Lesbian is pressured to be a trans man and ends up suicidal

There is a post from Reddit from a young lesbian who wrote about her experience being convinced she should transition and then ending up in the hospital in a panic when she realized that she was a lesbian and this was all wrong. This is a must-read post.

She says:

Hi there! I’m using a new profile because I know I would probably be banned from certain subreddits if they found out I’ve made a post here, and I don’t think that’s what I want. So anyways I guess I should kinda introduce myself here. I’m 22 and I came out as a trans man when I was 17 and identified as a lesbian before that for like 6 months. It’s been 5 years since I came out as trans and I had 4 years of intense pressure from my friends and their friends and their friends’ friends to start T before I actually decided to go for it late last year and started early this year. It’s been almost 10 months since first injection and I have succeeded in going from looking like a 20 year old woman to looking ad sounding like a 16 year old boy. I have the squeaky but deeper voice, a little sparse facial hair, super hairy legs, a thicker neck, and I’m definitely stronger and more intimidating than I used to be, but when I look in the mirror I’m disgusted by it and also feel very deeply ashamed. Which leads me to why I’m here writing in the very subreddit that’s most hated by all of trans land.

A couple of months ago I had a mental breakdown when it really clicked in my head what changes my body has now gone through, and I almost killed myself. My girlfriend convinced me to go to the hospital and I voluntarily went in to inpatient psych care for a little over a week. The psychiatrist, therapists, nurses, and other patients were all surprised that I’m female but were all very supportive and unfortunately very encouraging of my transition. I say unfortunately because it’s transition that led me there. It was the realization that this is stupid and wrong, and that I’m just betraying myself by doing this and I’ve probably destroyed my body permanently in some ways, and I wasn’t suicidal because I was transgender but instead I was suicidal because I’m not transgender and I forced myself to become transgender because everyone else was forcing me to become transgender. Anyways, there was only one person I saw there, the counselor who led group, who actually bothered to listen to me and not say something dumb like “transition is hard and you’re freaking out but it will get better”. This woman listened to me and saw the real me, the female me, and she is the one who told me to come here. She’s a member here I guess and she told me that there are quite a few other people like me here.

Soooo, why did it take me a couple of months to finally say something here and why am I worried about getting banned from transreddit? After leaving the hospital, despite knowing the truth and despite my feelings about everything, I continued my T injections. After coming out trans the only family I have left is trans. All of my friends are trans, nb, or gq. The only non-trans person in my life is my girlfriend, and she won’t date girls so I know she’d probably break up with me if I went back to being one. So my girlfriend would leave me and I’d suddenly be completely alone, friendless, family-less, and hopeless if I do anything other than continue pretending to be a man. But I did take the counselor’s advice, and I did come here. I’ve been reading every post here and your sister subreddit for almost a month. I agree so much with almost everything I read here in your comments and on the GC blogs you link to. When I read some of you saying you would have ended up like me if you’d been born later I feel that really deeply, because I feel like if I’d been born earlier I wouldn’t have become transgender. I would be a lesbian. I am a lesbian. Except now I’m a lesbian who looks like a young man and kinda sounds like a young man and of my girlfriend leaves me I’ll probably never find another woman, a real female-loving-only lesbian, who would be with me.

I’m done now. It felt so amazingly good to write this and escape trans land for a while, but I have to go back now.

Thank you to the counselor here who led me here. I really do appreciate you talking to me like I actually matter and that it’s not the most important thing in the world that I just keep the trans thing going. And I’m so sorry that what I’ve written here has probably disappointed you. I just can’t escape it, not yet anyways. Thank you to the rest of you amazing women here too. You actually stand for real equality and you’re all so strong. I hope eventually I can find that same strength and escape my present situation so I can join you without being incognito.

This is exactly the sort of thing that I am scared of. Young lesbians are pressured into taking testosterone by people who believe they’re being progressive and trans-inclusive. Many young people who believe they should be the opposite sex will turn out to be lesbian or gay. It is normal and common for lesbians to wonder if they should have been men. It’s normal for us to like the things that men are supposed to like, according to gender stereotypes.

This young woman went to the hospital because she was suicidal and only one person there actually noticed that she was female and struggling with the fact that she was pressured to transition. For God’s sake, health care workers, not all these kids who take artificial hormones really believe they are the opposite sex. Consider that the kid who is suicidal and ends up in your care could actually be a lesbian or a gay male who is struggling with internalized homophobia and pressure to transition from a cult that wants everyone on hormones whether it’s right for them or not and won’t allow anyone to question it.

