Female same-sex couple both transitioning

Today I found this couple while browsing YouTube. They are both female and identify as male. One of them, I watched a few videos of hers and she mentioned the word “lesbian” at one point when talking about her history, but she now identifies as “pansexual.” The other one, I’m not sure how she describes her sexual orientation, but at any rate, they are in a relationship with each other and both identifying as male. In their videos, they do their best to perform masculine mannerisms and speak with low voices.

I’ve heard of lesbians identifying as gay men before, and it seemed silly to me in theory, but now I’ve seen it with my very own eyes. These two women call each other by male pronouns and male names, encourage each other in their transitions, talk in deep voices to each other, and call each other “boyfriend.” I’m just gobsmacked.

I’m so shocked that women-loving-women don’t want to honour their female bodies or call themselves women or lesbians. It’s shocking to me because being a lesbian has been the best thing about my life ever since I became one, and I wouldn’t give it up for anything. Neither my partner nor I identify with the feminine role, neither of us enjoy being “treated as women” by our sexist society, and neither of us perform femininity. This is completely normal for women, and quite common in lesbians. It doesn’t mean we’re men, it means that the feminine gender role is oppressive bullshit, and actual women don’t identify with it. My partner meets most of the criteria for “gender dysphoria” according to the DSM, since the DSM criteria for “gender dysphoria” is basically a list of traits describing lesbians. And yet, here we are, two happy women in love with each other, going around with short hair every day, her with men’s clothes on, me with a mixture of women’s and androgynous clothes, neither of us ever talking about makeup or shoes or purses, because we don’t give a shit about those things. Both of us happy in our female bodies, and enjoying each other’s female bodies on a regular basis. Why on Earth would we want to modify our bodies and look like men?

These two obviously believe they will be happier if they look like men. I can’t possibly say whether that is true or not for them. Who knows, maybe they hate being women so much that they will in fact be happier when they look like men. I shouldn’t care what other people do with their own bodies, right? Their bodies, their choice. But I’m upset because this isn’t just a couple of people, this is a lot of people. This is an epidemic of lesbians deciding they cannot be women and they have to make major body modifications so that they will look like men. This is lesbophobia.

I know what would happen if I wandered over to their YouTube channel or blogs and asked the question, “Why not just be lesbians?” I’ve heard it all before. I don’t feel like a lesbian, I feel like a man. It’s okay to be a lesbian, but I’m not one. I’ve always been a man, I’m just making my body match my conception of myself. And the list goes on. But I’m not interested in individual people’s feelings as much as I’m interested in looking at classes of people. There are things going on in multiple countries involving many people that I’m looking at. The questions we should be asking aren’t “What gender do I feel like?” or “How should I present my gender to the world?”, we should be asking questions like “Why do so many women not want to be women?” and “What is making so many lesbians believe they are men?”

I wish I could somehow make these women think about what they are really saying when they say they are men. They are saying that because they like short hair and baggy clothes that they must be men, because women couldn’t possibly be that way. There’s no reason for a woman to think she’s a man other than a strong belief in a list of sexist stereotypes. But gender nonconforming women such as these two are living proof that those stereotypes are wrong, that women are not the way our society defines them. Women can and do wear short hair and clothing that is marketed to men. We can and do love other women. We can and do enter the skilled trades, work with our hands, build things and take things apart, play video games, and smoke and drink and swear. Women do these things and these are things that women do. We don’t have to modify our bodies to do these things either. If I tried to say any of this to people who are transitioning, I would get dismissed as old-fashioned and transphobic.

Sadly, the belief that women, including lesbian women, are perfect the way they are and don’t need to change, and don’t need to give any shits about society’s ideas about what women are, is an old-fashioned belief. What’s in style now is lining up at the gender clinic for synthetic hormones and surgeries so that people can express themselves. Being your true self by changing your self. Expressing your innate identity by refusing to accept the body you were born in.

I’m not buying this. This is sexist, homophobic bullshit.

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37 thoughts on “Female same-sex couple both transitioning

  1. you said it, sister. I am not okay with women mutilating their bodies to conform to restrictive and sexist roles –whether it’s anorexia, breast augmentation, or breast removal and testosterone injections. sure, it’s their bodies, but as you say, it’s a tragedy they cannot love their womanly selves. And it’s promoting sexism and misogyny. this is all so frustrating and unnecessary. Women are playing right into The Man’s hands. I’m interested (in a ‘coming-upon-a-horrific-accident-on-the-highway-can’t-bear-to-look-can’t-turn-away’ kind of way) in what this self-and-all-other-women-hating bullshit will lead to. I don’t think it’s gonna be good…
    sigh.

    Liked by 9 people

  2. As I was listening to this I was remembering what the young person said on the last video you featured … gotta go back and find it … your previous post! 🙂 … anyway … and I was thinking, where are these two going to be in five years, ten, a couple of decades, when this wave has passed and all that’s left are the scars and broken people? … I can only hope they’ll be OK.

