I’m kind of hoping that this is exaggerated and that things aren’t really this bad. Maybe she just took the worst examples to make her point about raunch culture? But this is pretty bad. And I’m betting some of this is true.
Levy describes the “boi” lesbian scene in New York and San Francisco in the 2000s and it’s full of misogyny and immaturity.
“Boihood has nothing to do with goddesses or sisterhood or herbal tea, and everything to do with being young, hip, sex positive, a little masculine, and ready to rock. Even in an entirely female universe, there are plenty of women who want to be like a man.
But bois want to be like a very young man. It’s no coincidence that the word is “boi” and not some version of “man.” Men have to deal with responsibilities, wives, careers, car insurance. Bois just get to have fun and, if they’re lucky, sex. “I never really wanted to grow up, which is what a lot of the boi identity is about,” said Lissa Doty, who is thirty-seven but looked more like twenty-four when we met for a beer in San Francisco at the Lexington Club, which everyone calls the Lex. She wore a baggy T-shirt and jeans and had gelled her bleached hair into a stiff fin, like the raised spine of a Komodo dragon. “I want to go out and have a good time! I want to be able to go out to the bar at night and go to parties and go to the amusement park and play. That sense of play-that’s a big difference from being a butch. To me, butch is like adult. If you’re a butch, you’re a grown-up: You’re the man of the house.”
There are definitely lesbians who “feel like” teenage boys. I’ve run into a few of them on the Internet. I’ve met a few “frat boy” type lesbians before, who walk with a swagger and see women as conquests. The ones I’ve met in real life are charming, not misogynist like the ones that Levy describes here.
“At a lesbian bar called Meow Mix, a girl in a newsboy cap and a white T-shirt with rolled-up sleeves said to her friend, “Some femme … just some fucking femme. I met her at a party three weeks ago and I fucked her and that was cool. But now she’s like, e-mailing me and I’m just like, chill out, bitch!” Her chest was smooth and flat: She’d either had top surgery-a double mastectomy-or, more likely, she bound her breasts down to achieve the look. She thrust her forearm in front of her face as if she were rapping as she spoke: “Some of these chicks, it’s like you top them once and then they’re all up in your face. It’s like, did I get you off? Yes. Am I your new best friend? No. You know what I’m saying, bro?”
. . .
“There is another camp of bois who date femmes exclusively and follow a lockerroom code of ethics referenced by the phrase “bros before hos” or “bros before bitches,” which means they put the similarly masculine-identified women they hang out with in a different, higher category than the feminine women they have sex with. This school of bois tends to adhere to almost comically unreconstructed fifties gender roles. They just reposition themselves as the ones who wear the pants-they take Female Chauvinist Piggery to a whole different level.”
. . .
“During an interview, Sarah, a twenty-eight-year old market analyst, showed me an e-mail she’d received from an Internet acquaintance named Kelli regarding a femme they both knew from the scene. It read: “I hope she’s not a big deal, that you’re just riding her or whatever. Do you want me to keep an eye on her? Bros up bitches down.” Kelli’s peroration was a play on a catchphrase borrowed from sex traffickers: pimps up, hos down.”
What the fuck is this bullshit? Why are lesbians acting like the worst kind of straight men? Masculine lesbians in the 1950s opened doors and lit cigarettes for women, but these masculine lesbians want to be actual pimps. They are taking their cues about masculinity from rap videos and porn. They are more male-identified than I’ve ever seen women before, and it’s no surprise that they aren’t identifying as women. They’re either bois, genderqueers, FtMs, or anything else, as long as it’s not female. Females are just the pretty things they like to fuck, and are quite beneath them. Two bois in a relationship are called “faggots.” What is it with gay men calling themselves lesbians and lesbians calling themselves gay men?? Words have no meaning anymore.
Levy interviews a woman named Kim who is dating a boi named Clara. Kim says, “Clara’s biggest fear when we started dating was that I was going to try and fuck her.” So now we’ve gone back to the 1950s where butches had to make sure they were not “flipped“? I can’t imagine how it could make sense to be “afraid” your girlfriend is going to “try and fuck you.” First of all, if you are in a sexual relationship, wouldn’t you want your partner to pleasure you? Secondly, if you are afraid that your partner will do something to you that you don’t want, that is definitely an abusive relationship. But I don’t think Kim is actually abusive, I think Clara just has this male persona and fears being emasculated.
“Clara’s got this intense thing, her and her friends have a really strong distaste for this whole trans trendy explosion that’s going on,” said Kim. “But the more I hang out with her the more I’m completely convinced she’s a closet trans case: She’s obsessed with operating sexually as a male. Completely obsessed. She doesn’t make any reference to being queer or lesbian at all. And she sees all of her lesbian traits-either emotional or physical-as completely negative. I’ve never met anyone who wishes that she was a guy so much.” Kim thought about it for a minute and concluded, “Whereas a butch is somebody who is, I guess, a little more comfortable with the fact that she actually is female.”
Why the fuck would a lesbian want to “operate sexually as a male?” I used to date men, and I switched to women for a reason. Women are way better. I don’t want my partner to “operate sexually as a male,” I want her to operate sexually as a female. To me, “operate sexually as a male” means be a fucking asshole who is selfish in bed and only wants to fuck and doesn’t give a shit about me getting anything out of it. These women would please their partners way better as butch women than as pseudo-“men.” Is their goal during sex to please their partners, or is it to confirm their “identities?”
“This all ties into their kind of approach to women in general-they are so very predatory about it. Clara won’t just touch on it like That girl’s hot. She will talk and talk and talk about how she wants to get them home and fuck them.” She looked at Diana. “I’m nervous to see her now because I’m not dressed up. And then all of a sudden it’s like I’m trying to please a guy. It’s like I’ve come full circle.”
This woman Clara sounds like she wants to be exactly like a male porn star. (And you know, there actually is a lesbian who turned into a male porn star—Buck Angel. What a role model!)
By the way, if you want to be an asshole in bed, that’s not sex-positive, that’s sex-negative.
I don’t want anything to do with this lesbian-porn-star community. Give me a group of herbal tea drinking, politically correct lesbian separatists any day over this I Wanna Be A Teenage Boy Pimp nonsense. A butch woman should be a handsome, dapper woman who knows how to treat her girlfriend right, and if she likes to be on top, that’s great, but that doesn’t mean she has to be a misogynist dickhead with a fear of being emasculated. It’s entirely possible to be a top and also a good person at the same time.
These fucking kids need to get the fuck off my lawn!