Let’s avoid “gender fraud” by just being honest

In the last few days, several news stories have come across my news feed where a gay or lesbian person has been pretending to be the opposite sex to get into bed with straight people. This does not go well.

In 2013, a 26-year-old woman was put on probation for pretending to be a teenage boy and having sexual contact with two teenage girls. The woman identifies as a man and wanted to have sex-reassignment.

Earlier this year, a 25-year-old woman was jailed for 8 years for pretending to be a man to have sex with her female friend. She does not seem to have a male gender identity.

A MtF trans teen has his own BBC documentary about trying to date straight men and being rejected.

In all three of these cases, the subject is actually homosexual but pretending not to be. Even though same-same marriage is being legalized in more and more countries, homophobia persists, and many of us are still having a really hard time coming to terms with being gay. It is especially hard for those who are gender non-conforming.

The first story I listed here is a woman who has identified as a man for some time, and was presenting as male when she had sexual contact with each of her two victims. I do not diagnose her with a gender identity; I diagnose her with internalized homophobia. Sadly, she not only identified herself as male, but also as much younger than her real age. It is true that women who take testosterone often look like teenage boys, but it’s not okay for a 26-year-old to pretend to be a teenager in order to have sex with teenagers. What she did is not acceptable. My heart breaks when I read about this situation. If she had been accepting of her lesbian sexuality maybe she could have pursued honest relationships with women her own age. If she could have been a happy and healthy lesbian then she wouldn’t have ever decided to assault these two girls. The two victims no doubt feel violated and possibly traumatized by being deceived this way.

The second story I linked above is an odd one. A woman who, judging by her picture, is a normal-looking feminine woman, pretended to be a man over a long period of time so she could have an intimate relationship with her female friend. She had an elaborately designed male persona and had sex with her female friend 10 times using a strap-on before her friend discovered that she was female. She has suggested that her friend knew she was female the whole time and that they both struggled with being lesbians. I don’t know these people and I cannot verify if that is true or not. It is a tragic story either way. If the victim was aware that her lover was female and went to the police anyway, that is tragic, and if she really believed her lover was male, that is tragic too. No one should pretend to be someone else in order to obtain an intimate relationship. You cannot give informed consent when you don’t know who your partner actually is. Another tragic part of this story that is worth mentioning is that this woman was given more jail time than several pedophiles. Surely, two adults having sex that would have been consensual if it weren’t for identity fraud is not as bad as an adult assaulting multiple children who absolutely did not consent in any way. This woman did something wrong but it was not actually as bad as pedophilia! This is an overly harsh penalty against a struggling lesbian while male abusers are given a slap on the wrist. The same lesbophobia that led to her commit “gender fraud” is crushing her once again. She will come out of prison much worse off.

The third article linked above is a male teenager who made a documentary of his struggles to get straight males to date him. He has obviously been taking hormones for a while because he appears very feminine and probably passes a lot, until he speaks. I watched the video available in the article and as soon as he speaks you can clearly hear his male voice. His voice sounds familiar to me—it’s the voice of a feminine gay boy. It’s no wonder straight guys don’t want to date him—they aren’t interested in other men! I feel sorry for him, actually. He’s convinced that the way to live his life is to pretend to be female so he can express his personality without getting beat up and so he can date men. He wants to have sex reassignment surgery and live his life as a woman. But the thing is, he’s a male attracted to other males—something that we used to call “a gay man” before everyone in the world was trans. He’s a particular kind of gay man—the very feminine kind, the kind who likes to be pretty and sparkly. Just as there is no representation of butch women anywhere, there is also no representation of feminine men. He probably cannot see himself living in the world as a man and cannot imagine that there are any other men like him. But there are. In every generation, there are some men who like to be pink and sparkly and pretty and who are hot for other men. Before we were calling them “trans women,” we were calling them “flaming faggots.” It’s never been easy for them. Things won’t get easier for this man if he gets sex-reassignment surgery. Straight men will still often reject him (sometimes violently) and gay men might reject him too since he will appear female. He’d be better off leaving his male body intact and forming honest relationships with gay men.

