pro kink should understand that. Telling a person who’s already consumed with self-loathing to do that? You might as well just hand them the knife yourself.

    Liked by 6 people

    • I am just agog that a big, important “human rights” org would write approvingly of hurting oneself and others, and engaging in prostitution, and never once suggest resources to get counseling, disease testing, psychiatrists, support groups, shelters, and other forms of help, especially lower-cost resources / sliding scale. Surely, not everyone engaged in harming themselves and others, or prostituting themselves, is really happy in this situation. Why not help them to exit if they want, instead of just making them slightly more safe in fundamentally harmful circumstances? These are feel-good measures that don’t go to the root. This guide was not just harm reduction info, which I have no issue with, but it seemed to be normalizing these practices, and ignoring the actual mental health needs of people who self-harm in this manner. Vulnerable people have a human right to protection from predators. Do NOT support the HRC!

      Liked by 6 people

  10. Vanilla Supremacist Kink-Shaming Shitlord here, too… Having endured PTSD-inducing pain (on disability now) I can never get my head around how some people find pain arousing. That is, I can understand it on an intellectual level, but not really. I’m talking about masochism here. Sadism is easier to understand, but still gives me the heebee jeebees… Thank you for an excellent article! Even though your description of phalloplasty will sit in my head for the rest of the day, if not longer. I am a wuzz.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. They can have the word vagina. I wasn’t ever quite happy with it, anyway. I sure don’t have a sheath for a sword anywhere on my body! Let’s make up some better term. Front-hole is NOT a better term.

    ” What does the word “dick” mean for them? When this person says “that’s how I know how you feel about what you’re saying” what does she think her partner feels? Obviously the word “dick” carries a meaning for these folks about how they feel about their clits, and I’d sure like to know what that feeling is.”

    I suppose that they feel vulnerable about their clits, and the word “dick” make them feel more powerful. It is also possible they want their partner to feel vulnerable (assuming their partner is female she’d be at risk of pregnancy from a real dick.) Or, if the partner is male, he’d not see them as vulnerable? Which, I suppose, would help them feel safer.
    It is understandable they feel safer imagining they have a dick, not a clit. But since it is not true, this feeling of safety is false.

    Liked by 3 people

    • That theory might work on an emotional level because the phallus represents power, but on a physical level the penis is the weaker organ (more easily hurt.) I think the word dick gives them a sense of masculinity and also makes their sexuality feel outwardly directed rather than being a “receptacle.”

      Liked by 3 people

      • Yes, you’re probably right. Maybe I meant “middle ages.” I just look around me and see that we’re moving in reverse. All this anti science, anti reality is a way of the status quo reasserting itself and it’s extremely disturbing that it’s being pushed as something progressive. I’m surprised this “safer” sex guide doesn’t advise people to use leeches to balance their humors.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Can’t connect with your body during sex because you’re too busy pretending that it has different genitalia? Shut yourself/your partner in an Iron Maiden for kicks! Next up, the safe, sane, and consensual usage of thumbscrews.

      (Witch/TERF burning scheduled for Saturday on the village green as usual.)

      Liked by 4 people

  12. Appalling and stupid.

    How did all this become “normalized”? In countries around the world and especially in the United States, children who receive what is called “comprehensive sexuality education” (or some variant of that term) in schools are being indoctrinated heavily in trans cult talking points as well as in the complete acceptability of risky sexual practices.

    You may not like the conservative “messenger” of this 11-minute video; you may disagree that some of these things are “wrong”; and it may challenge your views about certain organizations, but it will show you just how outrageously bad “sex education” has become. Many parents are not aware of what their kids are being taught. School-based “wellness centers” also actively promote this agenda.


    Is it any wonder there have been such large increases in confused adolescents and young adults jumping aboard the trans train? They have been primed in school for years to do so.

    About the drastic surgical mutilations craved by trans cult participants: They describe these as “the basic healthcare they need to survive.”

    Tragic and horrible all around.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. They’re using “vagina” where they mean “vulva” again just like all the other ignorant people out there. Yawn.