    Liked by 7 people

  3. We cannot change a social “trend” by talking or thinking about it, we can only criticize it based on our deep perception of what reality is.

    A “trend” is a social construct based on average manipulation of peoples minds, usually without deeper meaning, and usually reflecting some sort of social malfunction, because strong minded people don’t follow social trends, they follow their deep beliefs and understanding of life.
    Trends come and go but the truth is not affected by them, because they are artificial and the truth is not.

    There are trends related with fashion (clothing), tattoos, piercing, movies, “music industry”, etc. and people keep buying into these ideas because their minds can’t go beyond the average perception of life and the meaning of human existence.

    I believe the visibility and existence of homosexual behavior in human society has never been stronger and accepted, and even nurtured (to some extent), than it’s now.
    If we think of how our society was just 20-30 years (1980’s 1990’s) the acceptance of homosexuality has greatly increased, especially for homosexual women.
    I don’t think this is just some kind of coincidence, but rather part of a process of demolition of the old patriarchal corruption.

    Even if we don’t like all the aspects of the recent visibility of homosexual life, regarding its connection with pornography and stereotyped concepts created by the male-dominated media, it’s quite clearly a process discovery of long hidden and nonetheless always present lifestyles, which have been whispered about and kept in low profile, although also always known and not denied.

    I usually think that humanity is in a deep process of discovery of its own sexuality, as if it was a person going into adulthood.
    The future “adult humanity” will have a strong female component, probably stronger than its corresponding male component, similar to the strong male-component of the primitive or “juvenile humanity” of the past.
    This is a revolutionary process that is just starting, in my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Now what relationship does what you just said have to the information presented in this blog post? Transgenderism is not sexuality. Well, except to autogynephiles, but clearly these women do not fit in that category.

      Liked by 4 people

      • Yeah, I’m confused here. Trans as some sort of “super homosexuality” maybe? Except it’s extremely homophobic and misogynistic, not progressive at all, besides not being about sexual orientation, but paraphilias and brainwashing.

        Liked by 3 people

        • “… Trans as some sort of “super homosexuality” maybe? .. ”
          Perhaps, I believe there is some kind of “hyper-sexuality” behind the transgender dysphoria.

          Like

        • Hyper-sexuality as in they seem to expect they should be serviced on demand, and copulating seems to be the whole point of life, however mechanical they make it, fersure!

          Liked by 2 people

        • Pretty much, as if their “sex identity” (more than only gender expression) was an important part of their personalities.

          Like

      • “.. Transgenderism is not sexuality.. ”
        Certainly not, I was talking about the present (misguided) trend to value transgenderism over the free expression of gender and the abolition of stereotypes, which also tends to suffocate to some extent the manifestation of homosexual love.

        I said in my comment that “trends” come and go, but homosexuality is not a trend.
        The empowerment of women in our society is greatly favorable to the free expression of homosexual love, while the “trans-trend” can be seen, in part, as a patriarchal reaction to this new achieved “freedom”.
        The trans-trend is not powerful enough to change this, I think, and it should not go much further than it has already gone.

        On the other hand, in the future the free expression of homosexual love will probably place it as an increasingly more important aspect of human life.

        Like

  4. Your writing is beautiful. The way you describe your relationship made me smile. Being happy makes a person strong. And with all this bewildering hatred of all things female gushing forht from new and surprising sources, we need to be strong. Thank you for writing this blog.

    Liked by 6 people

  5. This is … sad, frustrating, pathetic, pitiable. So many young women being brainwashed this way. A lifetime of hormones, mutilation, potential severe health issues, and all to deny physical and social reality. They are female and will likely always be read as such, or as “mannish” women, which will mean even more misogyny will come their way.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. It’s so sad how much of their happiness hangs in their transition, access to doctors, etc. I don’t know how old they are (I’m guessing 19-20?) but being wrapped up in the medical establishment to such an extent at that time of life just seems sad.

    It’s also very worrying how they are already “competing” in a way with each other, and how they are aware of that jealousy rising between them. I’ve heard so many times detransitioned women talking about how they realized no matter how far they went it would never be enough, and I can’t imagine having that reflected back at yourself every time you compared your own transition to your partner’s.

    In the last month or so I’ve become a huge fan of Hannah Hart (My Drunk Kitchen) and though she puts on makeup now and then she is fantastically gender non-confirming in so much of her presentation. And she’s super clear about being a woman and a lesbian and proud of that. She’s been incredibly inspiring to me and I just wish some of these young lesbians could see more of her and women like her who are just doing their thang, recognizing the struggle, but being authentic anyway. But I know from my own experience that dysphoria is deeper than that, that you can’t see and relate until you get over what’s deeper down, and it’s just a shame that the mental health system is failing so many.