I keep seeing articles about young boys whose parents gush: “We’ve always known she was a girl because she has this pink, sparkly essence about her!” (Of course, no one says this about actual females!) Whenever I see this I think to myself, yes, your son has a pink and sparkly essence, but that’s not because he’s a girl. That’s because he’s a flaming gay boy who someday is going to be floating around the dance floor at the gay bar in a cloud of glitter, makeup and sparkles and rub up against the other gay boys and probably bend over once in a while to give a quick suck when the bouncer isn’t looking. And the parents know this, which is why they’re really happy they can “cure” their son of this before he grows up by turning him into a girl. The gay problem is solved! Meanwhile, of course, most girls don’t actually have a “pink and sparkly essence.”

Julie Bindel documented how the gay and lesbian rights movement became more conservative over the years. I remember in university we had a gay group who was usually pretty cheerful and full of rainbows, and there were lots of conservative gay guys who hated us and would make this comment: “I don’t want to shit rainbows.” That comment stuck with me because I was always amazed at these closeted, masculine gay men who wanted to fuck other guys in private but pretend to be “normal” in public and they were absolutely embarrassed by gays who were out and proud and political. I also knew a lesbian woman who would say “I hate gay people” and what she meant was that she couldn’t stand those of us who were out and proud because we were embarrassing. This sort of thing has been happening everywhere I think, because we do not have any gay role models any more who are bright and cheerful and loud and proud. We’ve been subdued. We have gays and lesbians getting married and having kids and assimilating into “normal” society and being “just like everybody else” and then we have these flamers who can’t fit in and can’t even call themselves gay and who are hiding as the opposite sex. What the gay movement really needs is some loud and proud gender-non-conforming role models who can publicly declare that they are gay and proud of it. There are, in fact, women like this—and you can tell who they are because they’re being slandered as TERFs. Unfortunately, young lesbians are being taught to believe that their role models are the spawn of Satan and to ignore what they say because they’re “bigoted” against men in dresses. With regards to gender-non-conforming gay male role models, where are they? I haven’t seen any proud Flaming Faggots in a while. I think they’re all trans women now. Once in a while I click on a video of some “trans woman” giving a makeup tutorial on Youtube and I’m like, “Oh—so that’s where the pink sparkly gay boys went.” Why can’t they just call themselves gay men? Why lie? There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Does this still need to be explained in 2015? There’s nothing wrong with being a pink and sparkly flaming faggot. They have been bringing colour and fabulousness to the gay community since forever.

An article in the New Statesman about these recent cases of “gender fraud” presents transphobia as the problem instead of homophobia. The author examines some cases of gender fraud and then concludes:

“In other words, the coercive power of law is being used to endorse the views of some cisgender people concerning the definition of something so personal as gender identity. While some people might want to say that trans men are not men, and others might want to defend their right to say so, what we need to recognise is that the stamping of such a view with the imprimatur of criminal law is an act that is as partial as it is brutal. This is not a matter of free speech and censorship. Nor, fundamentally, is it a matter of cisgender sexual autonomy. Rather it is a matter of state violence occasioned through the delegation of responsibility for defining and enforcing gender norms to cisgender people.”

He totally misses the point. Transgenderism takes us farther away from reality. Instead of naming homophobia as a problem that leads gay and lesbian people to struggle and become mentally ill and hurt others, he frames it as if lesbians really are men, and that they are being oppressed by the “cisgender” population. He is so convinced that lesbians are real men that he makes this daft comment:

“Second, it is important to recognise that for some transgender men, a prosthesis is experienced as a penis. To insist on a distinction between the fleshy and the non-fleshy penis in legal constructions of consent is to misunderstand this important phenomenological issue and point of gender variance.”

There is a big huge difference between a “fleshy penis” and a “non-fleshy penis.” The difference is one of them is a part of the human body and a reproductive organ that actually causes pregnancy when inserted into a female; the other is an inanimate object made of silicone. It would absolutely not be okay for the law to treat these as the same thing. A trans man might really want her dildo to be a penis but it’s not. And there is a difference between sexual assault with a penis and sexual assault with a dildo. The penis can cause much more damage during rape, because it can cause STIs and pregnancy. (Technically, a dildo can spread an STI if it is moved from person to person without washing it, but there isn’t exactly an epidemic of this happening.) As a feminist, I am alarmed that transgenderists want the law to refuse to recognize the difference between a penis and an inanimate object.

I wish everyone would just tell the truth. Males are not females, and females are not males. A male attracted to males is a homosexual male, and a female attracted to females is a homosexual female. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. There is something wrong with pretending to be something that you are not and deceiving your sexual partners. Straight people have the right to refuse sexual activity with people of the same sex, and gay people have the right to refuse sexual activity with people of the opposite sex. Honoring your sexual orientation and setting boundaries is healthy, not “bigoted.” Honesty is the best policy in your love life and everywhere else.

