FYI: ‘Wanker’ is a legit sexual orientation

I was browsing through those endless flags for every possible Special Snowflake orientation, and I found this gem:

flags

Source here.

One of them is “autosexual.” I’m glad I found out that this is a real sexual orientation, because I’ve long suspected it to be so. According to Urban Dictionary, autosexual is defined as:

“sexual orientation toward oneself; that is, preferring self-gratification over other forms of sexual activity. Often occurs as a result of numerous failed attempts at interpersonal relationships, leading the individual to make a conscious choice to become autosexual rather than face disappointment and frustration yet again.”

I’ve totally run into guys like this so many times. You know those guys who are really into having orgasms and are supposedly straight but can’t stand interacting with human females? Guys who claim to be attracted to women and yet hate female bodies? Those guys.

It’s legit. They’re proud wankers, and they have a flag. Congratulations, dudes!

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114 thoughts on “FYI: ‘Wanker’ is a legit sexual orientation

    • GreyRomantic??? Is that when you fancy older people? Or you get turned on my gloomy skies? Perhaps it’s a fetish for ill people with an ashen pallor?

      Liked by 7 people

      • It’s supposedly a romantic orientation between romantic and aromantic, according to asexuality.org. I’m pretty disappointed in that site for indulging this silliness. It’s bad enough many people don’t believe asexuality is real; lending credibility to all these made-up orientations only serves to make people even more dismissive of true asexuals.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Ashen pallor! 😂 Very Victorian. Both in their aesthetics and the preponderance of tuberculosis then.

        And let’s remember, pansexuals are people who have a sexual fetish for Peter Pan outfits. They also yearn to have a woman in their life named Wendy. And seek out and befriend women with that name. And you’re not allowed to mention that they have a shadow.

        Liked by 3 people

      • “Litho” as a prefix usually refers to stone? Goodness knows, think your guess is as good as any.

        This is a huge mess. I’d take a ‘lipstick lesbian’ to be heterosexual, so that gets two slots with ‘straight ally’, gynephilia seems to nudge on lesbian, but only refers to attraction to genitalia when lesbians are attracted to female persons. Then there is the ‘Intersexual’ which I take to refer to persons who might have a disorder affecting sexual development, way back when things were normal we were all told not to define a person by their condition or ability and do things like refer to a person with trisomy 21 as a ‘downs’. ‘Hermaphrodite’ has long been relegated as old and insensitive terminology too, along with terms like ‘retard’ and ‘cretin’ but look here, they use it without irony. So much for being inclusive there.

        Liked by 1 person

    • “Aromantics” – yes the good old Rasta colors. I first read it as “Aromatics” and though it might be attraction to strong odours.

      Liked by 4 people

    • According to Aromantic Wiki:

      “Lithromantic (also known as akoiromantic or apromantic) is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum.

      “Somebody who is lithromantic can feel romantic attraction towards others and also enjoy being in romantic relationships but only in theory. They do not need the affection to be reciprocated, and as such do not usually feel compelled to seek out a relationship with their crush. Some lithromantics may also stop feeling their romantic attraction once in a relationship.

      “Someone who identifies as lithromantic can be romance repulsed, romance indifferent / neutral / apathetic towards romance, or romance positive. Like with any romantic orientation, lithromantic individuals can have any sexual orientation.

      “Due to controversy of appropriating lesbian culture, the term has been reclined to be akoiromantic, as well as apromantic.”

      So in other words, it just seems like a special snowflake way of saying someone’s asexual.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. LOL on the above and comments.😆

    But surely the most striking thing is that gynephilia and asexual are SO FUCKING SIMILAR!! Same old Freudian et al crap about women aren’t sexual. Only here it’s put on Lesbians.🙄 👿👿👿👿👿👿

    Also all of the green and black makes me think of Librium (like Valium) capsules.

    Look at intersexual. And just be totally creeped out. Is that a fetishistic attraction to intersex people? Holy fuck! And then look at hermaphrodite. With the subtle gradation between two markedly different things. Hermaphrodites are not blendy. That’s a myth. Remember the penis and clitoris chart somebody posted? Intersex babies have penises or clitorises, the doctors decided whether not to ‘change their sex’ based on the sizes of them. #Atrocity

    And WTF is with Gender Binary? So now being Binary is a sexual orientation? Is it a gender too? And can we just assign all the transwomen who dress like 60s lounge singers at the hotel by the airport into it? 😀

    Liked by 4 people

        • Cathy Brennan has a little essay on one of her blogs I think the one on Medium, about how some men will stick their dicks in anything.

