Everyone needs to read this post by theacknowledgementchronicles called “It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch lesbian.”
She writes about how identifying as a lesbian has fallen out of fashion:
“As time passed, I started to feel ashamed about being a lesbian within the queer community. As one ex said to me “lesbianism is sooooo last century”. I was butch too, a real stereotype. I was ashamed of being a butch lesbian stereotype, and felt that I sucked at being a woman so much, that maybe I couldn’t be one, but the term “genderqueer” left me cold. I also didn’t fancy men, and they didn’t fancy me.”
How using the right pronoun is super important except for when addressing a masculine woman, in which case you have to use any pronoun but female ones since a masculine woman couldn’t possibly be female:
“The same queers who were screaming bloody murder about people not getting their pronouns right, started to use gender neutral pronouns for me without asking. It didn’t feel right. Occasionally someone would ask what pronoun I used, and on hearing me say “she and her” would double take and say “are you sure?”
Why weren’t these queers taking my first answer?”
Someone she knows actually said to her:
“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch woman.”
This is such anti-lesbian and sexist bullshit. Our friend FeistyAmazon made an excellent comment about this on Facebook:
“The truth is..I have seen so many HANDSOME Butches transition in SF and it is They Who get ugly. Their skin changes, they smell bad, they often dress unkemptly..often in a grunge style, some lose their hair into male pattern baldness, their voices lower..they become UGLY as “men”, whereas as a Butch they were attractive and handsome and a nice dresser. And they lose their beautiful breasts and gain facial and body hair. UGH…I am into Butch Dykes, NOT MEN OF ANY SORT!!!”
I’m definitely not going to make friends with any FtMs with this, but this is a pro-lesbian blog, so I have to say a few things.
Butch lesbians are not men, they are women, and they will not get more attractive by transitioning, they will get less attractive, in fact. If you are female and attracted to females, your best choice of partner is another lesbian (or bisexual woman), not a straight woman. Straight women are attracted to men who are male, and they are allowed to have that preference (as much as I don’t understand it myself!)
When the goddess made lesbians, she made some of them masculine and some of them attracted to masculine ones. Masculine women are perfect and attractive the way they are. They don’t need to try to “pass” as men. Passing as a man will make them less attractive to the type of people who are capable of loving them.
It’s better to be a handsome butch lesbian than an ugly boy!