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38 thoughts on “Let’s avoid “gender fraud” by just being honest

    • Absolutely! — And, because biological sex is an inextricable part of being sexually intimate with someone, it is absolutely relevant. People argue: “You don’t always tell someone your whole life story before sleeping with them, do you?” No, I don’t — nor is that even a reasonable expectation, considering the fact that my life story isn’t over yet. But, it IS a reasonable expectation that someone let you know what their biological sex is before being sexually intimate with them. Just like whether one has STDs or not, whether they are of consenting age, what one is interested in doing in the bedroom, and the amount of experience one may or may not have had, is absolutely relevant to that act.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Hmm… It’s like the tired old anti-lesbian argument of “well, if you like your partner to use a dildo on you then you should be fine with a dick”, except in reverse 😔

    I suppose changing the law to supporting lesbians who trick women into having sex with them whilst using dildos (previously known as rape via deception) WOULD benefit males who want to rape lesbians with their actual dicks. After all, if the lesbian consented to being penetrated by a dildo, and there is now no legal distinction between dildos and dicks, then, according to the law, she also consented to dick. Abracadabra! A male’s desire to rape women is now deemed as just another ‘human right’ he is entitled to, a hard won victory fought for under the guise of transgender rights.

    Liked by 6 people

    • if the lesbian consented to being penetrated by a dildo, and there is now no legal distinction between dildos and dicks, then, according to the law, she also consented to dick

      This is such an important observation! It seems obvious now, but it didn’t actually click with me until you wrote it.

      Liked by 3 people

      • It’s scary, but this is what will happen if trans people’s ‘rights’ to put their gender feels before EVERYTHING, including the bodily/sexual autonomy of others, is allowed by the law.

        As we all know – lesbians are the autogynephiles biggest target, and with people transitioning younger and younger it may be difficult for young lesbians to tell who is male and who is female. This could actually become a big issue for lesbian teens before long.

        Liked by 4 people

    • Oh, I have a great argument against that whole lesbian/dildo argument people keep putting out there:

      Straight men have anal sex with their female partners, but this doesn’t mean that they want to have anal sex with a male, does it? Straight women have oral sex with their male partners, but it doesn’t mean they want oral sex with a lesbian, does it? Straight males get oral sex from their female partners, but it doesn’t mean they want a gay male giving them oral sex, does it?

      It’s all about context. What a lesbian wants is not a penis attached to a man, it is vaginal penetration from her female partner. Vaginal penetration can happen with fingers, with a penis, or with a sex toy. Oral sex can happen with someone from the same sex or the opposite sex. Anal sex can happen with someone from the same sex or the opposite sex. It’s not about what type of sexual stimulation is going on, it’s about WHO is doing it. That is what sexuality is. Lesbian is defined as a female who is exclusively sexually attracted to other females. So, all those varieties of stimulation can happen in that context, and it’s still lesbian sex — because of WHO is involved.

      On the other hand, penis is by definition a male organ, so it cannot be part of lesbian sex. Lesbians, by definition, are females exclusively sexually attracted to other females, so by definition, there is no male involved.

      Insisting that terms mean something that they don’t is not “progress,” it’s a delusion. It’s time that people see that they’ve been listening to mentally ill people. It should come as no surprise then, that the things that they’ve been saying don’t make all that much sense.

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  2. It’s so sad, isn’t it? I don’t care what happens to the autogynephile late-transitioners, but I pity the homosexuals, who, in the attempt to “cure” their homosexuality climbed out of the homosexual dating pool and now realize that the heterosexual dating pool doesn’t want them.

    Liked by 5 people

    • You summed it up perfectly. When I read this I thought hey that should be on a T-shirt! The part from ‘poor homosexuals’ on. And then I thought that would be the saddest T-shirt ever. T-shirts aside spreading information to younger gay people that transgender is recent and dubious and a notion, not really medical, is a piece of political work that needs to be done.

      Have you seen the most recent 4th Wave Now on the trans families? 😖

      Liked by 1 person

  3. All this hopeless lying is so pathetic and unnecessary. In the High and Far Off Times, some of us realized that sexist pigeonholes didn’t fit real people and we set off to change society.

    It didn’t change much, it was bloody difficult, it threatened love lives which nobody ever wants at all, so somewhere along the line it looks like too many people gave up. Now they’re trying to fit biology into the sexist pigeonholes instead.