          Anyway years ago she allowed a male friend to stay in her room for a couple days. When she came back she discovered that her Bob’s Big Boy bank, a hilarious giveaway plastic bank from a the restaurant chain, was lying on the floor empty of money and filled with semen. He had actually masturbated in the plastic bank. And kept all the change that he took out of it so we could do so!

          Thus proving that auto(mobile)sexual and vacosexual are completely legitimate and vital learned psychological terms. 😊

          Liked by 2 people

        • Holeeee shit. 😳

          My story comes from my boss of about 20 years ago, whose wife was an ER nurse. Dude came in one night with a teddy bear’s arm stuck up his arse. The nurses were going around singing the theme from Play School, a much-loved kids’ show: “There’s a bear in there …”

          Liked by 3 people

    • There are real autosexuals and they don’t mess with tailpipes.

      Google Cranking Revving and you will find YouTube links to one of the most abstract fetishes out there.

      And they have a song: Poe, of Lilith Fair fame, couldn’t get a single on the radio from her new album in 2000 thanks to the backlash against the female singer-songwriters who were so popular in the 90’s. She’d written “Hey, Baby” as a song about an aggressive heterosexual woman. She made a second version with most of the lyrics replaced by her brother reading a sexualized description of a car from a novel he recently published.

      Poe and her bro never intended this to become a crank and rev anthem. Rule 34 was not quite in place at that time.

      Liked by 1 person

        • The sad thing is that Poe was just trying to get “Hey, Baby” released in an era when women songwriters were being crushed and the Spice Girls and Britney Spears (who is very talented, but patriarchy reenforcing) were being promoted.

          I really think the the scrubbing of women songwriters’ voices from MTV and the radio in the late 90’s and early 2000’s after women had been so successful just a few years earlier.

          Women who get out of control gotta be reigned in.

          Liked by 3 people

  2. “..You know those guys who are really into having orgasms and are supposedly straight but can’t stand interacting with human females? Guys who claim to be attracted to women and yet hate female bodies?..”

    They even have a site:
    https://www.mgtow.com/
    🙂

    The “complementary version” of the “wankers” in the female part of the population, but with similar patriarchal mind, are those who proclaim to be feminists but believe that society is OK the way it is, with only some minor adjustments in terms of salary and/or number of women occupying positions of power, etc., without addressing the essential aspects of corruption and inversion of values that patriarchy represents.

    Some of them even become MRA’s, because of “equality”.
    They’re usually “extremely strait” (probably off the rainbow chart) and think that just handling patriarchy “in their own way” – instead of acknowledging it’s deep problems and combating it – is OK, again because of their sexual preferences and “equality”.

    I’m not certain but, I believe these “patriarchal feminists” call themselves liberal feminists.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Definitely MTGOW are a perfect example of autosexuals. But I don’t think the female equivalent is a FeMRA. These are people who decide not to pursue relationships with other people and prefer to just masturbate. I feel like FeMRAs are quite likely to enter relationships with men. The female equivalent of this would be a woman who decides to not bother with men anyone and go it alone instead. Radical feminists are more likely to do that.

      Liked by 5 people

      • I agree, I don’t think FeMRA’s are autosexuals, they’re not true feminists either.

        I was referring to FeMRA’s because I know one case of a person that was a quite radical feminist in her speech at some point, but quickly changed in 1-2 years to MRA. Her present blog has not even a word about feminism anymore.

        These people are totally pro-patriarchy, IMO, and 100% straight.
        They believe that men *adore* them – when perhaps it’s the opposite that happens – and that they must motherly support and can magically control men.
        This type of delusion, I think, is in part due to their sexual orientation or, maybe, their own condition of being “straight” is in part due to their inability to see the depths of the patriarchal corruption.
        These people usually have difficulty to talk about homosexuality or to have non-hetero friends.

        They cannot be true feminists because they cannot see patriarchy as the problem that it really is, and all they want is to find a non-conflicting way to perpetuate it.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. They left out object sexual, people who are attracted to inanimate objects and have delusions of having real relationships with them. This was covered on an episode of Taboo (a National Geographic show). Among the object sexuals featured were a man with a really creepy fetish for his cars, and a woman so in love with the Berlin Wall, she got permission to spend a night in one of the old watch towers and kept a piece of it by her bedside.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I don’t care if men are wankers as long as they aren’t bothering women, to be honest. Or enabling men who bother women. If they’d all just keep it to themselves, hey, wank away, I say.

