Some comments that didn’t pass moderation

So this lovely person came along just to let me know that being a female homosexual inherently makes me an asshole.

anti-lesbian comment

I had just finished talking about how women aren’t allowed to declare themselves exclusively attracted to women without being labelled bigots! Thanks for proving my point!

Then this really sweet, helpful person named Rachel came along to spend half an hour of her life typing out a wall of text explaining transgenderism to me. She assumes that I just don’t understand it, and if she explains it to me, then I will understand. What she doesn’t realize, because she obviously hasn’t read anything else on my blog, is that I’m very well informed on the subject already and I disagree with transgenderist dogma because it conflicts with reality and is hateful toward me as a woman and a lesbian. I’m going to break up Rachel’s comment into manageable chunks, so it will appear here in block quote.

“Oh dear, this article is rather troubling. I don’t even know if it’s possible to explain everything that’s misinformed in this article, since you seem rather firmly rooted in the idea that genitals inform gender. And most people reading this probably would agree in that thinking, wondering what I’m even trying to imply by stating otherwise. Let me make an attempt.”

No, I don’t think that genitals inform gender. Genitals indicate sex, not gender. Let me explain. People whose sex is female have a uterus, in which an ovum can grow into a fetus if it’s fertilized, and people who are male have sperm, which can fertilize ova. People’s outer genitals appear different according to their inner biology. Those of us who have a uterus and who can become pregnant have a vulva and vagina, and those of us who can produce sperm have a penis and testicles. It is definitely important for everyone to understand this, because without this understanding of human biology you will find yourself unable to prevent pregnancy.

“So, for the women reading this, imagine that you’ve felt internally the way you have your whole life, but when you were born, you had a penis. Because of this, you were told your entire life to act like a man, to do the things associated with masculinity. But inside, you knew this wasn’t you. Maybe you’d just learn to accept it, because standards of society tell you that the genitals you were born with inform who you are.”

If I was born male, I would have been taught masculinity, yes. That’s because society constructs differentiated roles and behaviours for males and females and forces us to comply with those behaviours. The role that is assigned to males is masculinity and the role assigned to females is femininity. However, males and females have all sorts of personalities and the roles assigned to us don’t usually fit. They especially don’t usually fit for women, because women don’t actually want to spend their lives submitting to men. Feminists have named these roles “gender roles” and we have been fighting against them for decades.

“But imagine that there’s this constant feeling that maybe it’s just more simple than that. Maybe it’s more than just trying to be a sensitive man that breaks stereotypes of masculinity. Maybe the answer is that you were a girl all along.”

If I had been born male, then I’d be male. What makes you think that if a man identifies with femininity that makes him really a woman? Why can’t he be a feminine man? If you think that a feminine man is really a woman, that means you think that only women can be feminine. That’s not true—we have all sorts of personalities, regardless of our sex. There is no personality that men can have that makes them women. Any personality is fine to have.

“Then imagine that you attempt to reach out to other women for support, only to be pushed away, told that you have no business there. You feel the connection, the sisterhood, as we all do in our daily lives, a sisterhood that exists not just because of our genitals, but our inner femininity.”

What “inner femininity”? Do you think that women have an “inner femininity”? Have you ever met a lesbian or a feminist?

“But you have no way of connecting with that community, because your genitals, something you had no control over, creates a barrier. And it is assumed that because you have a penis, you must be like all men, who are terrible people (a rather black and white sentiment, but at the same time, I find it hard to argue with that one). Can you imagine what kind of self-loathing that might create in a person?”

Men can connect with women as friends, and sometimes as lovers. This sort of thing happens all the time, actually. Why do you think that men’s genitals mean they can’t interact with women? It sounds like you’re talking about in specific situations of female-only space. Just so you know, women are allowed to create women-only spaces any time we want, and we do not need men’s participation or their approval. Men do not have any right to enter women-only spaces, even if their feelings are hurt. Men who wish to enter female-only spaces are violating women’s boundaries which is abusive behavior.

“This is the experience I’ve seen in my trans friends, some who are desperate to find a place of belonging.”

Your friends deserve to feel a sense of belonging to the same extent that everyone else does. But nobody at all has the right to barge into private spaces where they were not invited.

“Every time I hear about their struggles, I’m reminded of the medical community’s former stance on homosexuality as a mental illness. Of course, we know now that homosexuality is a normal thing that you can’t just “get rid of” through therapy, medication, or any horrifying turn of the century treatments for mental illness. I see people who are absolutely and 100% mentally competent, their only perceived mental illness being their gender identity issues. And doesn’t that sound an awful lot like the homosexual individuals in the past who were accused of the very same? When you see a noticeable percentage of people all experiencing the same thing, you start to wonder if that experience isn’t wrong. I never had to worry about being put in a mental hospital for being a lesbian, but the thought terrifies me. And it is through that feeling that I’m able to sympathize with my trans friends, getting constant accusations of mental illness when it is very clear that they have none.”

