An article in Common Dreams called Amazing Grace: The Gift of a Transgender Child perfectly illustrates how the transgendering of children is a form of gay conversion therapy.
“When I saw the number of Sam’s therapist pop up on my phone, I was invaded by a familiar sense of dread. “What’s happened this time,” I thought.
I took a deep breath while my ringtone (Gangnam Style, a popular song then) persisted. When I finally answered, the therapist cut straight to the point: “Kay,” he said, “you don’t have a gay son, you have a heterosexual daughter.”
When I first read this, my jaw dropped open in shock. You don’t have a gay son, you have a heterosexual daughter. There it is right out in the open. They are transitioning a gay boy into a girl and calling him heterosexual. Within the article, the mother reports that her son had previously come out as gay.
As usual in cases where a boy is being called ‘really a girl,’ they list a bunch of silly sex stereotypes that he identifies with.
“My toddler son pointed to girls on diaper packages, in books, on the street and loudly declared “Sam!” Even before she could complete full sentences, she wanted us to know that she was a girl.
Desperate to understand my verbal, passionate child who rejected balls and trucks for dolls and dresses, and, when I’d dress her in boys clothes, declaring, “but Mama. I’m a girl! I’m a girl!”
Really? Your toddler pointed at a diaper package and you conclude from that that he is really a girl? Are you insane? And as for “dolls and dresses,” these are sex stereotypes. Lots of girls don’t actually like dolls and dresses. Some boys do. This is okay. Your biological sex is not determined by your clothing or toy preferences.
“Ever since I can remember, my child was different. The doctor said she was a boy, and she had the requisite boy parts, and none of us knew any better at the time. We didn’t understand back then that gender identity is formed in the brain, in utero and may be different from reproductive organs.”
The reason the doctor identified that your son is a boy is because he has a male body. A boy is a young human male. What on Earth do you think a boy is? A person who plays with trucks?
What is “formed in the brain in utero” is personality, not gender. Your son has a certain personality and this will probably not change. Most likely, his same-sex attractions won’t change, either. His “gender identity” is coming from the sex stereotypes that he has learned from his culture. He has been taught that his preferences for clothing and toys are “girls'” preferences because our culture is sexist. No gender identity could have ever formed if we weren’t teaching kids that certain things are only for boys or only for girls. On what would we base a “gender identity” if males and females could have any personality and preferences they want?
“So we parents of our “gender variant” children bonded over our shared distress and ignorance, meeting secretly once or twice a year, creating a precious and safe space where our children put on wigs and dresses and held endless fashion shows, bonding over their own secret: while their parents thought they were boys, many of knew they were girls.”
Why would a boy with a wig and a dress be a girl? Why isn’t he just a boy with a dress on? Do you believe that wigs and dresses have something to do with girlhood? If so, what?
In many of these cases, the parents are obviously homophobic. But this mother displays an accepting attitude toward gays here. She would have been happy to have a gay son.
“But I’d always assumed that my dramatic child who liked to dress like Hannah Montana was a gay boy. I wasn’t surprised when two years earlier, Sam told me as much. I admit to being relieved that Sam wasn’t coming out as transgender. As a mom, I knew that being gay would present obstacles, but nothing like the challenges Sam would have to face being transgender.
“So he could change his mind?” I asked fervently, hoping that despite the fact that my child had expressed the gender identity of a girl consistently since before the age of two, that maybe Sam would miraculously change his…her??…mind. I thought, why can’t he just be gay? I know how to do gay. Gay is great. Sam told me he was gay.”
It turns out the transgenderist propaganda is so powerful that even parents who are gay-friendly are swept into it. This mom knew her son was a gay boy and accepted it, but she still swallowed the bizarre idea that he is really a girl when the therapist said so.
What should have happened here is the therapist should have asked the boy “why do you say you are a girl?” and listened carefully to the response. They should have then challenged the boy’s incorrect ideas about what girls and boys are and let him know that boys come in all types and have all sorts of preferences. They should have let him know that’s it’s common for gay boys to identify with the stereotypes that society assigns to girls, and that they usually still grow up to enjoy being gay men in their natural bodies. The therapist should have explained to the parents that most gender dysphoric children grow up to be gay or lesbian and that their son needs gender nonconforming role models to look up to so he can develop a positive identity as a feminine gay man.
The parents should have thought about the effects of sex stereotypes and internalized homophobia on their son, and when the therapist was unable to explore these issues they should have looked for a different therapist. They should have been suspicious about anyone telling their gay son that he is a heterosexual female, when that theory makes so little sense. Males are not females. The parents should be critical of the fact that their son is being turned into a lifelong medical patient who will be pretending to be the opposite sex. They should be concerned that he’s reducing his future romantic prospects because he will be a gay man who appears to be a woman, and this will make it hard for him to date gay men, who want other men, and straight men, who want biological women.
Gay and lesbian youth go through phases when they are coming to terms with their sexuality. It’s not easy to come out as gay. Coming out is a long process that can include roadblocks and strange detours. It’s possible to know and not know at the same time that you are same-sex attracted. We are a minority, and we are still not well represented in the culture, so for some kids it’s hard to imagine themselves as a happy gay adult. There is still homophobia in the world and kids pick up on that.
“The years between then and now have been enormously difficult. My child has been called “an abomination,” told she is going to hell, been denied the use of girls bathrooms, been suspended after other children have hit her, been caught in the middle of lawsuits, and has suffered rejection from some people close to her. But she never stopped believing in herself, never strayed from her quest to be seen, heard and understood for who she is.”
This child is not an abomination, and he is not going to hell. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I am suspicious that the people making these terrible comments are acting out of homophobia.
We should not be sending gay and lesbian youth into opposite-sex bathrooms. This is not good for anyone. We should be teaching kids not to bully each other for being different, so that effeminate boys and masculine girls can be safe in the correct bathroom. I fully support giving these kids the option of using separate bathrooms if there is no other way to keep them safe from bullying.
I knew I was same-sex attracted when I was quite young. I still remember my sexual fantasies about other girls when I was nine years old. However, I went through all sorts of phases as a teenager before I developed a lesbian identity. I was “bisexual” in junior high school, and “straight” in senior high school (despite still finding other girls attractive), “bisexual” again when I began college, and finally lesbian after the age of 21.
This boy in this story is struggling with his sexual orientation and going through phases where he’s trying to explain it away and make excuses for it. I used to make excuses, too. In my diary at age 15 I wrote all sorts of excuses for why I was attracted to my female friend. I wrote over and over “We just understand each other well, and she’s really cool. But I’m still straight.” That was utter bullshit. I knew very well that I was totally in love and I wanted to have sex with her. Still, I wrote excuse after excuse to myself in attempt to explain my attraction without identifying as a lesbian.
All sorts of gay and lesbian youth are now being transitioned before they’ve gotten old enough to make sense of their feelings, to date a person of the same sex, and to get over their internalized homophobia. This isn’t progressive, it’s criminal.