    Liked by 5 people

        • Sorry, I was being serious. There’s no good use for this other than for snowflakes to have a spethal flag all their own. Another thing to have a tanty about when people don’t use the correct label/get your flag wrong, blah blah blah. So I see it as a joke. It’s just more of the same utterly laughable must have a label stuff, now with added wall chart and in Technicolour! Maybe the snowflakes will use this to make flags to hang in their windows. Which I guess would be a good way to spot the houses to avoid – IF one can be bothered to remember any of this flag/label salad. So I guess in that respect, it’s a brilliant red flag marker of toxic people. Shrug.

          Liked by 3 people

        • @ Sylvie : ” So I see it as a joke. “
          Pretty much, but why are they doing this?
          Why not accept their gayness, or straightness, or bisexuality perhaps?
          Why all this confusion?

          Like

    • What they’re for is to emulate the history of the gay rights movement. By people who have nothing to do with homosexuality.

      Why are people who have nothing to do with that emulating gay rights history? For one, they’re winners. Gay people have come so far in a short time at getting society to stop dicking them around. But I think the reason these people are emulating gay history is it’s just been taken up as a (figurative 😉) badge of identity in some shitty bohemian subculture. If you’ve ever been in a subculture you know that you have this friend who has that friend who has this other friend who are all in it and if you don’t join the subculture too they won’t hang out with you. It’s not even malicious. They just don’t see why you’re not doing it. And this is why subcultures or bad. Just like high school sports, it’s kind of totalitarian. And stops you from growing up and developing into an individual.

      And people in subcultures want to feel that what they’re doing is super important. The pretense that just being in the subculture is some kind of big political thing is common. So I guess it’s a kind of group speshul snoeflaik-ism. 🙄 I swear when the trans era ends and people start looking at it critically there are going to be LOTS of essays, academic papers and books about what “identity” is. And hopefully about what fantasy is.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I have found that I have to come back to p-sage’s site on a regular basis just to read the comments…

    Now, my ‘two cents’ re: the use of ‘wanker’ in North America. I don’t live in a place where many people would watch or read much British media, however: I have seen ‘wanker’ used in American media, mostly in pieces written by wlw and my best supposition for that is that we have, the majority of us, seen the movie ‘Imagine Me & You’ (lovely, lovely story, if you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it) and have heard the line “You’re a wanker, Number Nine!” which, I believe, injected the line and the word firmly into our ‘collective consciousness.’

    In fact, I would be willing to bet that I could stand in a room filled with women and shout out that line, knowing that whoever turns and smiles or laughs is also a wlw.

    If anyone ever has the opportunity to try this, please let me know if it worked….

    Like

    • What is a wlw? I have never even heard of ‘Imagine Me & You’ much less seen it. I doubt that more than a handful of people have ever heard of this obscure movie. It isn’t exactly “Star Wars.”

      Like

      • Okay, let me clarify…wlw = ‘women loving women,’ and ‘Imagine Me & You’ is a movie released in 2006 about a woman who falls for another on her wedding day. Unlike any other movies with lesbian/bisexual women, it ‘ended well’ (the first to ever, up to that point), and it was widely embraced by those who had seen it for the way it addressed a number of issues that such a situation would create.

        It was no blockbuster, by any means, it was not a ‘general audience’ draw (in the same way ‘Carol’ was not), but its audience grew when it was made available for home-viewing. No, it’s not ‘Star Wars,’ but it provided a cultural reference with “You’re a wanker, Number Nine,” for women who have seen it, much like ‘May the Force…’, and, having seen other lines used as well, (i.e. “The lily means…’I dare you to love me’,” and “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object”), in online articles discussing gay women’s films, in tumblr art, and so on, I can say with certainty that the film has been widely viewed and remembered.

        There is also a website devoted to it that is still updated with news/info about its actors’ former and current works-in-progress (Lena Headey as Cersei Lannister, Piper Perabo’s new show).

        If you ever have the opportunity, you should watch it.

        BD

        Liked by 1 person

  6. They forgot “ecosexual” XD lmao this is f****ing ridiculous. I don’t understand why there is a “hermaphrodite” AND “intersex” flag… isn’t hermaphrodite just the old un-politically correct terminology for intersex, which is supposed to be the scientific term for someone with a combination of male and female genitals? Correct me if I’m wrong… It’s like they can’t even keep track of their own flags… I guess I can understand why intersex people would want their own flags since technically they can’t be either lesbian or gay (or maybe they could be considered both simultaneously???) what with the combination of genitals, but the other flags are really just things that don’t even have anything to do with biological sex… Like why do Bears need their own separate flag from the rest of the gays? Furthermore, the LGBT flag is labeled as “gay” when it’s really supposed to be inclusive of everyone… like 90% of these flags are pointless because they already fall under another flag group.

    Like

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