Interesting that you compare transgenderism to homosexuality on a thread where I’ve shown how trans activists are actively hostile toward homosexuals! You really need to do some research on transgenderism because you are unaware that a large percentage of the kids who are being medically transgendered are same-sex attracted, and they are being taught to believe they are the opposite sex before they’ve gotten old enough to develop a homosexual identity. Transgenderism works in opposition to gay and lesbian rights. See this post No one will admit it’s gay conversion therapy and this post 19th century homophobic dickheads trying to explain homosexuality. The idea that same-sex attracted individuals are really the opposite sex and should transition is homophobia.

“There are trans people who are being bold and speaking out, because fundamentally, there is still no place for trans people to go.”

Trans people are managing to change laws so that they can go absolutely anywhere. They’re also making it impossible for women to have female-only space. Now that Michfest has shut down and women aren’t allowed to form women-only groups anywhere, there are no places for women to go. Are you concerned about women at all?

“And I don’t know, maybe your intent is for all trans people to just stop being trans, but that’s not going to happen, just as much as no lesbian is just going to stop being gay.”

I wonder if you’re implying here that I intend for trans people to start conforming to the sex stereotypes that are assigned to their biological sex? Because I don’t. I think all people should be allowed to express their personalities, wear the clothes they like, and love who they love (between consenting adults) and not be punished or ostracized. Men who are feminine and women who are masculine are just fine with me, and do not need to change. They also don’t need to be medicalized or sterilized or “fixed” in any way, because there’s nothing wrong with them. If you knew me at all, you’d know I have a particular fondness for gender nonconforming women, and I’m partnered with one.

“Imagine another scenario. You wake up tomorrow in a body with a penis. And everyone tells you that you have to be a man now. Wouldn’t you want sympathy from the community of women, the community you still feel you belong to? The sudden appearance of a penis wouldn’t rob you of that sisterly connection you feel to all women, but would they still accept you? If that happened to one of your female friends, would you still accept them?”

This scenario is so unrealistic it can’t even prove a point. There is no way a person can suddenly wake up with the wrong genitals. Trans people don’t have the wrong genitals either, because there is no such thing as wrong genitals. Bodies are not wrong, and genitals are not wrong. People feel discomfort around their bodies for many reasons, most of them cultural. I advocate that we change the culture so that people don’t have to be so uncomfortable with who they are.

“This might seem implausible, but what if you were to find that a female friend of yours, whom you’ve known for a while, says that she is actually trans? That she underwent hormone replacement therapy, had top and bottom surgery, and in general has been living life unequivocally as a woman, to the point where you accepted her femininity unquestioningly. Wouldn’t you want to still be there for your friend?”

This is impossible. Have you met any transwomen in real life? They never pass. Sometimes they pass in terms of appearance, but when they talk it becomes obvious they’re male. I’ve met lots of transwomen and I would never confuse one with a woman. I bet you wouldn’t either.

“In this scenario, she has abandoned anything that could possibly physically connect her to the world of masculinity. If gender is informed by genitalia, what then? Would you still deny her femininity, even though she has a vagina? Or does it only matter what they were born with, even if it no longer exists?”

Men can and do abandon masculinity, and this is a good thing. There are whole books written about how men can abandon masculinity. However, abandoning masculinity doesn’t make them women. I wouldn’t deny a transwoman’s femininity. Why would I? Transwomen can be as feminine as they want, I don’t really care. Many actual women don’t like femininity though, so they should be thinking about why that is.

I can’t stress this enough, Rachel. Femininity is a harmful social construct that is used to oppress women. The feminist movement is motivated, in part, by fighting back against the social constructs that are forced onto women. I absolutely do not equate “having a vagina” with “being feminine.” If you looked at my partner and me you’d know that neither of us are feminine, but both of us are female. It’s actually the transgenderists who equate “having a vagina” with “being feminine,” because they are promoting the idea that anyone who is feminine has to be a woman, and therefore feminine men have to have surgery to create a neo-vagina, because they can’t just keep being a male who is feminine. Similarly, women who are masculine are purported to be not really women, and are encouraged to take testosterone, even though it’s acceptable to be a masculine woman and no corrective medical procedures are necessary.

“I’m supposing that the assumption here is that being trans is a mental disorder, as stated above. But biologically, deviations from what is assumed to be normal exist anywhere. What would you classify intersex people as? Their genitalia fall somewhere between the male and female spectrum. Historically, they have undergone invasive surgeries at birth to “correct” them to the nearest gender. But what if this person has internal femininity that gets robbed from them because a doctor feels that a penis makes more sense on them? Or vice versa? That is a genuine biological example of the disconnect between gender and genitalia.”

There are many, many, reasons for being trans. Some people have autogynephilia, some have internalized homophobia, some have PTSD/dissociation, some are trying to escape from being female, some are identifying with the stereotypes assigned to the opposite sex, etc.

I would classify intersex people as being intersex. No one should perform surgery on intersex infants to make them look like one sex or another. They are fine the way they are.

There is no such thing as “internal femininity.” The idea of “internal femininity” is sexism against women.

“It is the line of thinking that “genitalia informs gender 100%” which leads to the false interpretation of the second series of tweets above. It is not saying that lesbians should love men in any way, shape or form. It is that being a lesbian should be about loving a woman, regardless of what her genital configuration is like.”

I would definitely still love a woman regardless of what her vulva looked like. I think all vulvas are beautiful. However, that doesn’t mean I would love a man and pretend his penis is a “female penis.”