    I wonder how many decades it’ll be before they realize that’s not going to work. Ever.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. I totally agree with you that the woman in the second case got way to harsh a sentence, and the sentence in the first case may have been a little light. Pure lesbophobia, as you say. They finally found someone they could could pin the “predatory lesbian” false media trope on and sentenced some hard time.

    She got hugely more time than the Steubenville rapists, who are now attending college and playing football. The Steubenville case had video evidence. Anonymous leaking it lead to their being charged. This is not right.

    But the most troubling thing here is the quotes from the New Statesman article. NOOOOO. You are NOT being progressive by stating that gays and lesbians are really trans. NOOOO. That’s saying gays and lesbians don’t really exist. Yesss, they do. Don’t take us back to the 1850’s.

    Full disclosure here, I’m a straight dude who came of age on the 80’s. LGB issues were huge in the city I grew up in, and the mayor of my city rose to power with the backing of our LGB community. Kathy Whitmire was who Dustin Hoffman was trying to look like in Tootsie.

    But what I learned back then from a strong lesbian and gay media presence is that men could like men and that didn’t mean that one of them was made a subordinate “bitch”, and that women could like women and both be fully women. How is that hard to understand?

    I’m really convinced that the trans movement is really an LG extermination movement. Dirt’s blog showed me part of this, and my belief that Jazz is actually a straight boy headed for doom as side damage convinced of this.

    Liked by 3 people

      • Yes, Jazz is headed for doom. He will be a porn victim if his family cuts off his support.

        There really is no reason to transition children other than homophobia. All controlled studies have shown that a little over half of GID folk settle in to a gay or lesbian life.

        Liked by 4 people

        • It’s strange how you say he’s heading for doom and will be a victim if his family cuts off his support… as if you’re wishing for it? Why would anyone have sympathy for someone like you if you wish such doom on others?

          Liked by 1 person

        • I have tremendous sympathy for Jazz. He never asked for what happened to him. There is no reason his parents couldn’t have let his freak flag fly as a GNC boy and just loved him. Gender nonconformity is not so serious an issue that loving parents will inject their children with GnRH agonists that were developed to shrink prostate and uterine tumors to facilitate cancer surgery in ADULTS. And to this day the makers of GnRH agonist chemotherapy agents DO NOT officially endorse the use of these drugs for supposed “puberty blocking”.

          Loving your gender non-compliant child should not be so serious a crisis as to require injections, pills, and surgery. Really? GnRH agonist “blockers” which will make a girl grow to a “boy” shorter than women of her cohort? After her double mastectomy I suppose she could play a male hobbit, But I think Peter Jackson is past all that. And BTW, they can never make her a dick.

          And the boys. Do you really think that “If he likes dolls, cut off his balls” is a maxim of sane people? Really? If you had a son and he liked dolls and pink would you really give him chemotherapy drugs which will keep his prostate from developing so that he always feels like he’s going to piss himself. And will you then go for the orchiectomy and even the supposed “neovagina”.

          I do not want Jazz to end up in the porn grinder. But that’s where he might end up. I hate porn, have been completely away from porn for a few years, and have always resisted porn because I didn’t really think I wanted my sex life to be like that. But I’ve seen enough to know that a good part of the transgender movement has come from porn and I can predict that Jazz could easily become niche porn without family support .

          Horrible Little Beasty, I liked your comment only because I could not nestle it under yours. I hope my “like” brings you back to this thread to understand that I have the deepest sympathy for Jazz.

          Liked by 1 person

  5. I just read a really important comment by PantyPopo on her blog. There is a difference in the ways that male and female transgenders are treated. Female transgenders who trick other females into sex are punished to the full extent of the law, and male transgenders who try to trick men into sex are given their own TV show where everybody is supposed to support and pity them. Same old patriarchy.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. ”There is something wrong with pretending to be something that you are not and deceiving your sexual partners.”