    Yes, there are at least a couple drugs that are supposed to significantly reduce HIV transmission. The protocol is called PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). We have a fairly decent HIV/AIDS treatment center here in my town and they talk about it a lot. If it were me knowingly having sex with an HIV+ person, though, I think I’d make them wear a condom anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Holy Mother of Goddess, I had to read that through about 4 times to make sense of the contradictions. (Not PS’s – the bits she quoted)

    On the other hand, the next time someone tells me to suck his dick (I had this at work just last year from a bloody 20 something male engineering grad – he did get shat upon by all the older blokes but the fact he felt comfortable saying it to a woman at work, older than his Mum and quite a few pay grades up the scale…) well I’m gonna make a complaint to HR that he’s being disrespectful to the trans. I suspect it will be dealt with more seriously than if I made a complaint in my own right.

    He should obviously be yelling at me ‘Suck my strapless part’ (if I’ve got that all straight in my head.)

    And sorry but front hole / vagina? Cool, step over here, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. Going cheap this week. And you can suck my 1 inch dick at the same time, I feels like a man this week.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. I kind of get what they were trying to do here. I and a group of classmates wrote a ‘safer injection’ manual as a class project for nursing school. It was weird, using the phrase ‘cook your shit, don’t bang it*!’, but we also pointed out it is hella safer to not use injection drugs and included resources for people who wanted to get sober. I like to think we did it in a non-judgemental, supportive way. This guide, however? Um, enabling…

    *I’m old, OK?

    Liked by 5 people

  16. May I suggest that we declare the use of the term ‘vagina’ to be deprecated, and replaced with the more exact and meaningful term ‘birth canal’. There is nothing in female anatomy that was ever intended to be used as a ‘sheath’. One can see why males would shy away from the term ‘birth canal’.

    Liked by 5 people

      • I agree completely. For one thing this then pushes attention back to the vulva. As in: But the birth canal is way up inside! What about the other bits?
        Response: That’s called the fucking VULVA and always was!

        Vagina meaning “sheath for a sword”?! 😵😵😵 I’ve been a feminist for over 40 years and I never knew that. And oh my goodness is it ever repulsive. So definitely we should change it. The only downside to that is we’ll lose the word Vagenda! As in the phrase the Vagenda of Manocide! Which I think an MRA made up but somebody I know on Twitter uses it for her username now. 😊

        As for the surgical things talked about in the post and in the comments, when will this fucking end? None of this is medically ethical. As well as just being completely fucking crazy. Good opportunity to mention again that drugs are tested for ‘safety and efficacy’. Surgical operations or not. They are completely unregulated. Well known fact to med. watchers.

        Liked by 3 people

        • I picked up on this linguistic trivia awhile back and was equally fascinated. “Vagina” is a younger word than “cunt,” “vagina” means “thing you stick a sharp object into,” while “cunt” just meant “vulva” and was in common usage in the region of its origin, until it gradually became pejorative, while meanwhile “vagina” became an acceptable clinical term. Vagina is Latin, cunt is old english or along those lines.

          “Birth Canal” is fine but a little long. Bircan? Birtcan?

          Liked by 3 people

    • While I can see where you are coming from (and agree) Have to admit I would prefer to keep vagina front and centre. If nothing else, vagina dentata just rings so much stronger for me than ‘birth canal dentata’ (sounds like you’ll chew your kid on the way out 🙂 whereas vagina dentata might / will shred the unwelcome cock.

      All good if no one else agrees.

      Liked by 4 people

      • I have big problems with calling it a birth canal!!!

        Just consider how much female’s sexuality (and purpose in life) is reduced to being fucked by males and making babies, already.

        Many of us will never ever use it as a means to get male semen in and a baby out.. instead it most frequently will serve as one of the means to seek pleasure and bond with a partner, even amongst females who are heterosexual and mothers.

        The name birth canal focus on a single function and precisely the one patriarchy uses to control us, while convincing us that our ultimate purpose is to find a male and give birth to his children, then stay at home nurturing.