“Whether it be that she is trans, or underwent a surgery to “correct” her intersex genitalia, reducing the lesbian experience to “an aversion to penis” also reduces women to their genitalia. And there is so much more to being a woman than your vagina. We all know this. We all battle societal expectations that want to reduce women to nothing more than a means for sex.”

Lesbians aren’t “reducing women to their genitalia,” for fuck’s sake. Identifying the fact that women have a vulva and vagina doesn’t reduce women to being nothing but those parts. Similarly, if I name the fact that human beings are bipedal, that doesn’t reduce us to being nothing but our legs. We are whole people.

“Trust me, no one is saying all lesbians have to enjoy or even want to be around a penis, there are obviously many, many women who have justifiable reasons to never want one anywhere near them.”

Did you not just read the post you commented on? Have you not heard of the cotton ceiling? All trans activists are saying that lesbians are supposed to be open to dick.

“But that is not the case for all lesbians, so to presume what makes sense for some lesbians is what makes sense for all lesbians is misguided. Don’t be like men, don’t reduce women to just “someone who has a vagina.” That’s all.”

It is the case for all lesbians that we don’t want dick. That’s why we’re lesbians. If a woman likes both sexes, she is bisexual.

“I’m sure most of that fell on deaf ears, and perhaps I was simply indulging my own frustrations in venting this. Perhaps this comment will be removed, my labor of half an hour amounting to nothing. But I guess its my hope that maybe this could open up a line of meaningful discourse that could lead to more understanding. I like to think that you all want to be open-minded, considerate individuals, right? That does mean sometimes opening yourself up to ideas that seem to go against your personal beliefs. That allows you to grow as a more well-rounded person. And I just want to see more people opening themselves up, so we can all grow.”

I agree wholeheartedly with your advice. I think that’s what you should do—engage in meaningful discourse that could lead to more understanding. Please do some research on autogynephilia, the cotton ceiling, the medical sterilization of children, and the hatred against lesbians that transgenderists are promoting. This will challenge your beliefs, but it will make you a more well-rounded person and will be well worth the labor.

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175 thoughts on “Some comments that didn’t pass moderation

  1. I could scream. I really could. This person is mansplaining in the most condescending and patronizing way. This person is probably a man, being “nice”. Transgender people do not feel the connection, feel the sisterhood ( did this “rachel” really say such a sticky sweet treacly thing???). They **want** to feel the connection. They want women to make a connection with them. They demand women accept them. They demand and demand and demand. Listen up, bud, no one is obligated to accept anyone else. On another note, men have “masculine energy” and women have “female energy”. Anyone can feel it. Anyone can “read” a person’s sex. I suppose it’s built in somehow, so we can do the procreation thing without too much trouble. I don’t care for masculine energy. I think that should be added to the reasons lesbians don’t feel attraction for trans people who “identify” as women. You may “identify” as a woman, but nobody else identifies you as a woman. And, actually, there’s nothing you can do about that. So cry me a river.

    Liked by 5 people

    • I agree with you. I am not quite sure why it is that one can tell, what combination of biology and socialization, but it’s just there, independent of how you feel about the person. It’s very clear, and it’s real. And this informs one’s sexual orientation, and the discussion should stop right there, because anything further is unacceptably intrusive and transgressive.

      Liked by 5 people

    • I think that idea of masculine and feminine energy is partly what trans politics are based on. It’s that old concept of the feminine mystique or essence. Not to say I don’t relate to what you’re saying. I love women for subtle and complex reasons that I can’t describe. I’m not sure why. Perhaps those “energies” we feel are the result of thousands of hours of socialization. Perhaps it’s biological to an extent, but I don’t fancy myself an essentialist quite yet (it depends on how grumpy and fed up I am; if I’m very grumpy, I just say that men are defective humans by nature, and that’s that).

      Liked by 1 person

      • When I refer to male and female (masculine and feminine??) energy, I am not meaning anything like a feminine mystique or essence. I don’t thin there’s any relation between them. They’re talking about something they “feel” inside; I’m talking about something that’s sensed from the outside. Maybe it is a result of socialization. Maybe it’s got something to do with testosterone? How about pheremones? Has that theory been debunked? Oh here’s an article that cites a study that showed lesbians respond differently to a chemical in male sweat than hetero women.http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232635.php

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        • What bothers me is that anybody should be expected to justify lack of sexual attraction. Why is it deemed necessary to get all into Science? It’s not difficult to tell men from women, even with medical interference. So if you are only attracted to women, why can’t you just say “I am only attracted to women, and not all women at that, and I am not interested in this conversation otherwise.”

          Why is it so important to pick this all apart? I cannot help but see it as harassment.

          Liked by 7 people

        • It’s freaking insane, isn’t it?

          Even if these scumbags can’t (snort – “won’t” in reality) cope with someone not being attracted to a particular class of people, you’d think they’d grasp that it can boil down to “I am not attracted to YOU.” Except of course that outrages their male egos, because no woman is supposed to be unattracted to the man talking at her.

          Liked by 6 people

        • I want “Beyond Finicky” embroidered on a cushion now. 😄

          I should totally steal that line. Though it’s remarkable how often I’ll mention Mr D’s status and it’ll turn into a full-on spiritualism convo. That or frighten them off. Either works.

