In the last few days, several news stories have come across my news feed where a gay or lesbian person has been pretending to be the opposite sex to get into bed with straight people. This does not go well.
In 2013, a 26-year-old woman was put on probation for pretending to be a teenage boy and having sexual contact with two teenage girls. The woman identifies as a man and wanted to have sex-reassignment.
Earlier this year, a 25-year-old woman was jailed for 8 years for pretending to be a man to have sex with her female friend. She does not seem to have a male gender identity.
A MtF trans teen has his own BBC documentary about trying to date straight men and being rejected.
In all three of these cases, the subject is actually homosexual but pretending not to be. Even though same-same marriage is being legalized in more and more countries, homophobia persists, and many of us are still having a really hard time coming to terms with being gay. It is especially hard for those who are gender non-conforming.
The first story I listed here is a woman who has identified as a man for some time, and was presenting as male when she had sexual contact with each of her two victims. I do not diagnose her with a gender identity; I diagnose her with internalized homophobia. Sadly, she not only identified herself as male, but also as much younger than her real age. It is true that women who take testosterone often look like teenage boys, but it’s not okay for a 26-year-old to pretend to be a teenager in order to have sex with teenagers. What she did is not acceptable. My heart breaks when I read about this situation. If she had been accepting of her lesbian sexuality maybe she could have pursued honest relationships with women her own age. If she could have been a happy and healthy lesbian then she wouldn’t have ever decided to assault these two girls. The two victims no doubt feel violated and possibly traumatized by being deceived this way.
The second story I linked above is an odd one. A woman who, judging by her picture, is a normal-looking feminine woman, pretended to be a man over a long period of time so she could have an intimate relationship with her female friend. She had an elaborately designed male persona and had sex with her female friend 10 times using a strap-on before her friend discovered that she was female. She has suggested that her friend knew she was female the whole time and that they both struggled with being lesbians. I don’t know these people and I cannot verify if that is true or not. It is a tragic story either way. If the victim was aware that her lover was female and went to the police anyway, that is tragic, and if she really believed her lover was male, that is tragic too. No one should pretend to be someone else in order to obtain an intimate relationship. You cannot give informed consent when you don’t know who your partner actually is. Another tragic part of this story that is worth mentioning is that this woman was given more jail time than several pedophiles. Surely, two adults having sex that would have been consensual if it weren’t for identity fraud is not as bad as an adult assaulting multiple children who absolutely did not consent in any way. This woman did something wrong but it was not actually as bad as pedophilia! This is an overly harsh penalty against a struggling lesbian while male abusers are given a slap on the wrist. The same lesbophobia that led to her commit “gender fraud” is crushing her once again. She will come out of prison much worse off.
The third article linked above is a male teenager who made a documentary of his struggles to get straight males to date him. He has obviously been taking hormones for a while because he appears very feminine and probably passes a lot, until he speaks. I watched the video available in the article and as soon as he speaks you can clearly hear his male voice. His voice sounds familiar to me—it’s the voice of a feminine gay boy. It’s no wonder straight guys don’t want to date him—they aren’t interested in other men! I feel sorry for him, actually. He’s convinced that the way to live his life is to pretend to be female so he can express his personality without getting beat up and so he can date men. He wants to have sex reassignment surgery and live his life as a woman. But the thing is, he’s a male attracted to other males—something that we used to call “a gay man” before everyone in the world was trans. He’s a particular kind of gay man—the very feminine kind, the kind who likes to be pretty and sparkly. Just as there is no representation of butch women anywhere, there is also no representation of feminine men. He probably cannot see himself living in the world as a man and cannot imagine that there are any other men like him. But there are. In every generation, there are some men who like to be pink and sparkly and pretty and who are hot for other men. Before we were calling them “trans women,” we were calling them “flaming faggots.” It’s never been easy for them. Things won’t get easier for this man if he gets sex-reassignment surgery. Straight men will still often reject him (sometimes violently) and gay men might reject him too since he will appear female. He’d be better off leaving his male body intact and forming honest relationships with gay men.
I keep seeing articles about young boys whose parents gush: “We’ve always known she was a girl because she has this pink, sparkly essence about her!” (Of course, no one says this about actual females!) Whenever I see this I think to myself, yes, your son has a pink and sparkly essence, but that’s not because he’s a girl. That’s because he’s a flaming gay boy who someday is going to be floating around the dance floor at the gay bar in a cloud of glitter, makeup and sparkles and rub up against the other gay boys and probably bend over once in a while to give a quick suck when the bouncer isn’t looking. And the parents know this, which is why they’re really happy they can “cure” their son of this before he grows up by turning him into a girl. The gay problem is solved! Meanwhile, of course, most girls don’t actually have a “pink and sparkly essence.”