    Liked by 6 people

      • She was on Food Network Star several weeks ago and I looked her up again to get my mom acquainted with her. All I remembered was those first videos and that she was openly and unapologetically a lesbian. What she’s done in the past five years has just been fantastic, everything from the comedy collaborations to these really frank and honest talks about life, book clubs, wine clubs, little movies, volunteerism – I’m like, you go girl! I was so needing a big injection of positive reinforcement and she’s just fantastic. I admit I haven’t fangirled like this in a very long time. 😉

        Liked by 4 people

  7. I recently unsubscribed from Alex’s YT channel, when I was going through and unsubbing from a bunch of trans-identified folks and other people whose content I’m not interested in anymore or whom I haven’t watched in a long time. Awhile ago, I ordered her videos from oldest to newest, and sure enough, she was a butch lesbian in the earliest, and going by a female name, Jaz (which I assume was a nickname for Jasmine). After she started testosterone a few months ago, she made a video talking about how she recently went back and made a lot of her older videos private, since they don’t represent her anymore, or she doesn’t want people to see them.

    Not surprisingly, since starting “T,” she’s now getting more anxious for a double mastectomy. She also refers to her period as “MANstruation,” though we all know men can’t get periods. It’s sad to see a cute young woman abusing her body with puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, binders, and now plans to remove her healthy breasts. I originally found her channel before hitting peak trans, when I was looking up information (for curiosity’s sake) on packers, and she had a video positively reviewing a STP device. What are the odds she’ll eventually go through “bottom surgery” as well?

    Liked by 1 person

        • Sure! The 20s in England saw people like the Bloomsbury Group not just reacting against the mores of the previous century (and up to WWI) but mocking them – like Lytton Strachey with his book Eminent Victorians. Understandable, but not necessarily accurate. There’s also the urban myths, like the idea that Victorians were so prudish they covered table and piano legs lest anyone start thinking naughty thoughts. Nope – it was simply the passion for decorating anything and everything that flourished in the middle decades of the century. This is the time when men still went swimming naked – and there would be lots of women sitting on their side of a beach (yes, some were divided) with *telescopes* to watch the blokes! There’s a good book by Patricia Anderson, called When Passion Reigned: Sex and the Victorians, that discusses this. They were very keen on public propriety, and of course there was plenty of hypocrisy (name an age when there isn’t) but the idea that sex was all bad all the time for women just isn’t true. I mean, it’s not true that that was the overriding message, not that it was women’s sole experience. Right at the top of the hierarchy you have Victoria herself, revelling in her “wonderful and bewildering” wedding night and writing letters about it. There’s also an intriguing study – very small, alas – which I read about online recently. It was done by a woman in the late 19th century, at university, talking to other women of various ages, and they were definitely not all negative about sex – just the opposite. She never published, alas, but she was a sexologist before Havelock Ellis et al.

          Liked by 3 people

        • And don’t forget free love, dress reform, and the growing independence of women. At the time, they used “gothic” the way we do “Victorian” because everybody knows old people couldn’t possibly have enjoyed sex.

          Liked by 3 people

  8. Thanks for posting this, PurpleSage. I’m new to your blog and loving it. I’m curious if you would reconsider making a comment on their video, and if you’ll share the link or tell us how to find them. One comment can sometimes be enough to plant a seed, getting someone to question something, or support someone to explore the questions or doubts they already had, but had been afraid to entertain further. Our comments on their video might help them put this off and rethink it, possibly sparing two young women, two vulnerable lesbians, lives of physical and psychological misery. Thanks again for your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hello fmnst! Nice to meet you. I’d rather not post on their channel. They are very firmly committed to trans ideology, and if I say something gender critical they’ll just think it’s a “TERF” harassing them. I don’t want to come across that way. It’s already obvious that they’re female and that they’re lesbians. They’ve both stated it themselves. They have to work through this themselves and the gender critical internet will be here waiting if they ever want to explore it.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I find the “pan” term amusing. Does being pansexual mean you like having sex with pans? Does being pangender mean you identify as a pan? (I know what pan means to these people, but all these silly words need their obvious jokes.)

    Otherwise, this is just so sad. And the decisions we make do have effects on people other than ourselves, though I realize that is not the popular neoliberal view. I simply cannot imagine this level of self-loathing.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I often think that the Trans movement is hypocritical for claiming to widen the narrow gender roles, when really it conforms to them all the more strongly. In my eyes, a woman wearing a man’s shirt is still a woman. A man in a dress is still a man. A woman with interests outside of “stereotypically feminine” interests is still a woman. And they all have my complete support in being themselves and embracing these interests and wearing what they like. The whole “feeling like a man” or “feeling like a woman” thing is baffling to me, because what is that supposed to feel like? They’re saying there is a way we should feel in order to identify as our sex? And if we deviate from that we are “nonbinary?” And that if you diverge from the status quo then it’s only proper that you start referring to yourself by different pronouns than those that fit your sex? How does erasing womanhood help lift women up? As a lesbian I love all things female and don’t like the idea of women being erased.

    I also dislike the LGBT acronym–not only because there are clear differences between, lesbian/gay/bisexual, and when I’m looking for lesbian content in particular I have to wade through those two as well, but because Trans is not a sexual orientation. Why are they included with us?

    Liked by 1 person

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