          Liked by 3 people

        • “Beyond finicky” yeah that resonates. I don’t get it from my family, thank Dog, but I mostly gave up on offline friends over that one.

          I made it clear to what remain of my immediate family members that I might quite possibly be a lesbian, some time back. Then I kind of stopped talking about it, in a personal sense. Went back to hanging out online with lesbians. My mom isn’t angry. That’s a blessing.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I think finicky is a label that gets given to women who can’t or won’t or maybe even just don’t settle for whatever life hands out at the moment. Back when I did the plain/modest dress thing, I used to participate in a private email list of plain dressing women. I’m still in contact with a few of them, but one story that just broke my heart came from a Mennonite woman who just fretted herself to death that her housekeeping wasn’t perfect and that she’d get lost in daydreams when she ought to be doing chores and I desperately wanted to recommend she read Anne of Green Gables, but what she was asking for was mental tricks to keep her imagination from being so strong. And all I could think is that she ought to write her thoughts down, but that wasn’t what she was asking for.

          I wish I had been able to give her the gift of finicky ness as though it were chicken pox or something so that she could push back and say that she was a vessel of Light too and deserved time to dream and to write and to give her own light to the world.

          Liked by 8 people

        • Poor woman!

          I tend to think of finicky as relating to food (no, having dislikes about food isn’t allowed, haven’t we all been through that) or about making things. Fiddly work or finicky work mean much the same to me, small and precise and probably tricky (like jewellery, non?) In that context it’s a good word, because that’s skilled.

          Liked by 5 people

        • Well, in that sense, too, I am finicky. It’s tiny work on your necklace and I’m fussy about the wrapped loops in the links. But where I grew up, a woman who’s finicky is said to be likely to end an old maid because no man is good enough. But I also see it as a woman knowing who she is and sticking by that.

          Liked by 4 people

        • “It’s not only that you aren’t a woman, and thus I am not sexually attracted to you.

          It’s also that you really suck as a person, and I really don’t want to have anything to do with you, ever.”

          Liked by 5 people

        • Oh good Dog yes: a Man approaches presenting his Manly Views: everyone drop to the floor.

          Damn, who did all that great art? I have forgotten again. Maybe I saved some on my last tablet.

          Liked by 3 people

        • Sexual attraction really is its own animal. I have women friends who are completely clear that they have never been attracted to men, only women. I know other women who found they were lesbians later in life. There is a lot of repression going on, to enforce heteronormativity, but if a woman tells you she has always known she is only attracted to other females, how does it make sense to hassle her about it?

          It’s a very complex subject, overall, and we all fall into different places on whatever it is. It’s the harassment that enrages me.

          Liked by 4 people

        • It might be possible in a genderless culture to look at sexual orientation without doing so being inherently abusive. But that’s the problem: heteronormativity puts homosexuals on the defensive every time this comes up. And understandably so. Why should you have to prove or demonstrate anything? Why is it considered acceptable to expect that of you?

          Liked by 3 people

        • Perhaps what you’re thinking of is body language? Body language never seems to get mentioned and yet it’s such a huge part of what makes someone seem ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’. Including if they are the “wrong” sex for that, what, style?

          Liked by 3 people

    • What’s interesting to me is that there are some men whose energy is, not feminine exactly, but less masculine than most men. But activisty trans women? So masculine. Nothing ambiguous about their energy at all.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Inner femininity, I keep coming across statements like that in press, women’s innate feminity, like I was reading this retrospective on the big anti nuke women’s camp that was in the UK, Greenham? Not sure, but anyway this article said women wanted a woman’s only space so they could “celebrate their shared feminity”, yeah no, I don’t think that’s what’s it was about. I don’t know, I think this innate feminity bullshit is just a polite way for men and their cheerleaders to call women innate twats in feministy progressive sort of way

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    • I always figured the point was to do stuff together without all these dudes in our faces. What we did together seemed secondary. I mean, who the hell knows what we might do without dudes around? No way to find out other than doing it. Too bad that’s virtually illegal now.

      Liked by 3 people

    • Greenham Common was basically year-round CND Michfest, as I understand it. It was primarily a women’s and feminist protest because nukes are some antilife shit.

      I was way too young as a preteen to run off to the camp, but I always wanted to, rofl. /runs off to Amazon to pick up every 1p book from the 80s on it she can find

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Concern Troll. Everytime “she” said ‘inner femininity’ I wanted to smack her in the face. And really I’m not that kind of person.

    I like how in the last hunk of her that you quoted she’s basically threatening you in a passive aggressive way, with being considered a bad person that ‘You don’t want to be a bad person do you? No? Good.’ Just like talking to a dog. ‘You need to open yourself up and not be all closed in and yucky. Yes you do.’

    On intersex, Rachel was really going for Cliché Artist of the Year, I’m pretty sure they don’t actually have genitals that ‘look halfway in between’. Whatever the fuck that would mean. In fact one of the things that was so outrageous about the whole intersex treatment was if a boy baby’s penis was “too small” (According to a bunch of homophobic self-deluded male doctors) they would castrate him, amputate his penis and turn them into a “girl”. All when he’s a baby, no consent from him. And they would pressure the parents too. This was in the early 60s. And that process that I just described with the operations, is where the sex change operation comes from. Just in case anyone didn’t know. Of course you probably already knew that. Doesn’t hurt to say it again.