    I don’t think you had my situation in mind when you wrote that, but it rings very true for me. In the last year or so of still sharing a bed together, of being a married heterosexual couple, I started to retreat from my husband. As he continued to shave every part of himself, legs, arms, chest and exfoliate and moisturise his body I no longer desired him. On the other hand I possessed the body that he ultimately desired for himself. He would pass his hands over me, exploring a female body. I would ask him to ”stop feeling me”. I felt like he was gathering information, he wasn’t interested in my pleasure as a woman with a man or even his own as a man with a woman. So I didn’t respond to these touches. He would ask me what the problem was. Was I frigid? Was it the menopause? Was I a lesbian? Yes , he asked that. I didn’t really have an answer. I felt like an object; used, abused and discarded. If he couldn’t have my female body then in the end he created his own for himself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • A pal of mine had her firmer partner transition on her and take away their daughter. He was an asshole as a man,and just as much an asshole as a “woman”…nor despite outward appearance did she feel ANY likeness of womanly, compassionate qualities from.him. just as much privileged attitude as before he transitioned.

      I feel for the wives whose husband transitions, just as much as I feel for Lesbians whose partners decide to transition.to “male”. The relationships usually dont make it beyond the transition…partly because they get so narcissitic and self absorbed and so self hating of their original sex, which UNLESS their partner is bisexual, they did NOT sign on for that change and socil.upheaval…

      Liked by 1 person

      • It’s not just the narcissism or self-absorption — these people are transitioning into bodies that are incompatible with the sexuality of their partner. How could they be expected stay? That is literally an expectation for them to change their sexuality to suit their partner, and that isn’t fair at all. Someone can’t just change their sexual orientation at will.

        These trans people want people to respect their gender identities, but what about our sexualities? They claim that they can’t just change their gender identity at will. Our sexualities are no different. It doesn’t matter if someone loves you enough to turn the earth itself, if you have the wrong biological sex or have surgery to approximate the wrong biological sex, the attraction is not going to happen. I mean, could you imagine a straight male having their wife transition into a transman. Would you expect him to stay and have gay male sex with his former wife? Of course not. That’s ridiculous. Why should any more be expected of a woman? That’s a seriously unfair double-standard. A woman’s sexuality is not less than a man’s. Her identity isn’t less than a man’s. If someone’s sexuality doesn’t orient towards another person, that’s it. You can’t negotiate with the biology you were given — and it’s no different for women than it is for men. Trans people should know that better than anyone. They certainly don’t seem to give that consideration to others, though. (Not many of the trans people I’ve encountered, anyway.)

        Like

  7. ‘A male attracted to males is a homosexual male, and a female attracted to females is a homosexual female.’ Females who are attracted to females are lesbians – not homosexuals. Females are not males and we Feminists have for decades challenged and debunked malespeak language, which operates to erase fact we females are not ‘adjuncts of males.’ The original meaning of the term ‘homosexual’ refers to males because homo means male, which is why men always claim their human species was/is ‘homo sapiens.’ Ergo males are the default human species!

    Lesbians continue to be erased by men and their male supremacist system which is why mens’ latest lie that biological males can magically morph into females is being accepted as ‘mens’ definitive truths!’ This is why lesbian females are now supposedly not ‘females’ but males in the wrong body – ergo males in a female body!

    Men have always punished women who supposedly dare to enact what men claim are ‘male sex rights’ such as females wearing male clothing; females demanding the same human rights as males. Likewise mens’ Male Supremacist System has always severely punished any female who dared to pretend to be male in order to obtain sexual contact with a female! Male sex right to sexually prey on females continues to be ‘male sacrosanct sex rights.’ Mens’ Male Supremacist Legal System continues to punish a few token male sexual predators who have sexually preyed on females and/or boys because said token male punishments are designed to fool us females into believing males are routinely shamed and punished for their male sexual predation. However the root causes of male sexual predation upon all females and/or boys remain unchanged!

    This is why the young woman was severely punished by mens’ Male Supremacist System because she had the audacity to pretend to be a male in order to gain sexual access to a female.

    Like

  8. You might find this interesting: http://www.cbc.ca/radio/asithappens/as-it-happens-wednesday-edition-1.3324559/ruff-sex-scientists-identify-genetic-sequence-of-a-bird-with-four-genders-1.3324708

    Apparently there is a species of bird with a male gender named the “female mimic,” which impersonates females in order to gain reproductive access to them. I feel like this is a strong parallel to what the so-called “transwomen” who keep their male biology are doing. To transwomen who actually transition, that’s a whole different story. I’ve read about gender dysphoria, I’ve read the studies from Sweden, and the description of brain scans, and I’ve heard about comparable disorders with body image like body integrity identity disorder. That’s completely different from what some of these males are doing, impersonating females and then demanding access to them — their spaces and/or their bodies. There is a clear precedent in nature for this deceptive, malicious behavior and it should not be tolerated.

    Like

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