You just want to wear the outfit, you don’t want to do the stuff

The other day I wrote about people entering communities that they think are cool but they just want to wear the outfit and they don’t actually want to do the stuff. This is the case with the vast majority of MtF transgender people. Generally, they are just interested in looking like women but they would never do the actual work that women normally do. They’re not really identifying with the female gender role, they are only fixated on a certain superficial appearance. If a man really wants to be a woman, then he should have a desire to do most of the following things:

  • Buy the groceries for your family, while keeping in mind what is needed for three meals a day, including school lunches that the kids will actually eat.
  • Get up early enough before work to get kids ready, make everyone’s lunch, deal with tantrums, and get everyone to school on time while still getting to work on time.
  • Leave work early sometimes to pick up kids from school who are sick. Make up for the time you lost at work by staying late another day.
  • Think of something to cook for dinner every day that everyone will eat. Cook dinner while also looking after children. Deal with complaints from your family that “this is gross” and “can’t we have pizza”?
  • Wash dishes while still looking after children.
  • Help children with homework.
  • Get children ready for bed.
  • Wake up in the middle of the night to deal with children who are having nightmares or wetting the bed or who are sick. Clean bedsheets at 3 am. Still get up for work the next morning and do the whole routine again.
  • Spend your only free time doing laundry and cleaning the house, even while you are exhausted.
  • Earn 75% less money at work but pay more for clothes and hair cuts.
  • Do all the emotional work of raising your kids like teaching them how to deal with conflicts, losses, and heartbreaks.
  • When there’s a holiday, clean the whole house thoroughly and do a whole bunch of cooking (even if it’s Mother’s Day!) in order to not be judged by relatives.
  • Do all these things with absolutely no thanks or recognition, and sometimes even with complaints from your family about what you do for them.

If men really want to be women, I suggest doing all this stuff for a year without expecting any thanks or recognition. Don’t worry about wearing the outfits—actual women usually hate wearing them so if you’re a woman wouldn’t you hate wearing them too? Wear sweatpants and a T-shirt while doing these chores, like we do. After a year of this, tell me if you still want to be a woman. I bet the answer is no.

Of course, even if you do all of women’s work, you still won’t know what it’s like to be a woman, because you cannot give birth to your kids, you cannot breastfeed, and you do not menstruate, because you do not have a female body. You’ll never wake up in the morning and have to rinse the blood out of your underwear before you get into the shower. You’ll never panic because your birth control failed and you have to figure out whether to have another child or to get an abortion. You’ll never deal with the nuisance of stopping to change your menstrual pads or dealing with pain and cramping every month as a matter of course.

Even if you truly did want to “do the stuff” that women really do, you still wouldn’t know what it feels like to be a woman. You cannot know what it feels like to have a body that you do not have. But you don’t even want to do the stuff, do you? You just want to wear the outfit. Wear any outfit you want, but those of us who actually do the stuff know that you are a fake. The people who actually do the stuff don’t even need to wear the outfit. We don’t identify as women, we just are women.

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28 thoughts on “You just want to wear the outfit, you don’t want to do the stuff

  1. “Don’t worry about wearing the outfits—actual women usually hate wearing them so if you’re a woman wouldn’t you hate wearing them too?”

    Good point. Though if MtT behaved and dressed like actual women, they would always be “misgendered” because the differences would be too subtle to notice. I have met some men who dressed like average women (jeans and form-fitting shirts) and behaved like average women (less aggressive, more eager to please than other men) and never once did I think “Must be a transwoman” – I only thought “Hmm, what a nice, handsome man. I bet he’s gay, life is unfair like that.”

    Liked by 8 people

  2. The people who are “trans abled” do more to live the life of the folks they envy than these guys do. Especially that woman who blinded herself.

    I could totally add to your list, and not even things to do with raising kids, but I might make that into a blog post. Been meaning to start a feminist blog anyway. I know it could potentially paint a great big target on my back, but I don’t have regular employment and the other adult in the household is sympathetic to my views (at least somewhat), so I’m fairly low-risk if someone doxxes me.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. They will never know the fear of being raped and becoming pregnant in consequence. They will never fully understand the barricade of sexual terrorism in which we are trapped.

    Liked by 7 people

    • Don’t be so sure they don’t have pregnancy scares. MTF Stefonknee recently worried that “she” might be pregnant after “losing her virginity” to her roleplay “daddy”. But wait, isn’t she six years old? Pregnancy is unlikely at that age. And Stef doesn’t talk about that anymore. Maybe he had his ass-period.

      What I’m tying to say is that M2T’s sometimes understand very well the kind of sexual terrorism all women experience to varying degrees. AND THEY GET OFF ON IT.

      They get off on simulating it happening to themselves.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Pingback: You just want to wear the outfit, you don’t want to do the stuff | friendlypilgrimblog

  5. 8/13 of these bullets are about mothers–you can be a woman without being a mother. I’m a 43 yo cis woman without kids so I also do not experience these issues, and I have the mirena iud—-haven’t bled for years, but I am a woman. However, I do share the frustration of having the radical mtf individuals dictating that women cannot discuss menstration, childbirth, birth control, or allowing the Vagina Monologues to be performed because these topics are trans exclusive. Not everyone can be included in all topics, including women like me.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Also-
    29 Things Women Avoid Doing Because We Fear For Our Safety
    These are some of the common ways that women restrict their actions every single day. And yes, it’s exhausting.