    I LOVE the bit about how men can connect with women. Without having to pretend to be women. That’s always worth remembering.

    The ‘homosexuality was called a sickness too’ argument is very annoying. Homosexuality moved up from being sin/evil to being an illness. It’s a complicated, strange history. But transgender/transsexualism, and this really burns my socks so I may get a bit heated, has always been a fucking disease! Elsewise why would they be getting medical treatment?! They feel that stigmatizes them. Hello, that’s true for everybody with a disease or disability. Get over it. So now they want to travel the same historical trajectory homosexuality did. Was considered a disease, later on was not considered a disease. Except homosexuality never was a disease. That’s like kind of an important prerequisite for this having happened. Just like if left-handedness had ever been considered a disease. It wasn’t it was only considered sinful. But if it had been considered a disease then there would’ve been a point in history where that stupidity was dropped. But there’s no possible way for any of the variations on “trans” to be considered not a disease as long as there are medical treatments involved, FFS. They need to get a new line. Of course they won’t. Pardon my ire.

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    • Speaking as a woman who grew up rural, I always see them as wanting to be “ladies” (the term in my native dialect is not complimentary) more than women. Women where I am from are proud of our hard work. A little like friend Cheki’s story about the office women and the wife who made pot noodle. There’s a pride in doing the jobs women do and doing them well. And to be a “lady who won’t want to chip her nail” is to be below even a newlywed girl who serves ramen for supper.

      Liked by 5 people

      • ‘Ladies’. Exactly. And not just Ladies, Southern Ladies. Blanche Dubois.

        Except maybe that’s just the cover story, their public version of ‘being a lady’ when the real motive is entirely sissy porn. Has to because considered. 🤔

        4thwavenow calls this whole thing the greatest mass delusion in modern history. I think she’s right. And it’s going to be so interesting if it ever does hit the mainstream media that this was ALL about sexual fetishism, of a fake-masochist kind. Where the most masochist, demeaning thing to be these particular fetishist men could think of was: woman.

        Liked by 2 people

        • Good, but it’s real masochism. You read Cheki’s analyses of this, no? She made a most convincing case.

          I’d like to see mainstream press address how the combination of Internet and porn is driving all this, but I’m not holding my breath.

          Liked by 3 people

  4. I was horribly embarrassed once to make beans and cornbread with seasoned greens for my guests. I felt so bad about it (it was the equivalent of making nothing but ramen for dinner in my head) that I wound up doing a dozen eggs into deviled eggs at what was meant to be a simple supper because every woman with any hand in raising me was howling in my head over offering cornbread and beans to invited guests. (Mind you, none of them were from my region and they loved the “exotic” fare.)

    I can’t imagine a trans woman suffering the same agonies (or for that matter making hand patted corn cakes.)

    Liked by 5 people

    • You just break my heart at times, friendpilgrim. All this love and talent and skill and sorrow and worry.

      I would give my eyeteeth for a friend like you, in worldspace. Except I don’t really think I’d deserve you. But it’s nice to get to know you, a bit, now and then.

      Liked by 3 people

      • It’s the whole “not from around there” thing. My guests were all northern northerners (like Minnesota) and had never eaten BBQ beans with corn cakes. As for the seasoned greens, one guest told me he had taken the smallest possible politeness serving at first because he thought he wouldn’t like it, but wound up taking an old yogurt tub of the leftovers after dinner and begging me to show him what I had done.

        But if my granny ever found out I had served an invited guest that, she’d have asked if I was having money troubles and invited me to move back south, or called up my aunt in Florida to ask her to let me live in the guest room. The closest people here seem to have to the concept is serving guests a tuna noodle casserole.

        Liked by 5 people

        • I am not fond of the dish, so I would probably make something else, in all honesty. Blame a babysitter in early childhood who thought she could make me clean my plate. She lost that contest of wills when the leftover tuna began to stink up her fridge.

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        • For an alternate dish, also inexpensive and relatively easy (but much better for you) may I suggest fatteh bel bathenjan? Roasted eggplant layered with pita chips and chickpeas and mint and garlic, then covered in a garlicky warm yogurt sauce. Garnish with more mint or if they are in season, pomegranate seeds.

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        • I’ve pretty much given up on eating animals again, so no tuna noodle for me, and wheat flour doesn’t agree. I’d have to figure out how to make gluten-free pita.

          I do have a decent moussaka recipe I came up with, involving roasted eggplant, tomatoes, red lentils, potatoes, feta, zucchini, and a bechamel kinda on top. I think maybe red bell peppers too, onions, etc.

          Eggplant cubed and roasted, basted with olive oil, isn’t half bad. I’ve done that with marinated tofu too, but I kinda like the eggplant better.

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        • Eggplant is totally better. My favorite tofu dishes are all fried. Agedashi dofu, inarizushi, and deep fried firm tofu with sweet and sour.

          As for substituting for the pita, I think I’d do the Persian style of crispy rice, or, better yet, do eggplant in pomegranate with rice including part of the crispy bit. Or imam bayildi which is a sublime pleasure.