        As hard as it is already for women to realize they can focus their love, admiration, energy, into other women, including sex, we would just be making it harder by naming our parts solely after it’s reproductive funcions.

        Is it not time we quit seeing reproduction as a more important function than bonding?


        • I’d rather “birth canal” than “container for sharp objects.” Anyway, female genitalia is complicated and this is just one part. If you would like to suggest a better name, go for it.

          Liked by 1 person

        • While I can see your points, 77-98% of all women (depending on country) do eventually have a baby. 81% of all American women ages 40-44 have had a baby. (Singapore has the lowest motherhood rate and Liberia and Congo have the highest.) — Source: UN Report

          “Is it not time we quit seeing reproduction as a more important function than bonding?”

          The choice isn’t either / or. Bonding is very important, but I am not so sure that it is MORE important than reproduction. Humans are uncomfortable with it, but we are primates, animals who are born and die, and our #1 biological imperative is to perpetuate the species via sexual reproduction; this is our evolutionary role. Of course, in the modern world, we already have plenty of people, perhaps too high of a population to sustain indefinitely, and not everyone wants to, or needs to, have kids. That is fine. Not everyone is heterosexual. That is fine too, but the majority of people are heterosexual. I am not sure why bonding versus reproduction need to be pitted against each other for importance. We need the sun and the moon.


        • Seconded. Whether we choose to use it that way or not, the vagina is the birth canal, part of the female reproductive system.

          I feel no need to change the word vagina either. It’s been around long before the transwhacktivists tried to co-opt it and will be around long after, if there are humans around to say it.


  17. OK this is to Miep and everybody,

    Miep found that cool body word origin site that she linked to, above. And that got me thinking. For vulva, which means ‘wrapper’: pulpamentum floris. Means flesh flower. I made it up and translated it. I like it as a medical term, but it seems a little long for every day. We need new names for these bits though.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Okay. I admit I haven’t gotten too far past the post below and may not be able to finish reading because of the bullshittery factor.

    “Right…so anyone can be trans for any reason. This definition leaves it so wide open that the term is completely meaningless.”

    It’s interesting that the trans make claims of the greatest of all oppressions afflicting them and them alone yet invite more and more people to identify as trans. They do this by broadening the definition of who is defined by that word. (It has been suggested to me by a trans-wrongs activist that I am really trans because I’m butch-of-center, have experienced some dysphoria in my life -like who hasn’t, and because if I were a lot younger I might be male/trans-identified myself.)

    But here’s the glitch in that strategy. Peoples who are actually oppressed tend not to invite others to be them, to call themselves by their People’s name or to try to have others pass themselves off as themselves. That is viewed as appropriation and an attempt to dilute them. Sometimes it is viewed as another form of genocide.

    I think this is the dead give away. This is how you can tell, if you couldn’t so far, that trans is a false thing/identity/oppressed group or whatever you want to call it. Yes, they have discriminatory factors working against them but those mostly fall under homophobia.

    The opposite happens with groups that are genuinely oppressed on the basis of who they are including lesbians. We don’t welcome folks donning the cloak of our identity and trying it on for size. Self-exploration is a very private process and fluidity is a real thing for some people. I think that’s called bisexuality. A lot of people explore their options when they are young before they settle on what work best for them. However, some clubs have real, biology-based membership requirements. You can’t change your ethnicity even if you are socially accepted into a different cultural group. Likewise you can’t will yourself heterosexual if you like your own sex and vice-versa.

    Liked by 4 people

  19. I am honestly confused on why you think men want vaginas.

    To rape vaginas? Of course. To force vaginas to expel “their” children? Of course. To make vaginas look like their pedophilic sex fantasies? Absolutely! To denigrate vaginas as smelly and disgusting and indicative that the person who totes it around is not a person at all? This is the essence of patriarchy. But men are both sadists and also categorically opposed to engaging in any activity that doesn’t bring them 100 percent pleasure. Vaginas, with their bleeding, tearing, infections, baby contractions, speculum and dick insertions, etc usually bring their owners nothing but pain. Freud was wrong; all female orgasms come from the clitoris, which is homologous to the peen.