If you read this post, please also read the comments. This young woman says all her friends are trans and if she were to detransition she thinks she would be “crucified.” These fucking social justice warriors who are so pro-transition eat their own when they change their mind. That is not social justice. That is a disgrace! Thank goodness she has found the blogs of detransitioners and can talk to other women like her.

Thank goodness she is no longer feeling suicidal and is now feeling hopeful.

I am thinking of this woman and trying not to cry. If you ever end up on my blog, here is my message for you:

It’s always been hard coming out as a lesbian. It’s still very hard these days. But truly, things will get better for you. You’re not the only lesbian who has taken testosterone. You will find new friends who will love you as you are. You haven’t ruined your body. You’ve been through something awful and have scars now, but that is okay. I had a hard time coming out, and I went to therapy, and I felt suicidal a couple of times, but I have turned into a happy, well-adjusted lesbian with a loving partner. This is a future you can have, too. I welcome you to the lesbian community, sister. I’m sorry about what you had to go through to get here.

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24 thoughts on “Lesbian is pressured to be a trans man and ends up suicidal

  1. This is how cults brainwash people and monopolize everyone in their circle. It’s sad how the trans lobby is aggressively going after our young and pushing their agenda as life saving when it offers no self acceptance and has children and teens giving up their lives to feed this profit machine

    Liked by 10 people

  2. God, this is so heartbreaking. UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES, people. We have to really weigh the options and help others do the same when it comes to life-altering decisions. This is why I rail against the parents who are a little too eager to get hormone therapy for their prepubescent kids who may or may not actually be trans. These decisions need to be made by a fully-functioning adult, not a kid who is still psychologically juvenile. And while this woman’s friends may have meant well, PRESSURING her to do anything so drastic was just flat-out wrong. These decisions are not to be taken lightly, nor should the person’s concerns be dismissed with a simple “of course it is hard to transition but you’ll be fine” the way she says so many people did to her.

    Worst of all, she now thinks she is inherently unloveable and is clinging to a girlfriend who may not accept her for whonshe actually is. How many of us have done that, especially in youth? That is one part of her experience which millions of people likely encounter at some point in their lives. Of course she needs friendship and love and support; it is devastating to think she will not find someone better or more compatible. I think we here–especially those of us who are considerably more experienced with relationships–can attest that she likely will find someone who loves her as the lesbian she knows she is, and that her desperation must be worked through or she might end up subjecting herself to an ultimately abusive relationship in favor of being single and perhaps lonely for a while.
    I really hope she finds the support network she needs and can reverse the process she began and turn to her true self.

    Liked by 7 people

  3. My heart aches for her too. And I fear for her. Just like what Melanie said. I agree with what everyone here has said about how horrible this is. And I want to add, from my own particular area of work which is medical mistakes:

    MEDICINE IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SAFEGUARDS AGAINST THIS SORT OF CRAP!

    WTF?! There all these rules about how the employees in abortion clinics are required to talk to patients so they know they’re not pressuring them. There’s medical ethics including informed consent. The consent is supposed to be informed by knowledge of side effects but also by knowledge of possible outcome without treatment. For transition the possible outcome without treatment is “gay and happy”. 😡 And then there’s my favorite, and this goes out to the psychiatrists in that hospital, the differential diagnosis. The psychiatrist that she saw (assuming she saw one) would have instantly known that the alternative explanation for her suicidalness was that she didn’t really want to transition, was gay, and was having second thoughts. It sounds like she communicated that.

    So in addition to the heartbreakingly cult-like social pressure we have the medical profession failing to do it’s job. Psychiatry is supposed to diagnose what is actually wrong with people who come into hospital. She seems to have ‘gay dysphoria’ which I don’t think is a recognized thing. And she should’ve been given referrals for medical help to detransition. Kudos to the counselor who directed her to the gender critical reddit. She was doing her job.

    Liked by 8 people

  4. As a Trans person I would say if there is any doubt as to if you are trans then don’t take hormones, very few trans people get the level acceptance that this person has, however they should stop the transition they should say something to the people around them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • But is that really acceptance?I’d rather be alone. As a Black woman,if I was surrounded by people who made me feel like I was bad because of my skin color but could change it to lighter and they would accept me?

      Nah,there is no greater hell then being around other people’s fake acceptance.

      Because she is young,she isn’t that well read but man could she so with reading some books on human nature,I know I wish I had a depressed teen.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. We’re talking about an “activist” culture that has doxxed people, stalked people, sent death threats to, and generally raised hell in the lives of people for using the “wrong” language. I’ve witnessed it myself and I’m not at all surprised that this is how transactivists behave. Detransitioning is the ultimate “offensive” comment and the only solution is deletion via death. But remember, you deserve it! You’re a transphobe. Too bad you didn’t suffer.