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        • I know exactly what you mean. Serving guests, especially for the evening meal, tuna casserole is the food equivalent of wearing house slippers to the grocery store. 😫

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        • It makes me think of the time I was in A Foreign Embassy for a party. It was a great party for the most part, but unlike the Canadian Embassy which has the best bathrooms ever, this is one of many smaller embassies located in gorgeous but old and inconvenient mansions near DuPont Circle.

          The only women’s restroom I could find was a single seater down a steep flight of stairs from a coat closet off the main ballroom. So I, along with all the other women, clustered together in a coat closet, resolutely not thinking about tea. So as I was the foreigner in the room, they asked me how I enjoyed the food and the music and the grandeur of the embassy and I made all the appropriate responses then asked them about how the dishes would go together to make a meal. I noted that the cabbage rolls reminded me of something I had once eaten, but instead of beef, it had been stuffed with lentils. One woman shook her head very gravely and said that she had not thought people in America would be so poor they ate lentils instead of beef. I think she would have been as embarrassed to serve lentils and cabbage as I was to serve beans and cornbread.

          Liked by 2 people

  5. I seem to remember some comment somewhere on this blog where someone claimed to have observed radfems who are against men who wear skirts. Did that person end up providing a link?
    As you know, I am an avid fantasy fan and like dragons and unicorns and such. Gender-role-enforcing radfems seem like a similarly rare beast. 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  6. I didn’t read all this or the comments because I didn’t want to get triggered into arguing with this woman the whole time I’m out for my walk and mowing the lawn this morning (there are few things more INFURIATING then this kind of condescension, especially offered by people who have no fucking clue what it’s like to be in the midst of the trans culture) but I really, really hope you got yourself some kind of nice treat after typing this all out. I’d need a beer or an ice cream, or both, at least!

    Liked by 3 people

        • I prefer to nail them about their rampant logical fallacies, and then announce that the conversation has become boring because they can’t or won’t debate, and that I am now going to amuse myself by going outside and gazing at the sky.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I don’t engage with them at all, now. I don’t blog about these matters, am not signed up on Twitter or Tumblr or Reddit, and the WP blogs I follow are private or don’t let such comments through. I had quite enough of trolls at the blog I used to mod before I hit peak trans.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I have active accounts everywhere but FB, but I don’t use most of them. I like to hang out on Twitter to pick up on the buzz, and sometimes I get involved with some discussion with some clueless person, though that will likely get old soon. It’s mostly fun to watch the other women doing the educating.

          I don’t let any of that into my blog, I am a pretty merciless comment moderator. I usually don’t get hassled though.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I use all of those too. Fuck! and variations on that theme are my defaults, at least depending who I’m with. I picked that up a decade ago at my workplace, lol. I won’t use motherf… because it turns my stomach. I won’t use c… because it seems impossible to reclaim, it’s far too loaded now. I did read its old diminutive, cunny, in a fanfic recently. (It was used as part of a compliment by a time-travelling character, but the modern recipient nearly fell out of bed laughing.) Probably because of that context, I quite like it as a private, playful word. The other? No way.

          Liked by 2 people

  7. I just love it when people condescend with statements like:

    “I like to think that you all want to be open-minded, considerate individuals, right? That does mean sometimes opening yourself up to ideas that seem to go against your personal beliefs. That allows you to grow as a more well-rounded person.”

    Obviously, they want to present themselves as the superior, wiser, more knowledgeable, worldly one trying to persuade poor schmucks to engage in critical thinking and open-mindedness. Oh, barf. How transparent. However did the world ever get on before they were born?!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I want to thank you all for the brilliant commentary. Half way through reading “Rachel” transmansplaining gender, I was ready to throw my computer out the window. Fotunately, I knew I could count on Purple Sage and all the grand commenters to slice and dice Rachel’s mishegoss. You say what I’m thinking but cannot artiuculate. I am so grateful.

    Liked by 3 people

        • Yeah, I’d been going with tshirts and sweatshorts in the summer. Boxer shorts, whole new world opened up.

          I have the basics of cookery mastered, plus there are a few things I do well, but FP has whole multiple cuisines mastered. The kind of chef you’d like to just watch. But at least recipe tips give one some ideas.

          Liked by 3 people

        • I would not say multiple cuisines mastered. I enjoy multiple cuisines and can cook (and menu plan) to a limited extent in a few, but mastery is a whole level beyond me for the cuisines I learned as a guest. The only one I can claim mastery of is the one I was raised in. You want southern American vegetarian, I’m the woman to cook with. But I have studied classical French cuisine, northern Indian (and would love to study other regions), Lebanese, and a few others because I love to cook and I love to learn.

          Liked by 3 people

        • Fair enough. I could get inspired to do Mexican better. I have an okay vegetarian black bean molé that I make a lot, and a few good enchilada recipes. I dabble around in Southwestern vegetarian, basically. A lot of rearranging the same stuff. Squash, corn, beans, peppers, tomatoes, subtropical fruit. Pecans. Limes, lots of limes. I can reliably get good mangoes, pineapple, avocadoes. Nothing to sneeze at, that.

