The other day I wrote about people entering communities that they think are cool but they just want to wear the outfit and they don’t actually want to do the stuff. This is the case with the vast majority of MtF transgender people. Generally, they are just interested in looking like women but they would never do the actual work that women normally do. They’re not really identifying with the female gender role, they are only fixated on a certain superficial appearance. If a man really wants to be a woman, then he should have a desire to do most of the following things:
- Buy the groceries for your family, while keeping in mind what is needed for three meals a day, including school lunches that the kids will actually eat.
- Get up early enough before work to get kids ready, make everyone’s lunch, deal with tantrums, and get everyone to school on time while still getting to work on time.
- Leave work early sometimes to pick up kids from school who are sick. Make up for the time you lost at work by staying late another day.
- Think of something to cook for dinner every day that everyone will eat. Cook dinner while also looking after children. Deal with complaints from your family that “this is gross” and “can’t we have pizza”?
- Wash dishes while still looking after children.
- Help children with homework.
- Get children ready for bed.
- Wake up in the middle of the night to deal with children who are having nightmares or wetting the bed or who are sick. Clean bedsheets at 3 am. Still get up for work the next morning and do the whole routine again.
- Spend your only free time doing laundry and cleaning the house, even while you are exhausted.
- Earn 75% less money at work but pay more for clothes and hair cuts.
- Do all the emotional work of raising your kids like teaching them how to deal with conflicts, losses, and heartbreaks.
- When there’s a holiday, clean the whole house thoroughly and do a whole bunch of cooking (even if it’s Mother’s Day!) in order to not be judged by relatives.
- Do all these things with absolutely no thanks or recognition, and sometimes even with complaints from your family about what you do for them.
If men really want to be women, I suggest doing all this stuff for a year without expecting any thanks or recognition. Don’t worry about wearing the outfits—actual women usually hate wearing them so if you’re a woman wouldn’t you hate wearing them too? Wear sweatpants and a T-shirt while doing these chores, like we do. After a year of this, tell me if you still want to be a woman. I bet the answer is no.
Of course, even if you do all of women’s work, you still won’t know what it’s like to be a woman, because you cannot give birth to your kids, you cannot breastfeed, and you do not menstruate, because you do not have a female body. You’ll never wake up in the morning and have to rinse the blood out of your underwear before you get into the shower. You’ll never panic because your birth control failed and you have to figure out whether to have another child or to get an abortion. You’ll never deal with the nuisance of stopping to change your menstrual pads or dealing with pain and cramping every month as a matter of course.
Even if you truly did want to “do the stuff” that women really do, you still wouldn’t know what it feels like to be a woman. You cannot know what it feels like to have a body that you do not have. But you don’t even want to do the stuff, do you? You just want to wear the outfit. Wear any outfit you want, but those of us who actually do the stuff know that you are a fake. The people who actually do the stuff don’t even need to wear the outfit. We don’t identify as women, we just are women.