    I really disagree with the “vagina envy/womb envy” line of argument. I believe men want to control and invade these parts because they find them innately inferior, NOT because they want to have them. They like their dicks, which exist to wreak havoc and give pain to vaginas, while giving orgasm to the dick owners. They enjoy invading and colonizing vagina, not having one unless they live inside a 24/7 sissy male-into-macho-male fantasy. No straight man feels this way, gay men puke at the idea of being near a “vag”, much less having one, and even trans women who enjoy sissification draw the line at losing their orgasm machine phallus to an orgasm-dubious passive cavity, no matter their sexuality.

    I’m sorry, but there is nothing enjoyable about having a vagina. Why else would so many trans women want to keep their dicks? It’s not like natal women feel anything but dread about gynecological exams or using tampons. Acting as if “being in love” would transform the uncomfortable feeling of penetration into one of ecstasy is pretty much the number one lie that mothers tell their daughters. In fact, I think the “no sex before your wedding night” rule for girls originated out of the knowledge that if the bride knew how bad it felt to be stabbed by hubby, she’d run for the hills before committing to it for life. Nowadays, sex pozzies and the malestream media insure that any voices disputing the “joy of being penetrated” are thoroughly ostracized, so there’s no need to push chastity before wedding night on girls.

    Meanwhile, the patriarchal medical establishment rubs its hands together in glee knowing that FtM bottom surgery is so awful that almost all trans men choose to suffer having a part that brings them dysphoria, stigmatizes them as “not men”, and leaves them at risk for rape rather than undergo bottom surgery!

    I agree with you sometimes, but here you are wrong. Even the most clueless male has to realize that, unlike the clitoris, a vagina brings pleasure to penis and life to babies but does little to create ecstasy in its owner and has the potential to create a lot of pain, fear, insecurity and vulnerability. No “cis” man would ever want to take that on, and most trans women don’t want to either. I don’t blame them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 1st of all, you are missing the point completely. This is about CONTROL. Men want to control every aspect of women’s lives, including vaginas, sex, and reproduction. 2nd, not all women hate PIV, as you suggest, nor do they all find it painful. Sorry you had a bad experience. Once again, this is about CONTROL. It always is about control with men.

      Liked by 1 person

    • They like their dicks, which exist to wreak havoc and give pain to vaginas, while giving orgasm to the dick owners.

      No, they exist for reproduction and urination.

      You’re conflating being in love with being sexually aroused. If a woman isn’t, of course penetration will hurt. Pleasure in penetration isn’t a male fiction, it’s real, and you’re dismissing a lot of women’s experience in categorically denying its existence.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I enjoy my vagina (though sure, if I had to pick either/or I’d pick the clit first) and I use a menstrual cup, which is a lot bigger than a tampon and doesn’t hurt at all. When I used them, tampons only ever hurt me if I tried to take them out too early (when it is still dry on the outside, it can create microtears). If it’s painful for you to insert a tampon or (if applicable & when you’re aroused) a penis, you might want to ask your doctor about the possibility of vaginismus.


  20. Why do they keep calling vaginas front holes? The vagina is not the front hole. The urethra is the front hole.
    Clearly anatomical accuracy is not a priority, but please, at least get the topology right.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ah, yes, but one can not ram a “strapless” into the urethra, so it doesn’t count. It is useless to men, unless they like golden showers. That is trans-logic at its finest!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lol, isn’t it ever – I do think though, that some people, including non-trans, struggle with the idea that urine comes from somewhere other than the vagina 🙂
        There’s a report doing the rounds on social media at the moment which found that a significant percentage of UK women couldn’t label an anatomical diagram of the female reproductive anatomy accurately – a lot of them didn’t know which bit was the vagina, let alone more arcane features like the cervix, fallopian tubes etc.
        Obviously there is a problem with basic education which publications like this “guide” do nothing to help :-\


  21. Wow, I am trans(MTF), and reading this is pretty shocking…like, wtf was going through the heads of the people who wrote this, Fronthole, I’ve never even heard that expression before now, it seems so demeaning and crude. This just seems like one big pile of bullshit. I wonder who wrote it, probably some well to do male “ally” with no first hand experience on being actually trans.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. When referring to transwomen you should always use herself rather than “himself” as you have done. I am trying to read this but as I’m reading it write now it is presented primarily to me – a transmale- as transphobic and I don’t know if I’m reading this wrong.