          Liked by 2 people

        • It really isn’t. I’ve had people assume I was Latina in the past by looking at what I was cooking with. I lived in a Salvadoran neighborhood and have made black bean and squash pupusas ahead to have something easy in the freezer. And I used to pack mangoes in my lunch frequently. I would love to learn more about the cuisines of the Americas. I had begun learning from some of the people at NMAI and of course my neighbors , but got a bit sidetracked when my life went pear shaped.

          Liked by 2 people

        • When I was a kid in Los Angeles, my mom would make..sopas? This does not seem to be the right word, but they were like little handmade masa tortillas with a raised rim, and then you’d put stuff on them and eat them like an open-faced taco. I don’t think they were pressed, it was a handshaped job. Not sure how they were cooked.

          If I had to pick one cuisine, it would constitute the variations of this one, though there are lots of stellar Asian cuisines, and eastern European ones. And then there is Italy, and Greece..no end to the wonders, why don’t I have a grape vine? And let us not forget France.

          But since I am here I go with what’s around 🙂

          Liked by 3 people

        • I wonder if the process is a little like chapatti? I once saw it on the menu of a restaurant and was so excited that my hands were making the motion to make them without me noticing. The waiter noticed and asked me if I had been to India. I have not, but my mom learned to make them with dal when I was a little girl and so I learned, too.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Also, FP, I don’t think I know the particulars of how your life went pearshaped, though I do remember some hints going by. I am sorry you have had difficulties. I have trouble understanding why someone like you should have difficulties; you are so clearly a good person to have around. People should welcome you and help make things easier for you. I am so sorry that you have not been properly appreciated.

          Liked by 2 people

        • People are very kind to me and my life has not gone as pear shaped as someone else’s might under the same circumstances, but trauma has combined with my underlying mental illness to make things a bit stickier than I would prefer.

          Liked by 2 people

        • Oh well, mental illness. See, I look at you and I see this really outgoing and talented woman who engages with community and is active about learning, and who seems so much more together than me. I don’t see mental illness.

          Then I look at myself, and that’s rather a darker picture. Depressive, avoidant, obsessive, addictive. I’m better than I used to be (usually) in some important ways, but overall, all I can manage is to focus on doing a few things, hopefully reasonably well, and that only because I have family help. And when anything bad happens it throws me badly. So.

          Liked by 1 person

        • I have periods of better functionality which alternate with periods where I have trouble doing basic stuff like paying bills. When I’m not doing well, I’m lucky to get work done. I also have survived repeated bouts of suicidality. (I just love it when the trans crowd talks suicide and dysphoria around me. I especially love the ones who have taken it up as a constant talking point so often that they’ve forgotten what it means.) I’ve gotten better over the years at identifying when my brain is trying to kill me and mostly cope by refusing to muster energy for that project. I originally moved here so nobody I knew would have to find the body. Luckily, I fucked that plan up royally. I’m on the upswing at the moment, but one of the major advantages of my marriage was that my husband was willing to do the stuff I couldn’t. And I don’t have that anymore.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks for sharing that.

          Last night I was busy emailing family members, saying “I’m not threatening to suicide here, but I wish I was dead.”

          I would rather that not happen. But sometimes things do get to be a bit much.

          I used to have men around who helped me with keeping my life in order. I can see how you could have gotten into such a situation. But one way or the other, the sexual pressure becomes unbearable. Either from them or their friends, direct or indirect.

          I want to try to get my life here better in order so I can extend invitations to women whose lives have hit walls. It’s as good a goal as any. It will take awhile, but I might be able to do it.

          Liked by 2 people

        • It’s an incredible goal. And I totally get the not suicidal but also no will to live thing. I don’t know how your illness works, but for me, that state can be one of the steps up after a dysphorics episode. Because it means I’m getting enough energy back to be upset. I hope that you are heading for an upswing, too. Hugs if you want them.

          Liked by 2 people

        • And I’m sorry you’ve had to cope with a crappy brain too. You wanna know about my “wrong body?” I identify as someone with functioning neuroreceptors. I bet you do, too.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I identify as a really, really angry woman. The manic stuff can get a bit much, I am trying not to identify with that. I used to be a lot more depressed, now I am trans-angry.

          Liked by 2 people

        • I once had a therapist give me a book to read that talked about how women don’t allow ourselves to feel angry at outside things, so we turn it inward. I sometimes wonder if all the emotion I don’t feel when I’m in a depressive episode is anger.

          Liked by 3 people

        • An anonymous woman wrote a great blog post that I published with her permission on my blog, awhile back. It’s called “I Know I’m a Woman.” It’s all about how the culture treats women specifically, and one of my favorite bits is “I know I’m a woman because I’m not allowed to be angry, just crazy.”

          Liked by 3 people

  9. On top of everything else that’s stupid and infuriating about this idiot’s spiel, that deep genuine connection she says her trans women friends are looking for? It’s impossible to forge that kind of connection with someone when that person is not allowing you to be honest, either with them or with yourself. I can’t think of anything less likely to make me want to really open myself up to a person and form a deep connection than them making it clear that I’m expected to allow them to decide what I see when I look at them, allow them to quite literally control my perceptions and override any perceptions that they don’t approve of. That’s not a friend, or a lover, that’s someone who wants to be worshiped like a deity, or an abuser, or a cult leader. The insistence on invading women’s spaces in a physical sense is bad enough, but this attempt at psychic invasion is actually much, much worse.