Julie Bindel documented how the gay and lesbian rights movement became more conservative over the years. I remember in university we had a gay group who was usually pretty cheerful and full of rainbows, and there were lots of conservative gay guys who hated us and would make this comment: “I don’t want to shit rainbows.” That comment stuck with me because I was always amazed at these closeted, masculine gay men who wanted to fuck other guys in private but pretend to be “normal” in public and they were absolutely embarrassed by gays who were out and proud and political. I also knew a lesbian woman who would say “I hate gay people” and what she meant was that she couldn’t stand those of us who were out and proud because we were embarrassing. This sort of thing has been happening everywhere I think, because we do not have any gay role models any more who are bright and cheerful and loud and proud. We’ve been subdued. We have gays and lesbians getting married and having kids and assimilating into “normal” society and being “just like everybody else” and then we have these flamers who can’t fit in and can’t even call themselves gay and who are hiding as the opposite sex. What the gay movement really needs is some loud and proud gender-non-conforming role models who can publicly declare that they are gay and proud of it. There are, in fact, women like this—and you can tell who they are because they’re being slandered as TERFs. Unfortunately, young lesbians are being taught to believe that their role models are the spawn of Satan and to ignore what they say because they’re “bigoted” against men in dresses. With regards to gender-non-conforming gay male role models, where are they? I haven’t seen any proud Flaming Faggots in a while. I think they’re all trans women now. Once in a while I click on a video of some “trans woman” giving a makeup tutorial on Youtube and I’m like, “Oh—so that’s where the pink sparkly gay boys went.” Why can’t they just call themselves gay men? Why lie? There’s nothing wrong with being gay. Does this still need to be explained in 2015? There’s nothing wrong with being a pink and sparkly flaming faggot. They have been bringing colour and fabulousness to the gay community since forever.
An article in the New Statesman about these recent cases of “gender fraud” presents transphobia as the problem instead of homophobia. The author examines some cases of gender fraud and then concludes:
“In other words, the coercive power of law is being used to endorse the views of some cisgender people concerning the definition of something so personal as gender identity. While some people might want to say that trans men are not men, and others might want to defend their right to say so, what we need to recognise is that the stamping of such a view with the imprimatur of criminal law is an act that is as partial as it is brutal. This is not a matter of free speech and censorship. Nor, fundamentally, is it a matter of cisgender sexual autonomy. Rather it is a matter of state violence occasioned through the delegation of responsibility for defining and enforcing gender norms to cisgender people.”
He totally misses the point. Transgenderism takes us farther away from reality. Instead of naming homophobia as a problem that leads gay and lesbian people to struggle and become mentally ill and hurt others, he frames it as if lesbians really are men, and that they are being oppressed by the “cisgender” population. He is so convinced that lesbians are real men that he makes this daft comment:
“Second, it is important to recognise that for some transgender men, a prosthesis is experienced as a penis. To insist on a distinction between the fleshy and the non-fleshy penis in legal constructions of consent is to misunderstand this important phenomenological issue and point of gender variance.”
There is a big huge difference between a “fleshy penis” and a “non-fleshy penis.” The difference is one of them is a part of the human body and a reproductive organ that actually causes pregnancy when inserted into a female; the other is an inanimate object made of silicone. It would absolutely not be okay for the law to treat these as the same thing. A trans man might really want her dildo to be a penis but it’s not. And there is a difference between sexual assault with a penis and sexual assault with a dildo. The penis can cause much more damage during rape, because it can cause STIs and pregnancy. (Technically, a dildo can spread an STI if it is moved from person to person without washing it, but there isn’t exactly an epidemic of this happening.) As a feminist, I am alarmed that transgenderists want the law to refuse to recognize the difference between a penis and an inanimate object.
I wish everyone would just tell the truth. Males are not females, and females are not males. A male attracted to males is a homosexual male, and a female attracted to females is a homosexual female. There is nothing wrong with being homosexual. There is something wrong with pretending to be something that you are not and deceiving your sexual partners. Straight people have the right to refuse sexual activity with people of the same sex, and gay people have the right to refuse sexual activity with people of the opposite sex. Honoring your sexual orientation and setting boundaries is healthy, not “bigoted.” Honesty is the best policy in your love life and everywhere else.