      • Okay, but why? Because your pronouns are based on your gender not your sex. And why would you be so negative? “Trans cult” I believe are words that crop up a lot and to be perfectly honest, regardless of your personal beliefs, this is offensive.


        • Wrong. Pronouns are based on sex. The idea that they are based on sex-roles is something genderists came up with, as is the notion that sex-roles (much less a preference for one stereotype over another) dictate whether a person is a man or woman.

          It’s really very simple. Two sexes, male and female. Sex-roles, lately called gender (a term taken from grammar) are a hierarchy which places men over women. It’s not an opt-in or opt-out system. Its forms vary across societies. A given behaviour or appearance may be coded as masculine or feminine in different places. It isn’t innate, it’s socialised from birth, based on the observable physical fact of an infant being male or female. Nobody has this mysterious “inner sense of gender”, all we have is the fact of our sex. The assumption that women are “cis” if we don’t try to claim we’re male, that we’re “comfortable” with our subordinate place, is grossly insulting.

          Forcing anyone to accept a patent lie about your sex is what is resulting in more and more erosion of women’s rights. The simple right to privacy is being taken away, with girls and women having no recourse when men and boys force themselves into our spaces. Misogyist companies will happily hire fetishist men pretending to be women, and claim they are So! Diverse! Crime statistics are being skewed by violent men – and “trans” males are as violent as men as a class, possibly more so – being counted as women. Rapists are being placed in women’s prisons and shelters, all on their claim to be female.

          This is real. It is happening and on record. It is eroding the very notion of woman as a class, and the reality of sex-based oppression. Do you even care about that? At this point, I’m betting not.

          Liked by 1 person

        • What the hell is wrong with you? I am transgender and my pronouns are based on my gender and are no way related to my sex. I have no intention of raping anybody. And you just categorise us all as one thing “rapists”. But have you actually stopped to think about what someone who decided to come out as trans just to rape someone would go through? The abuse, the rejection, hormone therapy, surgeries, all to have sex with someone. I highly doubt any logical person can see that happening. You are a decent human being. You cannot respect that people are not the same as you and because of that they must all be negative. Well you know what you’re wrong. Transgender people do not claim to be the opposite sex, it’s transGENDER. I do not claim to have a penis. I do not. But I am a man and the sooner you idiots come to realise that it doesn’t effect you the better.


        • Sorry geeekyfandoms, I won’t be posting any more of your comments. I don’t mind FtMs commenting here if they are having a reasonable, thoughtful conversation. But you don’t seem to want to find out what our point of view is, you just want to tell us we’re wrong. If you’d like to learn more about why gender critical feminists have the position we have, feel free to read any of the posts on this blog or other gendercrit blogs. You’ll find all your answers, because all of these questions have been discussed. If you find us offensive and unacceptable, then feel free to go and read something else. No one is forcing you to be here.


        • Congrats dude, you just demonstrated that 1) you have no conception of talking about a class of people 2) you don’t actually give a shit about women, it’s all about you, you, you, your feelz and 3) you’re all “la la la I can’t hear you” when told of actual events.

          What are you even doing on this blog?

          Liked by 1 person

  23. Pingback: giving tuesday: where i’m sending my lesbian $$ – revoltingly

  24. “Vanilla Supremacist Kink-Shaming Shitlord”

    I wish I could choose this as my orientation on social media networks. You made me laugh even when I also wanted to cry.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Pingback: Trans advocates are juvenile and idiotic. | The Prime Directive

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