    You don’t get to tell other people how they should perceive you. You just don’t. If someone looks at you and doesn’t see a woman, that’s not them being a bad person, it’s just their brain interpreting the information that they’re being presented with via the senses and reaching a conclusion about what category of human the person they’re interacting with is part of. There’s nothing evil about this, it’s just how human brains work. But attempting to override that, and trying to make people feel guilty for having enough subjectivity to recognize that what they’re seeing and feeling is different to what you’re telling them they ought to see and feel? That’s evil. It’s wrong. It’s also never going to work, unless it’s accompanied with cult-style brainwashing, but the ineffectiveness doesn’t mean that what the person is trying to do isn’t fundamentally wrong. If you do this you are attempting to annihilate someone else’s ability to trust their own judgement and denying them the right to have thoughts and feelings of their own, and that means that the bad person in this scenario? Is you.

    Liked by 6 people

      • It’s so bizarre. Are they new to our planet? Have they never met humans before? Trying to force a connection will make people want to avoid you, not want to get closer to you. When people react to that kind of behavior with discomfort that’s not bigotry, it’s the standard reaction to a person refusing to observe social boundaries.

        It always makes me feel like I’m trying to explain human emotions to Data from Star Trek, but without the general air of amiability or the cute cat.

        Liked by 3 people

        • It reads to me as simple harassment, like catcalling. That usually doesn’t work either. Also some men work with a scattershot approach: they hit on women endlessly with the optimistic expectation that they will eventually get at someone whose guard is down. If you’ve been recently traumatized, it can be easy to groom you in such a situation. Some men even learn to spot symptoms of abuse and target such women, because they are more vulnerable.

          People in abusive situations dissociate. On one level they know the whole thing is wrong, but they go along with it anyway. So it’s less like they are generally trying to convince people than it is a kind of fishing expedition, with the added benefit of having a rage platform.

          Liked by 1 person

        • If Rachel is a woman my take is that she’s forced herself to not listen to her own discomfort, and seeing other women acknowledge ours and state our boundaries threatens that as a coping strategy, so we must be proven to be wrong. You see the same thing with very conservative women sometimes, this “well I’ve forced myself to live within these boundaries so I must persuade other women to do the same or I’ll have to think about the fact that the situation I’m in is awful and could have been different”.

          Liked by 3 people

  10. Yes, sopas is the right word and you can even get them pre-made, then you can stuff the sopas with whatever you like. Or you can make them homemade.

    Liked by 3 people

  11. That was PAINFUL.

    Rachel, whoever you are, I have pity for you. You are obviously suffering and I’m sorry that you were indoctrinated by these evil profiteers to believe that you are a woman.

    I never wanted to be a man. I’ve always wanted to be a woman. I’d have given anything to be a woman. But guess what? Taking your penis out and replacing it with a hole doesn’t make you a woman. Changing your hormone levels doesn’t make you a woman. Wearing a dress doesn’t make you a woman. Crossing your legs doesn’t make you a woman. There is nothing that a man can do to become a woman.

    I’m not a Christian bigot who hates transgender people. I’m an atheist. I don’t hate any transgender people, except those who make profits and get popularity from shilling the lies. I don’t hate you.

    I know this sort of thing doesn’t “sell,” there’s no money or ego to be made in it (which is why they’ve sold you this bill of goods instead of the truth), and you won’t accept it, at least not now. That’s fine. But the truth won’t go away because you’re closing your eyes and singing loudly.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Thanks for this piece PS. You expressed many of my thoughts so eloquently. The who,e ‘femininity’ issue drives me spare. For some years I had a trans commenter on my blog until she outed me as an evil TERF (and along with a libfem, and a gay-who-claimed-he-was-a-feminist-and-don’t-argue-because-I-know-feminism-better-than-you), I decided to ban them. However my gripe with the trans person was the endless wittering about ‘feeling feminine’. Dressing ‘feminine’. And yes, being in touch with the same ‘inner feminine self’. After 50–60 years of being a woman I have never heard such tosh.

    When I pointed out that this obsession with femininity was doing nothing, absolutely nothing, for women (the ones born like that), and that all this trans devotion to achieving feminity was harming women who don’t wish to conform to gender stereotypes, I got transplained at. ‘I am subverting gender by doing this. I am defying patriarchy.’ Yeah. Right, sweetheart. Dream on. I so like being told how to be a woman and what it means by a man with a fake vagina who has to dilate every day, and thinks woman = frocks and make-up. ‘I want you to understand,’ they wrote. Never mind what I, the woman wanted or thought. So your pal Rach really reminded me of this selfish narcissistic attitude that seems so prevalent in the trans community. Bleugh.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. 2 things:

    1. Intersexed people are either male or female. Male: XY, XXY, XYY. Female: XX, XXX, XO.
    Got a Y chromosome anywhere? You’re male, have a nice day.

    2. You can’t reason with magical thinking. You can’t even tell these people they’re delusional, because they believe their delusions are real and that anyone who tells them otherwise is lying. Dare to tell them that wishing doesn’t make it so, and they’ll accuse YOU of being the delusional one.

    Liked by 1 person

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