    A friend recently recounted how a male co-worker suggested she try going out for a run after work. The Manhattan Bridge late at night, he said, was practically empty. It’s a great view. And besides, it’s cooler after the sun goes down — the perfect time to get in a run before bed. She should give it a try.
    No way, she replied. It’s not even an option. I can’t go running by myself at night. Especially over the bridge. I could get attacked. I could be raped. So many things could happen. So many things that men never even have to consider.
    Because as much as feminism has helped women gain parity with men in the workplace and at home, there are still a lot of subtle but very real ways that women are required to police and monitor themselves. The public sphere is still a very fraught and frightening place for women to navigate — especially alone, and especially at night.
    It’s worth thinking about how much you alter your life — whether it’s by taking a different route home, going home early, changing the way you dress or walk or wear your hair — in order to feel safe. These are things that men often don’t have to think about, that men take for granted, that men simply don’t have to consider as they go about their lives. And they’re things that take up a shocking amount of time, strength, and emotional bandwidth to negotiate.

    When asked what they DIDN’T do — what activities they missed out on — in order to protect themselves, women I surveyed answered:
    1. Get drunk, because you never know if someone might try to assault you when you’re under the influence.
    2. Leave our drinks at the bar, unattended, because someone might try to drug them.
    3. Move into certain neighborhoods or live on certain blocks, because the harassment is too severe.
    4. Meet our creepy landlords, the cable guy, or the electrician by ourselves, because it makes us feel unsafe.
    5. Travel solo, because there are certain places where it’s just not safe to be a woman traveling alone.
    6. Try couch-surfing, because staying at a stranger’s house seems like an invitation for trouble.
    7. Run alone at night, because we fear attackers.
    8. Talk back to harassers, because you never know if the abusive words will escalate to violent actions.
    9. Meet a stranger — for a date or to buy something on Craigslist — without telling a friend exactly where we’ll be, because we’re aware there’s always the threat of danger.
    10. Walk home at night without holding our keys out, because you never know when you might need a makeshift weapon.

    11. Wear flimsy clothing when we’re out walking by ourselves, because harassers see it as an invitation to bother us.
    12. Wear loud or outrageous clothing, either, because that’ll invite comment from strange men too.
    13. Wear anything that will expose our breasts or remind men that we’re women, because that’s seen as an invitation for leers.
    14. Wear a ponytail, because it will make it easier for an attacker to grab our hair.
    15. Wear high heels, because it’ll make it harder to run faster if we need to.
    16. Engage in small talk with a man, because he may interpret it as an invitation to come on to us in a lecherous way.
    17. Make eye contact with strangers, because it’s seen as an invitation to approach us.
    18. Even smiling can be seen as tacit approval to talk or approach us.

    19. Eat food in public — like ice cream cones — that might attract unwanted male attention.
    20. Ride our bikes late at night, because we don’t want to deal with the harassment.
    21. Stay at a party or a show after our friends have gone home, because we don’t want to worry about being stranded in a potentially threatening situation.
    22. Get into a subway car with just men in it, because we’re afraid something might happen. Instead, we scope out subway cars with other women already in them.
    23. Walk around late at night with headphones on and blasting music, because we’re afraid attackers might come up behind us.
    24. Answer the door to unexpected visitors, just in case it’s someone who got into the building randomly, who might be planning to attack.
    25. Let the cab driver/our date drop us off directly in front our buildings, because we don’t want random guys to know where we live.
    26. Walk directly home, sometimes, if we’re afraid someone is following us. Instead, we’ll stop at a neighborhood bar and pretend we’re meeting someone.
    27. Give our last names to strangers or potential dates, because it makes it that much easier for a stranger to find out where you live, or where you work.
    28. Stay late at our offices by ourselves, because of the potential of being attacked.
    29. Use an ATM that’s outside or isolated, because we fear being attacked.

    http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/29-things-women-avoid-doing-out-of-fear-for-our-safety#.iw7D5l0Op

    Liked by 2 people

    • “Wear high heels, because it’ll make it harder to run faster if we need to.”

      And yet, more women wear high heels than men do, because there is patriarchal pressure to conform.

      High heels should be part of men’s shoes, not women’s.

      Liked by 2 people

      • High heels and pointed toes were originally men’s shoes. Have you ever seen cowboy boots? The high heels allow the cowboy to stand in the stirrups when needed and the pointed toes allow a mounted rider to get in and out of the stirrups quickly.

        The cowboy boot is a Mexican variant of French and Spanish knight boots from the days of the battle of Agincourt.

        In the early 19th century high heels were all the rage in men’s fashion. And American men today who line dance in cowboy boots are replicating dances from the 1600s.

        But somehow heels and pointed toes became fetish wear for women by the late 19th century, as they remain today.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Yes! There’s a tapestry of the meeting of Louis XIV and Philip IV in 1660 that shows what I always think might be the earliest of stilettos – and it’s the duc d’Orleans (the King’s brother and at that point his heir) wearing them.

          Liked by 1 person

        • “But somehow heels and pointed toes became fetish wear for women by the late 19th century, as they remain today.”

          Probably to do with the heels becoming too high to stand comfortably on, and the fact that the horse is no longer the default mode of transport. (The heeled boots for men I have seen were much less high than those nowadays sold to women.)

          Like

  7. Just came across this. HOW I TOLD MY WIFE I WAS TRANSGENDER. If you watch this vid I think this is pretty obvious and makes the point to anyone who thinks Greer should not be mentioning finances and family being destroyed .
    … ‘The reason I DON’T have to pay ALIMONY is I told my wives before we married… ‘
    and
    ‘..We didn’t divorce due to who I was but due to my indiscretions’ I moved out because I fell in love with another…’

    Like

    • His comment in the video ‘..We didn’t divorce due to who I was but due to my indiscretions’ is delusion.

      Per further explanation, he and his wife broke up because he was having an affair. Specifically, he was having an affair and he wanted a divorce because he had fallen in love with another woman, a woman who, unlike his wife, enjoyed his crossdressing and allowed him to include that in their sexual activities.

      How is that not a divorce “due to how I am”?

      Liked by 1 person

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