    What has always bothered me about Tumblr culture is that it claims to be intersectional. It supposedly strives to be a safe space for people with disabilities, including mental illness, and members of the gay community. How can such an “intersectional” community be so willing to encourage and celebrate suicide in vulnerable people with mental illnesses, young people, and members of the gay and lesbian community? How many people fall into all three categories, ie young, gay, and suffering mental illness and/or engaging in high-risk behavior? This is cruel and dangerous and, in addition, totally inconsistent with their supposed mission. Furthermore, a community that has had their freedom of association and freedom of speech stifled should not be so quick to inflict that same damage on others. But like the Puritans, they quickly forget.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. True acceptance is acceptance but like I said most trans people don’t get that level of acceptance and people can’t know what is going on in her mind if she does not tell anyone They Can’t Know people are not mind readers.

    what gives trans people normally mental illness is people who do not accept them for who they are, its pretty much the same type of non-acceptance that gays and lesbians would have had back in the 90’s or before, the way people don’t accept trans people is close to torture.

    I only know a few people who have this level of acceptance its not the norm.

    Like

    • Trans people aren’t going to get “true acceptance” if that means peple are required to say men are women, women are men. Given the number of pedophiles, rapists and murderers in the trans movement, and its defence of them, and the way trans has devolved to mean “any male fetishist or predator who says he’s a woman,” then asking people in general, and particularly women, the targets of those predators, for acceptance, is a pipe dream.

      Liked by 5 people

      • Exactly. There’s so much doublespeak in trans circles. It’s not “acceptance” if you have to lie. Nor is it “embracing your true self” if you have to lie. A female with sex dysmorphia is still female, a male with sex dysmorphia is still male. Sex dysmorphia is an understandable reaction to intensely gendered socialization, but it’s a painful psychiatric condition that calls for medical treatment, and as such is IN NO WAY comparable to homosexuality, which DOESN’T HURT ANYONE.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. do you have any proof of that or are you just saying because of some sick belief.

    Trans people are no more pedophiles or sex predator than normal people.

    and don’t forget that not long ago they where saying that about gay people.

    the reality is we are getting the respect we deserve.

    Like

    • You want lists? Try reading GenderTrender. They have all the information you need.

      You’re also ignoring that I specified the trans movement, not “each and every trans person ever”. It most certainly defends criminals. Just look up Laverne Cox and the business of rapist and murderer Synthia China Blast, for example.

      Liked by 5 people

    • Oh, and you might look up who came up with the term “truscum” to refer to people with dysphoria. It wasn’t radical feminists, it was the transgenderists who insist that one doesn’t need dysphoria – just saying “I’m a man!/I’m a woman!” is enough.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Well put dépaysement. The “truscum” abandonment and mindfuck of medical transsexuals by the transgender movement absolutely blows my mind. And it will never stop doing so.

        The transgender movement is a giant mess. Full of all kinds of malignant assholes who are there to do harm. Even if it was full of dedicated normal non-hate and rage filled people who had the kinds of objective, like admittance to women’s bathrooms for intact males with breasts, it would still have problematic objectives. But it wouldn’t be THIS horrorshow. The horrorshowness and the specific issues are two separate phenomena.

        Liked by 2 people

  8. Wow. This is truly a cult. Lovebomb them, separate them from their family, friends and the outside world, then force them to comply by threatening to not love them anymore. It is cult tactics.
    That poor woman needs advice on how to leave a cult. I think even one of those books on religious cults and how to get out of them would be of help, even though it would not even mention the word “trans”.

    Like

  9. Those “friends” of hers really messed her up. People need to listen to each other and be free to try discover who they are. If that means identifying as a trans man without taking testosterone, that’s fine! Taking testosterone without being pressured into it: fine! Realizing that actually you’re not aa straight man at all, but a lesbian woman: fine! There’s nothing wrong with detransition or transition. Just so long as people are making their own decisions, and aren’t being forced along a path that isn’t theirs.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I cried reading this. This young woman is in so much pain. It is awful she feels that she has no alternative but to continue in a community she knows cannot accept who she really is, and that she can only continue to have love and acceptance if she pretends to be something she’s not and doesn’t want to be, and does things to her body she doesn’t want to do.

    It’s hard, now more than ever, but there are still places where lesbian community can be found, lesbians who have feminist and gender-critical understandings, and ALL of us in our different ways wear the scars of patriarchy on our bodies and our minds, that is not a disfigurement, it’s evidence of being strong enough to survive in a culture that wants you dead and erased.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pingback: Lesbian is pressured to be a trans man and ends up suicidal – Critiquing Transgender Doctrine & Gender Identity Politics

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